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I Don't Know If I Should Move In With Boyfriend

Group Therapy: Boyfriend Wants Me to Move In, but I Don't Know If I Want to Anymore

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 and a half years. Last December, I graduated from college and moved back to my hometown (which is where he lives). I REALLY wanted him to ask me to move in, but he'd just bought his house and was living alone for the first time in his life, and he told me that he'd love to live with me, but he wanted some time to live alone since he'd never done it before.

So I moved into an apartment. I only signed a 6-month lease, which has since expired, but I am now on a month-to-month-type deal. Now he's decided that he wants me to move in — he's lonely. No, I don't have a lease to break on my apartment, but #1, I'm settled here and I basically just now got everything exactly how I like it, and #2 I want him to ask me to move in because he wants me to live with him, not just because he's lonely.

I'm torn because I really want to live with him. I didn't just want to move in with him after graduating out of convenience. I really feel like he's THE ONE. I want to take that next step in our relationship, but I can't tell if he's wanting that, too, or if he just wants a roommate. I mean, I know that he loves me, but I really don't know if he is asking me to move in for the right reasons.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
If he means it, he'll bring it up again and try to convince you. Take your time.
mix-tape mix-tape 4 years
Some times I think people get so wrapped up in wanting to know whether or not the situation is PERFECT for the big move. Just Google your question and see how many advice sites exist! I think you both know and love each other enough to take this step. If it works out then great! If it fails then it's best you find out sooner rather than later. I say just go for it, there is always initial hesitation in these sorts of situations.
testadura67 testadura67 4 years
I had the exact same concern when I moved in with my boyfriend this year. But around the time we started looking for a place I sat him down and said, "I don't want a roommate. I want to take a step further in our relationship, with the intent of moving towards marriage one day. I need to know that we're doing this for the same reasons." And he said we were. It's that simple. Talk to him. You may not get the answer you want, but at least then you can make an informed decision about how to move forward.
jenjen82 jenjen82 4 years
You have been together for 2.5 years and you think he's the one. The fact that your not discussing your feelings with him instead of writing into a board is an issue. Why aren't you just talking to him about how you feel? I would be more concerned about that fact then the whole moving thing.But why not just keep your apartment and do a trial run of living together for a month or so and see how it goes?
jenjen82 jenjen82 4 years
You have been together for 2.5 years and you think he's the one. The fact that your not discussing your feelings with him instead of writing into a board is an issue. Why aren't you just talking to him about how you feel? I would be more concerned about that fact then the whole moving thing. But why not just keep your apartment and do a trial run of living together for a month or so and see how it goes?
MrsShort MrsShort 4 years
I just recently had my boyfriend move in with me, while its my house and i was pretty much living by myself, my boyfriend asked me the same thing because i changed my mind and asked him to move in about a month after we started talking about it. I thought about it for a while to see if thats why I was asking him, and i realized it wasnt. You need to express this to your boyfriend as well, he needs to understand that you are not going to live with him because he is lonely, I think he does need to be on his own for a while to realize what it is he actually wants...a roommate, or a live in pretty serious girlfriend.
pax4pax pax4pax 4 years
You should get a commitment from him to make sure he doesn't become "unlonely" in six months and kick you to the curb. Without commitment, you two are together only because of your feelings, you're not committed to building something to last longer (hopefully, life long). Your living together is just a matter of convenience and, so, with no legal or moral boundaries, it can end on a whim.You are in his "whim" today, but, he knows he can replace you freely at any time.
pax4pax pax4pax 4 years
You should get a commitment from him to make sure he doesn't become "unlonely" in six months and kick you to the curb. Without commitment, you two are together only because of your feelings, you're not committed to building something to last longer (hopefully, life long). Your living together is just a matter of convenience and, so, with no legal or moral boundaries, it can end on a whim. You are in his "whim" today, but, he knows he can replace you freely at any time.
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