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I Feel Inivisible And Easily Replaced

Dear Sugar
My close friend and I recently started to grow apart and it's very upsetting to me. She had a huge falling out with her last best friend about six months ago and that is when we met. The past six months together have been so much fun. I've just gone through a terrible break-up and I've been leaning on her a lot, until now.

She and her other friend (the one she had the argument with) are now back in touch. They've made amends and are now inseparable again. I barely hear from her anymore and I am having a hard time coping with the loss of my new friend.

I've actually begun to feel pretty depressed about this and have started to cut myself with razor blades and jagged, broken glass edges on my wrist. Don't worry, I'm not trying to kill myself - it just really helps take my mind off how I feel and releases my pain.

I am worried about the future of our relationship and for my health. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking about what is so wrong with me that both she and my ex have no problem dropping me from their lives without a hitch. I feel invisible. Lonely Laney

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Loney Laney
I know that you are sad. Coping with loss can be extremely difficult and put you into a place of self doubt. But try and remember all that you mean to the rest of the world. Think of your place in your family and the contributions you make in society, just by being you.

When did you decide to give this girl and your ex so much power over you? They are the ones losing out by not having you in their lives; and this so called close friend of yours sounds awful. She's fair-weather and selfish. Good riddance to her!

Let's talk more about your nasty little self masochistic habit. I understand your need for numbness, but causing physical harm to your body is not the answer. Some people turn to drinking, drugs and other self destructive vices in times of despair, but none of these are good decisions. Understand that no one deserves to be physically punished. You will give yourself permanent scars, subject yourself to infection, or worse, hit a major vein by mistake and commit suicide.

Deliberately hurting yourself for the purpose of coping, releasing stress or emotional strife without intention of suicide is called self-injury. It typically means that a person is in emotional pain/distress. It shows its face in many forms such as:

  • Cutting your skin
  • Punching yourself or other objects
  • burning yourself
  • pulling out your hair
  • breaking your bones or causing bruising to yourself
  • plucking hair for hours on end

Once the act is over, people often feel relieved at first and then a wave of shame and embarrassment hits. Does this happen to you? The negative feelings that strike you now will make quitting all the harder because you'll want to self injure again to make these feelings go away.

You can overcome the urge to mutilate yourself. Talk to your parents, your doctor, or someone that you trust, like a teacher or religious leader. If you would rather remain anonymous, please contact the Self-Abuse Finally Ends (S.A.F.E.) Alternatives Program here or call their information line at 1-800-DONT-CUT (800-366-8288). If ever there is an emergency, please call 911 ASAP.

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