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I Feel Trapped

Group Therapy: I Feel Trapped

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!


I am 21 years old. I have a post graduate degree in Interior Design and am currently looking for a job. I recently got engaged and plan to get married next year. The problem is, I feel extremely trapped. My life is awesome, I have amazing parents, amazing fiancé and everything is working out, but sometimes when I think about it, the finality of it all, the fact that I will marry someone at 22, be with him for the rest of life, makes me feel oddly suffocated.

I recently decided that I was going to go to Europe and spend time traveling, everyone I know is against it. It costs too much, I have to get a job, what about my family blah blah. I want to cry at times, I am pushing my guy away. He thinks I am morose about a perfect life. I don't get it myself either, why can't I be happy with the life I have? I want to be satisfied. My friends think I might be depressed. Am I? Should I seek professional help? Can I snap out of it?

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mix-tape mix-tape 5 years
Man, I really feel what you're saying. I am finishing up my Master's in Architecture and I'm only 23. My boyfriend is 28 and we talk about marriage occasionally. I love him to death and we probably will get married some day, but I often have moments of doubt. The field you and I are in requires us to have a broad knowledge base, thus pushing us to want to travel the world and see everything! It also takes many many years before you have built a solid career. Being tied down prevents people from getting to the top. It's not that your marriage wouldn't work or you don't love each other, it's the planning that now involves TWO people rather than just worrying about yourself (which is hard enough in the design field). However, often times the people that live freely and end up most "successful" in people's eyes are those that have no one to share the joys and pains of life. It's a balance you need to think deeply about before jumping off EITHER end. I know I didn't really give you an answer, but that's because there is no direct path in life. Good luck with whatever decision you make!
Sherrilee Sherrilee 5 years
Sometimes the perfect life is not the life for you. You are in a box. YOU finish school, have wonderful parents and fiance, and get married,live happily after after. ha ha sometimes this just isn;t for us. spread your wings. Live a little. eep your feet on he ground. Take a job offer. You have to take care of yourself but live. You're just not ready to get marriage.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
You must do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. If you go through with this marriage you are just going to feel more trapped. There are so many people who regret later in life all of the things they could have done, and you already know what you want to do so do it! Travel to Europe, see the world, meet tons of people from tons of places and you will not feel trapped! If your man loves you he will be willing to put off the wedding for now, and maybe even go with you. Wouldn't you want to spend your life with someone knowing they care about the same things you do? I doubt you are depressed, you just want more for yourself than what you have now and you have every right to go out and get it. You should surround yourself with people who lift you up, who want good things for you, and who will support you in getting those things. Don't let anyone hold you back, you will regret it at some point. You're only 21, this guy is not the only one on the planet, and it still may work out. If not, you are going to find someone who loves the person you become when you're out in the world figuring it out.
Annie-Tomlin Annie-Tomlin 5 years
Postpone postpone postpone. Go see the world. Travel. Meet new people. Experience different cultures. Feel what it's like to be out on your own. Ultimately, *you* are responsible for your life, and though friends and family are important, you'll be miserable if you let them dictate your path in life.
steph1234 steph1234 5 years
You feel trapped because you are not doing what YOU want to do with your life. It seems as though (because you mention what your friends, family, and fiance say) that you are doing what they all want you to do. I fell into that trap too. I was unhappy for a long time because I relied too much on what everyone around me thought I should do. Please don't do that! You are SO young and sounds like you really don't know who you are yet. Take time to discover that. If you can afford the trip to Europe, GO! Take a fun girlfriend or go by yourself....just have fun. You have no real responsibilities so you can do that.....But once you're married and little kiddo's come into the picture....Bye Bye Europe! I agree with all the other posters...postpone your marriage. In the long run, if you 2 stay together through all of this, he will be glad you did...you sound very insecure and unsure of yourself, and those qualities alone can cause major problems in a marriage. Have fun...find peace within yourself and learn to trust yourself and your decisions. Good luck!
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
You have the rest of your life to be a couple, but relatively few years to be single and figure out what you want. If you live to be 80, you could be married over 60 years, with zero years single. If you marry at 30, you could be married 50 years, but have had those 10 single years to grow and discover yourself and to get mentally ready for marriage. It seems like you have been on the school, work, marriage path that most people take, but it has happened much earlier for you. You are simply not ready to be married. What if you want to work, and your husband decides he wants kids right away? That's alot to take on at age 21. I would postpone the wedding, or you will be also wondering "what if" five years down the pike if not sooner. If you marry and get pregnant right away, your options are even more limited. Good luck. And remember, this is YOUR life. You are going to face external pressures about what you should do, but you need to do what is best for you right now.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 5 years
Have you asked yourself what you want and try to honestly answer that question? What do you want out of life and where does your fiance fit in that answer. I think it's a good idea to go to Europe. Why not? Yes, it's a little expensive and irrational, but that will help you find a good perspective. You should also talk to a counselor and seek some help. If after all that you still having doubts, you should postpone your wedding.
vanilla-and-pink vanilla-and-pink 5 years
What should make you happy, and what actually does make you happy are two totally different things. I think you already know deep down what you have to do. And I think going to Europe to get some perspective on how you feel is a great idea. Good Luck!
GTCB GTCB 5 years
Why do you Americans insist on getting married so young? I recently met a couple on vacation who were my age (36), celebrating their 15th anniversary. Anyways, my wife has some friends who married right out of high-school and are still together but have had a LOT of problems over the years, primarily due to the fact that they got married too young. And he's a dink, but that's another story. Speaking from the male perspective, he IS trapping you. Some men use this tactic while dating, but the ultimate is getting a ring on your finger. If he wants what's best for you he'll be cool with cooling things off.
glandt glandt 5 years
Absolutely postpone. If you do 'snap out of it' without taking your trip it will likely only be for a short time before you fall back into feeling trapped. You're so young that maybe taking some chances and traveling will help you realize what you really want out of life, whether it be marriage to your fiance and a job in interior design or something completely different. The sooner you work to figure this out, the less likely you will be feeling trapped later on. You say you want to be happy with your perfect life, but clearly it isn't perfect if you're so unhappy. Perfect for everyone else and perfect for you are two different things, so do what you have to to make your life better!
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
I agree about postponing your wedding. You really are quite young and you really will be with this man for many, many years. Make sure you're 100% ready for that. And I say if you can swing it, go to Europe. Travel now, while you have the chance. I wish I'd done more things like that when I was in my early 20's. Now I'll have to wait until my kids are grown (and they're pretty young now). Best of luck with your decision.
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
If you're honestly feeling this way, you should postpone your wedding. You don't want to get married feeling this way, or it will only end up in divorce. I would suggest seeing a therapist or counselor that might help you get to the root of your problem. Is your problem only with the marriage, or is it with your current life in general? Maybe you should even try marriage counseling. There are many people that will counsel couples that are about to get married.
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