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I Kissed My Boyfriend's Best Friend

Group Therapy: Should I Tell My Boyfriend I Kissed His Best Friend?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend and I have been together for about six years. We were broken up for three weeks in January of this year. I asked his best friend of 20+ years to hang out one night because I wanted to get some advice about how to fix the situation with my boyfriend — because they've been so close for so long, he knows my boyfriend very, very well.

Anyway, I cried a lot and drank even more. I guess when he decided I was drunk enough, he decided it was a good time to tell me that he's always been in love with me and has been jealous of my boyfriend for six years . . . and then he kissed me. I, being drunk, kissed him back. I've never seen him look as happy as he looked at that moment.

The next day, he called me, freaking out. He said that he meant what he'd said and he's not sorry that he said it (or for kissing me), but that he didn't want my boyfriend to find out what happened between the two of us, because he realized that it wasn't ever going to lead to anything — he knew I wanted to be with my boyfriend and not him.

To this point, I have respected his wishes and haven't told my boyfriend, but I feel like I am lying to him. I don't want to ruin their relationship, or ours, but for some reason I feel like he should know.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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searching-soul searching-soul 4 years
You did not sleep with his friend, it was just a kiss. If you had slept with him I would say come clean but it was just a kiss and you guys were technically broken up. If you tell him and make a big deal out of it he will never trust you or his friend again. If it does come out on it's own, tell him his friend tried to comfort you because you were crying and that it meant nothing to the both of you or at least nothing to you. Tell him that you know a boundary was crossed but it honestly is not something that you felt was significant since you were upset over losing him, tipsy and are not in the least bit attracted to his friend thus the reason why it stopped right there. If he loves you he'll get over it. Let him figure out how he wants to handle his friendship and don't get in the middle of it by telling him what the guy said. Henceforth, put lot's of distance between you and his friend.
searching-soul searching-soul 4 years
You did not sleep with his friend, it was just a kiss. If you had slept with him I would say come clean but it was just a kiss and you guys were technically broken up. If you tell him and make a big deal out of it he will never trust you or his friend again. If it does come out on it's own, tell him his friend tried to comfort you because you were crying and that it meant nothing to the both of you or at least nothing to you. Tell him that you know a boundary was crossed but it honestly is not something that you felt was significant since you were upset over losing him, tipsy and are not in the least bit attracted to his friend thus the reason why it stopped right there. If he loves you he'll get over it. Let him figure out how he wants to handle his friendship and don't get in the middle of it by telling him what the guy said. Henceforth, put lot's of distance between you and his friend.
Wild-Magelet Wild-Magelet 4 years
No. No, no, no. You weren't technically unfaithful, but you obviously feel guilt over what happened or you wouldn't feel the drive to confess. Doing so would permanently alter the relationship between you and your boyfriend, and between he and his best friend. It was a one-time thing, when you were broken up, it hasn't gone anywhere since then, and the other guy has accepted that it won't. Leave it at that. And for God's sake, don't ever throw it in your boyfriend's face during an argument. It would be totally selfish, you couldn't take it back, and I think you'd regret it far more than not telling him. There is no reason why you *should* tell him, except to make yourself feel better. If you're feeling guilty, accept that as some sort of penance and let it go.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Onlysourcherry is right. This was the guy's best friend. There is some betrayal there. Getting drunk alone with him wasn't the greatest idea, considering she wanted to get back together with boyfriend. If it was just kissing some random guy on a break, no harm no foul definitely. But the bestie thing makes it a little not quite okay to me. She did kiss back. Still not a reason to tell boyfriend, though.
nicole121482 nicole121482 4 years
No, do not tell him! If there is nothing going on and it was a one time thing then leave it in the past...the only thing you are going to do by telling your boyfriend is turn your relationship to shit and make hime question everything about it. There is a place for some little secrets in a relationship, when telling them is more harmful then not...
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 4 years
I'm not sure how serious this relationship is or how long it would last, but if I found out that my boyfriend had kissed my best friend i would feel terribly betrayed. I would ask myself what other secrets he was willing to hide from me for long periods of time. I agree that you didn't do anything wrong; you were broken up and it was just a kiss. But I wouldn't be surprised if, when this comes out, he sees it as a betrayal by the two people he trusts most. I'm not surprised that the best friend is the one pushing to hide this, because his friendship with your boyfriend was not "broken up" at the time. He's the one who really messed up.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 4 years
I'm not sure how serious this relationship is or how long it would last, but if I found out that my boyfriend had kissed my best friend i would feel terribly betrayed. I would ask myself what other secrets he was willing to hide from me for long periods of time. I agree that you didn't do anything wrong; you were broken up and it was just a kiss. But I wouldn't be surprised if, when this comes out, he sees it as a betrayal by the two people he trusts most. I'm not surprised that the best friend is the one pushing to hide this, because his friendship with your boyfriend was not "broken up" at the time. He's the one who really messed up.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 4 years
Don't tell him. There's no reason to at this point. What good could come of it except an ease on your guilty conscience?
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 4 years
I agree with everyone else. Absolutely no good can come from telling your bf. You need to let it go and move on.
EvieJ EvieJ 4 years
Do not tell him. You'd ruin your relationship with him, AND his best friend's, and a silly kiss when you were drunk - and broken up - is not worth a 20-year friendship. I think the friend realizes this, so called you the next day to say to forget about it.
GregS GregS 4 years
You were broken up. No foul here. Hold your tongue. There's nothing to confess.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 4 years
OP, Since you were officially 'broken up' at the time, it's no business of your ex's what you did at the time. You have the perfect right to not feel guilty. Keep telling yourself that what you did was okay.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 4 years
OP, Since you were officially 'broken up' at the time, it's no business of your ex's what you did at the time. You have the perfect right to not feel guilty. Keep telling yourself that what you did was okay.
pax4pax pax4pax 4 years
Some secrets are best kept. Little damage in any regard. Forget it.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
This was back in January? A little late now to confess. Hiding is probably right. Learn from the experience and then wipe it from your memory. Ease your guilt by treating your boyfriend like a king for a while and making sure to cut his so-called friend out of your life completely. Confessing might make you feel better. But you were the one who screwed up. So live with it. You knew not to get drunk alone with the friend during such a dicey time. If you wanted to do stuff like that you should have stayed broken up. Don't think your boyfriend won't eventually find out, though. Strategically, your best bet is to develop an intense dislike for the friend now and go out of your way to avoid him. No more phone calls. Then when it all comes out, you can admit that the friend did make a pass at you during the break and that you've been freaked out about it ever since and didn't know what to do about it other than avoid the guy and keep quiet out of deference to their friendship. But this all assumes you never want this to happen again. If you do, I can't help you.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
This was back in January? A little late now to confess. Hiding is probably right. Learn from the experience and then wipe it from your memory. Ease your guilt by treating your boyfriend like a king for a while and making sure to cut his so-called friend out of your life completely.Confessing might make you feel better. But you were the one who screwed up. So live with it. You knew not to get drunk alone with the friend during such a dicey time. If you wanted to do stuff like that you should have stayed broken up.Don't think your boyfriend won't eventually find out, though. Strategically, your best bet is to develop an intense dislike for the friend now and go out of your way to avoid him. No more phone calls. Then when it all comes out, you can admit that the friend did make a pass at you during the break and that you've been freaked out about it ever since and didn't know what to do about it other than avoid the guy and keep quiet out of deference to their friendship.But this all assumes you never want this to happen again. If you do, I can't help you.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 4 years
No. Don't damage two relationships for something so minor just to ease your guilt. That is selfish.
Hiding55 Hiding55 4 years
No.
Hiding55 Hiding55 4 years
No.
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