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I Hooked Up With My Friend's Ex

Group Therapy: I Hooked Up With My Friend's Ex!

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So . . . here's my situation. One of my best friends had been with her boyfriend for a long time. She broke up with him about 7 months ago (for another guy, i might add) and has completely gotten over their relationship. The other night, we all went out together and her ex and I ended up hooking up.

Not only did I wake up feeling mortified and like an awful friend, but I have yet to decide whether or not I should tell her. One of my good friends said yes while another said no. I really don't think she would care but I feel like telling her would be for my benefit so I can stop feeling guilty. But also, there is that chance that she may not react so gracefully. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation or can anyone offer up some advice?? Help pllllease!

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HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 5 years
I would tell her, apologize like crazy and NEVER do it again!!
Blackwood Blackwood 5 years
I just logged in to say that the woman in the pic, although kind of sleazy, looks more like she's drunk and being carried home than about to get laid. Just a thought.
neonbee neonbee 5 years
I agree with everyone. You should really tell her. Nothing hurts more than finding out something like this from a third party. At least you can express your feelings to her directly.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
If you care about the friendship, tell her. Like a lot of people have already stated, the "not telling and lying about it" part is what will make things worse.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 5 years
TELL HER! Like Betty Wayne I was on the receiving end. My gf did tell me but it was tactless and it hurt a lot. Invite her out for coffee and be aware of her emotions. Do not put the defense up. She might be mad at first but it is better then lying :)
weffie weffie 5 years
TELL HER! I found out over a year later and it was the guy who finally admitted it instead of my best friend. She moved out of our place shortly after I called her on it, and while we're still on speaking terms I certainly won't trust her to be honest with me ever again. If you don't tell her, consider your friendship over because you are no friend.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
Tell her! Not only because it's the right thing to do, but so that she knows the real version of what happened. I had a situation when I was younger and much stupider where a friends ex came on to me and I ended up kissing him but stopping it after that. He went to her and told her that I had come on to him and he told me to back off! I wish I had told her early on because to this day she thinks that I was the one coming on to her boyfriend. ugh.
French-Kiss French-Kiss 5 years
You should tell her. You say yourself she turned to someone else, so maybe she can get mad for few days (if she finds it ackward that you shared similar things with the same person) but if she's truly your friend it'll be soon totally okay. It happened with a friend of mine, she dated (for long !) my ex. At first i couldn't bare the idea of a close friend repeating the same things with the same boy, but finally, considering i had NO feelings for that guy, i thought it's none of my business, at least she didn't keep it that secret, wich was fair. So don't worry that much. It was long time ago, as you say she has no feelings anymore. If there is a problem, it won't last at all (if only you are really good friends and she is not psycho about the boys she had)
kismekate kismekate 5 years
I'm with Betty Wayne. Same thing happened to me. But it was my best friend. I had dated the guy for almost four years and while I had moved on when she hooked up with him, she didn't tell me. And I found out through another mutual friend because apparently everyone knew but me. I was so angry that I wasn't told, not angry that it had happened. It really ruined our friendship that she didn't come to me and tell me about it right away - to me, it meant she had zero respect for me.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
I was in a similar situation once, but on the receiving end. I couldn't have cared less about the guy, but when my friend hooked up with him, didn't tell me, and then claimed she didn't even know he and I had dated- let's just say that friendship didn't last long. You know your friend better than I do, but if you take her out for coffee like you've got some huge news, you might turn it into something huge. I would advise telling her casually, like he was just some random regrettable hook-up.
lovele lovele 5 years
Tell her! Nothing worse than finding out bad news from someone else (especially if there's been a long duration of time from when it happened) and knowing your best friend was silent all long! It might get you into a bit of trouble with her, but at least she knows you were honest and felt terrible about it. And if she's as over the relationship as you say, then she'll prob get over this really quickly too. Good luck :)
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 5 years
One of my friends was in the same situation as you. She didn't say anything and her friend ended up finding out from the guy. She was pissed. Not because they hooked up but because her best friend didn't tell her. If I were you I would tell her right away. I'm sure she would rather hear it from you then someone else.
Rjs-baby-girl Rjs-baby-girl 5 years
If I were you I would tell her and the sooner the better. Seems like a lot of people already know about this and if she finds out by someone else, it would be much worse than finding out by you. So ask to meet her in a quiet public place for a cup of coffee or something if you are afraid she is going to react very badly and just explain to her what happened.
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