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"I Just Got Separated: Should I Stay Hopeful or Move On?"

"I Just Got Separated: Should I Stay Hopeful or Move On?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My partner and I separated recently, and it has been very hard on both us and the kids. Things were simply getting out of hand; too much verbal and emotional abuse on both ends. We were together four years and I was very happy and in love at the beginning, but once I began working things started to go downhill.

We were engaged to be married, but since things were not going as well as planned, I decided to give him back the ring. Between stress, work, and money troubles, we just had too many problems. When I wanted to have sex (usually at night because the kids were asleep), he would reject me, and when he wanted to have sex (usually in the mornings when I needed to get ready for work), I simply wasn't up to it. In short, I am a very independent woman and I do not like being controlled.

I had to leave my apartment to get myself and the kids out of that toxic situation. I still feel so alone and confused, but I am definitely relieved. Since we do share one child together, (2 yr old) we must keep in touch and come to an agreement on custody. Right now, he has him twice a week and every other weekend, in addition to giving me $70 a week to help support him.
One huge problem I have with him right now is that I don't want him to smoke pot when he's around his son. Honestly, I had no idea it was such a large problem until now. I knew he smoked, but I thought maybe once the baby was born, he could give that up. Clearly, I was wrong. I don't want to keep him from his son, but I really don't like that fact that he has to be under the influence with his child. Is that wrong?

I am hopeful that maybe time is what we need to appreciate each other more and maybe we will be able to get back together sometime in the future. Although it may sound ridiculous, I did love him - I was just exhausted of all the arguments. I feel so tired, damaged, and jaded. I need therapy, but it's just too expensive.
Any feedback from you readers would be greatly appreciated.

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