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I Don't Know How Married Mothers Do It

Sunday ConfessionaI: I Don't Know How Married Mothers Do It

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

Seriously. You have to see your husband every single day, and then you never get more than a night away from your kids. I would straight lose my mind.

I had my girl young enough that my body bounced back almost effortlessly, she visits with her daddy frequently so I have plenty of me-time (aka sleep in, smoke weed, and watch porno time), and I still have the glorious single life (no trouble meeting men, for every single mother there's a single father out there too).

So many people feel sorry for us single mothers, thinking we have it so rough. I feel sorry for the married mothers. I don't know how they do it.

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community — join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups, and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

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SeriouslyThough SeriouslyThough 4 years
Not all single Mom's get any kind of help, babysitter, weekend breaks or me time. Too many Dads just run off or deny the kid unless there is a legal decision to force it on him. Everyone has it different, married or single. Even married people can haveme time and fun still if they have MONEY and nannies or helpful families. But esp money, it changes everything.
kristinasMommy2010 kristinasMommy2010 4 years
I've lived both lives. I was a single parent with no help and I don't regret it, but I am lucky to now be married to wonderful man. It really comes down to being an adult. I have no need to be on the party scene that ended at least four years before I had my daughter. I am only 26 but I have no interest in partying. I am an adult and when I need moments away I get them now because of my husband. That was before something else happened. I am currently deployed. I have all the time in the world for me time. Because I'm an adult and I am a parent I CHOOSE to see how my child is doing constantly and I Skype with her every day. People are supposed to get married for a reason because they love the person they are marrying. I don't know what I would do without my husband he takes such good care of my daughter (who biologically is not his but treats her like his own daughter). Maybe its time for you to grow up and quit smoking weed and take better care of your kid. You have priorities and responsibilities now. It's time to grow up and be a mother.
danakscully64 danakscully64 5 years
@ SKG post 2: Thought the exact same thing Lol.
GregS GregS 5 years
Epicdoodle - the CDC reports from vital statistics that the marriage rate for 2009 was 6.8 per 1,000 people. The divorce rate was 3.4 per 1,000. Can you slice and dice? Oh, surely you can, and statisticians keep employed doing just that.
GregS GregS 5 years
Epicdoodle - the CDC reports from vital statistics that the marriage rate for 2009 was 6.8 per 1,000 people. The divorce rate was 3.4 per 1,000. Can you slice and dice? Oh, surely you can, and statisticians keep employed doing just that.
GregS GregS 5 years
It's like all things in life. It all depends upon the circumstances. I think all can agree that if the relationship is abusive, a divorce is in the best interest in the injured party and the child(ren). If you think about the distancing that occurrs between spouses leading up to divorce, the kids are already split between them. If you look at the animosity that is engendered between spouses in a situation where "we are staying together for the kids", do you really think that the kids can't see that? If you look at the lies and deceit that occurs in a cheating situation, it's usually the other spouse that is either in the dark or in denial, not the kids.So when we look at these things, what are we saying to the children? What impact does that have on the kids? These are all learned behaviours.I will not deny that a supportive 2 parent household is ideal. You do not know what the OP went through (neither do I), so you're just guessing that she should have hung in there in the marriage/living arrangement with the father.She smokes the weed and reads porn when her child is NOT there. I don't see how unobserved behaviour would influence the child.
GregS GregS 5 years
It's like all things in life. It all depends upon the circumstances. I think all can agree that if the relationship is abusive, a divorce is in the best interest in the injured party and the child(ren). If you think about the distancing that occurrs between spouses leading up to divorce, the kids are already split between them. If you look at the animosity that is engendered between spouses in a situation where "we are staying together for the kids", do you really think that the kids can't see that? If you look at the lies and deceit that occurs in a cheating situation, it's usually the other spouse that is either in the dark or in denial, not the kids. So when we look at these things, what are we saying to the children? What impact does that have on the kids? These are all learned behaviours. I will not deny that a supportive 2 parent household is ideal. You do not know what the OP went through (neither do I), so you're just guessing that she should have hung in there in the marriage/living arrangement with the father. She smokes the weed and reads porn when her child is NOT there. I don't see how unobserved behaviour would influence the child.
Epicdoodle Epicdoodle 5 years
^ Those saying that 50 percent of marriage end in divore is just not true, 80 percent of the people I know have never been divorced and have been married to their partners for many many years! Sometimes people think that divorce is easier for them and their lifestyle but what about your children? You bought the children into this world so your responsible for them - divorce is a big big deal for children and it affects them immensely in a negative way (especially later on in life). So unless you've tried everything to make the relationship work (with divorce being the very last resort) you shouldn't give up on marriage just because you think its easier for you.
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 5 years
I am a married mom, and honestly, I love being with my daughter. Sure, I will take advantage of a chance to have a couple hours to myself, but I would miss her if she spent several nights or weekends or holidays away from me. I also love being with my spouse. He's my best friend, which is why I chose to marry him. It's great that you are happy with your lifestyle, but don't feel sorry for me because I'm very happy with mine as well.
Girl-Jen Girl-Jen 5 years
HAHAHAHAHA!! As a mother who was once married, I'm right there with you! My family life has been so much easier since the divorce. We both raise our daughter now, instead of me taking care of her and the house and the husband while he sat on the computer all day. We both get time to ourselves now, instead of me getting 30 minutes here and there and him getting nights out and tacking extra days on to mountain business trips. It's more equal now.For some people, both myself and the OP (and many others, I'm sure), a co-parenting arrangement with the parents in different households works better. For others, two parents in the same household functioning as a couple as well as parents is the way to go.
Girl-Jen Girl-Jen 5 years
HAHAHAHAHA!! As a mother who was once married, I'm right there with you! My family life has been so much easier since the divorce. We both raise our daughter now, instead of me taking care of her and the house and the husband while he sat on the computer all day. We both get time to ourselves now, instead of me getting 30 minutes here and there and him getting nights out and tacking extra days on to mountain business trips. It's more equal now. For some people, both myself and the OP (and many others, I'm sure), a co-parenting arrangement with the parents in different households works better. For others, two parents in the same household functioning as a couple as well as parents is the way to go.
GregS GregS 5 years
Married or not, being a mother is a job in it's own right. That you add to that a job and a spouse (or bf/gf/so) just ads to the complications. I tried to help out, but I'm sure that I more or less got in the way; that it was more efficient for her to do the function (whatever that was). If I'm correct in my guess as to who the author is, she's also going to school. "Me time?" Earned plus interest. That it's the wacky weed may not be your taste (not mine, either) doesn't matter. We all have a vice. As for the institution of marriage, over half of the marriages end in divorce. Apparently its not all that it's cracked up to be. And which is worse for a child? A broken marriage, or a dysfunctional one? At least one is honest with the child and the 2 partners involved.
GregS GregS 5 years
Married or not, being a mother is a job in it's own right. That you add to that a job and a spouse (or bf/gf/so) just ads to the complications. I tried to help out, but I'm sure that I more or less got in the way; that it was more efficient for her to do the function (whatever that was).If I'm correct in my guess as to who the author is, she's also going to school. "Me time?" Earned plus interest. That it's the wacky weed may not be your taste (not mine, either) doesn't matter. We all have a vice. As for the institution of marriage, over half of the marriages end in divorce. Apparently its not all that it's cracked up to be. And which is worse for a child? A broken marriage, or a dysfunctional one? At least one is honest with the child and the 2 partners involved.
starbucks2 starbucks2 5 years
Love the bitterness here! If it was a married mom pitying poor single moms things would be totally different. I am not married (yet) but living with my daughter's father. And sometimes, when we have a fight or a rough time together I envy my single friends. I dream aboutaking every decision alone and dropping her off for a weekend. It's normal. I don't hate my life, I love my kid and my boyfriend. Every mom loves to get rid of their kids sometimes, whoever says they don't is lying! I love that op is being honest! I grew up in a single parent household and my mom is a wonderful role model (though I doubt she smoked weed abd warched porn on the weekends ;)
starbucks2 starbucks2 5 years
Love the bitterness here! If it was a married mom pitying poor single moms things would be totally different. I am not married (yet) but living with my daughter's father. And sometimes, when we have a fight or a rough time together I envy my single friends. I dream aboutaking every decision alone and dropping her off for a weekend. It's normal. I don't hate my life, I love my kid and my boyfriend.Every mom loves to get rid of their kids sometimes, whoever says they don't is lying!I love that op is being honest! I grew up in a single parent household and my mom is a wonderful role model (though I doubt she smoked weed abd warched porn on the weekends ;)
Epicdoodle Epicdoodle 5 years
The reason people get married is so that they can be with the person they love for the rest of their lives, and if your lucky enough to find that special person you wouldn't mind seeing his/her face every single day. Also there are people out there who actually value family and want to spend time with there kids and spouses. Believe or not some people are actually content with their family life and aren't waiting till someone takes their kids away so they can convert to their single life/go wild. Not everyone desires a dissolute life of porn and weed!From what I read this isn't a confession, this is just you trying to justify your lifestyle to others. If your happy with your life, fine, whatever floats your boat but but just because you chose a certain lifestyle and others aren't choosing to live like you do doesn't mean they aren't happy so you shouldn't be so bitter and disrespectful about the whole married mother thing and pity these women for no reason.
Epicdoodle Epicdoodle 5 years
The reason people get married is so that they can be with the person they love for the rest of their lives, and if your lucky enough to find that special person you wouldn't mind seeing his/her face every single day. Also there are people out there who actually value family and want to spend time with there kids and spouses. Believe or not some people are actually content with their family life and aren't waiting till someone takes their kids away so they can convert to their single life/go wild. Not everyone desires a dissolute life of porn and weed! From what I read this isn't a confession, this is just you trying to justify your lifestyle to others. If your happy with your life, fine, whatever floats your boat but but just because you chose a certain lifestyle and others aren't choosing to live like you do doesn't mean they aren't happy so you shouldn't be so bitter and disrespectful about the whole married mother thing and pity these women for no reason.
le-romantique le-romantique 5 years
If you feel that way, maybe you shouldn't have even had a kid...
katialoves katialoves 5 years
wow... sounds a bit bitter and insulting. its not really a confession as much as a defensive insult. you know you are often pitied but you want us to be pitied for once. would this post be featured if it said: ""i feel sorry for single moms"" or ""i feel sorry for single people""? again, bragging/looking down on others is not a confession! maybe '"I want to become a single mom' would be a confession but not this.you have to realize that not everyone craves a life of promiscuity, porn, weed, and time when their child is with someone else and its not their turn with their child.
katialoves katialoves 5 years
wow... sounds a bit bitter and insulting. its not really a confession as much as a defensive insult. you know you are often pitied but you want us to be pitied for once. would this post be featured if it said: ""i feel sorry for single moms"" or ""i feel sorry for single people""? again, bragging/looking down on others is not a confession! maybe '"I want to become a single mom' would be a confession but not this. you have to realize that not everyone craves a life of promiscuity, porn, weed, and time when their child is with someone else and its not their turn with their child.
Pistil Pistil 5 years
Thank God you didn't make that mistake.
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