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I Caught My Friends Talking About Me Behind My Back

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating a guy I love for about a year. We have had a pretty rocky past, a lot of fighting, he cheated on me, etc. but we have since worked through everything and I am giving him another chance. I know some of my friends are not his biggest fans because of how he has hurt me, but they know I love him and I have always thought they were happy for me.

Last night I was on the bus reading a magazine, totally in my own zone, and heard my name from two familiar voices. I looked through the crowd and saw two good friends of mine completely talking trash about my relationship with my boyfriend! I was so taken aback by what they were saying I just sat tight and listened. They talked about my boyfriend like he was the worst human being on earth and how I just sit back and let him walk all over me when in fact that isn't the case at all.

Not only am I crushed that my friends talked so badly about me behind my back, but they discussed my personal private life on a bus where who only knows heard. They didn't see me and have no idea I overheard them so what should I do? I want to make them feel as bad as they made me feel. Irate Izzie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Irate Izzie
Wow, you certainly caught them red handed didn't you? I am sorry you heard what you did, but perhaps it will be a blessing in disguise in the long run. Did you know how your friends felt about you taking back your boyfriend? Are they open about their concerns? Are you happy with your relationship after getting back together or are you still calling them to vent?

Sometimes girlfriends can be overly protective when a man has treated their pals poorly. You confide in them and tell them how your boyfriend has hurt you so it is not surprising that they are still holding a grudge. With that said, it doesn't excuse their catty behavior by trash talking your private matters behind your back. As much as you want to get even, the guilt they will feel after you tell them you were on that same bus would be payback enough.

Girls talk, it is the nature of the beast, and you have every right to be furious. There is no way for them to make an excuse so allow them to be honest with you about their feelings. You have the power to do with that information as you please and as long as you feel safe and secure in your relationship, that's all that matters. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but there is a time and a place for those opinions to be discussed. I hope your friendships can be worked out. Good luck.

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