Skip Nav
gift guide
20 Fun Under-$20 Gifts For Girlfriends
Spotify
Listen to the Ultimate Romantic Christmas Playlist
Nostalgia
375 Reasons Why Being a '90s Girl Rocked Our Jellies Off

I Have No Libido!

Group Therapy: I Have No Libido!

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So, I've been dating a guy for three years and I have hardly no desire to have sex with him. I don't know why. At the start of our relationship, I was all into it (it never has been good, but I was hoping it would get better, you see). He was my first, and I had never really been intimate with other men before that, but now it's like it has disappeared.

I love to hang out with him and go out with him, but I feel awkward and I never want to have sex with him anymore, or even oral sex. I don't mind touching him but I don't feel aroused when he touches me, and I feel really bad saying so because he tries so hard to satisfy me but I have a hard time getting into it that he gets discouraged. Worst part is, I'm not cheating or getting it elsewhere. I just lost interest in sex. But this is putting a serious strain on our relationship. And I know I should just bite the bullet and go along with it to make him happy, but it's hard when you're not into it, AT ALL. And he knows, so then he feels awkward, too.

Is this normal? Does this ever happen? And how do I get it back?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Image Source: Thinkstock
Around The Web
Join The Conversation
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Not wanting him can also be a sign of unresolved problems in the relationship. If he says something cutting during the day, and you don't fix it with him, how likely is it that you're going to want to jump him that night?Female libido is usually responsive, meaning that we respond TO the guy. (There's science about this and it points out that we're the opposite about it during ovulation. At that point in the cycle we get interested in sex spontaneously.) So if you're mad at your man about something else, it gets in the way of responding to him.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Not wanting him can also be a sign of unresolved problems in the relationship. If he says something cutting during the day, and you don't fix it with him, how likely is it that you're going to want to jump him that night? Female libido is usually responsive, meaning that we respond TO the guy. (There's science about this and it points out that we're the opposite about it during ovulation. At that point in the cycle we get interested in sex spontaneously.) So if you're mad at your man about something else, it gets in the way of responding to him.
danakscully64 danakscully64 6 years
Are you on The Pill? That's what it did to me... bad too.
Janine22 Janine22 6 years
Hmm as others have said, I think that you have to go through the most likely culprits first. Are you on any medications that affect your libido? Are you still sexually attracted to your partner, are you communicating clearly with him about what kind of touch does and does not turn you on? Are you 2 sexually compatible? (I suspect no on this one since you said that it has never been good). If not, why do you want to continue a relationship with a man with whom you have bad sex? Now, if none of these are the issue, then you may want to talk to your doctor about getting something like Cialis, my friend used it and she said it really helped her sex drive. But really, I think that you are emotionally attached to this guy because he was your first. The first guy that you ever sleep with is not usually going to be the best sex of your life. You need some experience in order to understand what you like and what type of man can turn you on. Personally, I need a partner that is good with their hands/tongue and touches me gently. What about the rest of your relationship? Are you emotionally connected, does he do romantic things for you? Are you intimate in other ways outside the bedroom? Are there specific things that he could easily change in order to make you more turned on by him? Do you feel listened to, cared for, cherished? Is he insensitive to your needs? Also do you masturbate??? It is important that you do in order to understand your own sexual needs and desires so that you can communicate it to your partner. Do really think that you want to be in a long term relationship or a marriage with a partner that you are not sexually compatible with??? Good luck.
Janine22 Janine22 6 years
Hmm as others have said, I think that you have to go through the most likely culprits first. Are you on any medications that affect your libido? Are you still sexually attracted to your partner, are you communicating clearly with him about what kind of touch does and does not turn you on? Are you 2 sexually compatible? (I suspect no on this one since you said that it has never been good). If not, why do you want to continue a relationship with a man with whom you have bad sex? Now, if none of these are the issue, then you may want to talk to your doctor about getting something like Cialis, my friend used it and she said it really helped her sex drive. But really, I think that you are emotionally attached to this guy because he was your first. The first guy that you ever sleep with is not usually going to be the best sex of your life. You need some experience in order to understand what you like and what type of man can turn you on. Personally, I need a partner that is good with their hands/tongue and touches me gently. What about the rest of your relationship? Are you emotionally connected, does he do romantic things for you? Are you intimate in other ways outside the bedroom? Are there specific things that he could easily change in order to make you more turned on by him? Do you feel listened to, cared for, cherished? Is he insensitive to your needs? Also do you masturbate??? It is important that you do in order to understand your own sexual needs and desires so that you can communicate it to your partner. Do really think that you want to be in a long term relationship or a marriage with a partner that you are not sexually compatible with??? Good luck.
wolfpackgal wolfpackgal 6 years
I have gone through the same thing. Twice. I think if you're not with the right person, the sexual attraction that was there in the beginning fades away. I'm hoping that if I ever do find the right man for me, that desire will never go away. I used to make excuses for my lack of desire (stress, unhappiness in other areas of my life, etc.), but I realized that I didn't want to live that way forever, so I broke it off in both relationships.I'm hoping that there isn't something wrong with me, and since other people have had the same problem.. I think it's just a way our bodies/minds let us know we aren't with the right person. As much as it hurts to end a relationship with a great guy, if the sexual desire isn't there, there is something better out there for me. Message me anytime!
wolfpackgal wolfpackgal 6 years
I have gone through the same thing. Twice. I think if you're not with the right person, the sexual attraction that was there in the beginning fades away. I'm hoping that if I ever do find the right man for me, that desire will never go away. I used to make excuses for my lack of desire (stress, unhappiness in other areas of my life, etc.), but I realized that I didn't want to live that way forever, so I broke it off in both relationships. I'm hoping that there isn't something wrong with me, and since other people have had the same problem.. I think it's just a way our bodies/minds let us know we aren't with the right person. As much as it hurts to end a relationship with a great guy, if the sexual desire isn't there, there is something better out there for me. Message me anytime!
JeannettieP JeannettieP 6 years
Hey poster..feel free to email me if you want to talk about your problem with someone who is going through the same situation. I posted a while back in the group therapy section "married with sexual aversion" I am married to the most wonderful man/best friend but don't have a desire to have sex with him and feel stuck in my relationship. jeannettetsm21@yahoo.com
JeannettieP JeannettieP 6 years
Hey poster..feel free to email me if you want to talk about your problem with someone who is going through the same situation. I posted a while back in the group therapy section "married with sexual aversion"I am married to the most wonderful man/best friend but don't have a desire to have sex with him and feel stuck in my relationship.jeannettetsm21@yahoo.com
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
It could be something like depression or medication, but I think it is more likely that you are over this relationship from a romantic standpoint. It is only natural, he was your first, but we rarely stay with our first boyfriends. Hell, women only stay married to their first husbands half of the time.It sounds like you are staying with him out of security and to have someone to do stuff with, but he is more like a friend at this point. Barring any other physical/pharmacological reasons why your libido is low, I think you really need to address the nature of your relationship.Good Luck.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
It could be something like depression or medication, but I think it is more likely that you are over this relationship from a romantic standpoint. It is only natural, he was your first, but we rarely stay with our first boyfriends. Hell, women only stay married to their first husbands half of the time. It sounds like you are staying with him out of security and to have someone to do stuff with, but he is more like a friend at this point. Barring any other physical/pharmacological reasons why your libido is low, I think you really need to address the nature of your relationship. Good Luck.
Venus1 Venus1 6 years
It could be that sexually he just does not do it for you or as BiWife suggests above it could be something such as the pill. Do you get satisfaction from masturbation? Do you think abut sex or wanting sex?Take care and let us know how you get on.
Venus1 Venus1 6 years
It could be that sexually he just does not do it for you or as BiWife suggests above it could be something such as the pill. Do you get satisfaction from masturbation? Do you think abut sex or wanting sex? Take care and let us know how you get on.
BiWife BiWife 6 years
Sounds like you two are best buds. Nothing wrong with a relationship changing, but it's important to be honest with him about how you feel. Be prepared that he may feel hurt that you hadn't communicated these problems before (since you said the intimacy has never been good and become less & less tolerable to where it feels like a chore), the longer you put off talking to him the worse it'll get, too. It's important for anyone to know that their partner reciprocates their feelings & it sucks to get lied to about that. Do some thinking about your libido in general - do you masturbate more/less than you used to? Do you fantasize about other people? Do other people turn you on? If it's just him that doesn't turn you on, then you're probably just ready to find a new lover. If nothing turns you on, you might want to talk to your obgyn or general practitioner about possible causes (hormone levels out of whack, depression, etc). Also consider if you've started or stopped taking any medication recently (especially anti-epileptics, antidepressants, antianxiety, and birth control), as they can mess with your libido as well.
mira1988 mira1988 6 years
My first serious relationship I went through the same thing. I needed to realize I was over him and maybe your not but that is a major sign you are. Doing things sexually to make him happy wont make him happy because he will no your not and that will make him unhappy. You say even when he touches you you don't get turned on. When your with someone and love them in a romantic way touches are the best. I feel in my opinion the reason you like hanging out with him and going out with him is because after three years you have developed a close freindship with him. I think you should try to dig deep in yourself and find out if your heart is still with him.
Gifts For Couples
Best #Love Photos From Instagram
Best Gilmore Girls Quotes
Love Quotes on Instagram
Who Was Dumbledore in Love With?
Settling in a Relationship
Dating a Scorpio

POPSUGAR, the #1 independent media and technology company for women. Where more than 75 million women go for original, inspirational content that feeds their passions and interests.

From Our Partners
Latest Love
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds