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I Might Be Pregnant, What Should I Do?

Group Therapy: I Might Be Pregnant and the Father Doesn't Know

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've been having many symptoms of pregnancy. I'm 27, and I already have one child. I have been in this friends with benefits relationship for a little while now with a guy that has no interest in a relationship with me. I know he dates other women, but for some reason I can't kick him to the curb, like the others who aren't seeking relationships . . . well, I truly like him. Should I tell him that I may be pregnant? Or wait until I'm sure? If we were in a relationship I would have no problem telling him.

The weird thing about all of this is I wouldn't actually be against having a child by him, I know he is a good father he has one child already from a previous marriage. It's just the thought of carrying another child alone is too much. But I don't want an abortion, and adoption is out of the question. What to do!?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
danakscully64 danakscully64 4 years
Did you take a test?
danakscully64 danakscully64 4 years
Did you take a test?
bisou002 bisou002 4 years
A baby does not a relationship make. Period.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 4 years
Agreed with above post to go the drug store and find out for $20 if you are pregnant. Tell him if you are and then you should go from there...he sounds like a a decent human being and the two of you should figure out what is best. Neither one of you is married - so there's nothing wrong going on here. I always want everyone to have the baby - it just seems like a happier outcome. What if it grows up to be a pilot, architect or something great? Maybe something better than yourself? There's no moral lectures coming from me, but there are good reasons to invest more into a relationship than an FWB. To me its only science. It's nothing more than self preservation. So women and children are not left in the cold under these sets of circumstances. I only ask as you ponder your predicament, to be a little more ruthless with commitments and trust for those reasons. Think about investing in a real relationship with someone who will be there for you through thick and thin.
taylorvon taylorvon 4 years
Go to the doctor before making any decisions regarding whether to tell him your worries or not. Some of the other readers are a bit harsh but it's hard to disagree with them. If this isn't a guy that wants a relationship and doesn't want to deal with any sort of emotional connection, then he's probably not a guy you should be sleeping with. Accidents happen, but if you're going to be sleeping with a guy at least make sure it's a guy who gives a damn.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 4 years
I agree that it sounds like you are trying to "trap" this guy into a relationship with this maybe pregnancy, since you say no abortion, no adoption, you don't want to raise it alone and he's a good dad to his other child. Spoiler alert: that plan never, ever ended in happily ever after. I think you need to reexamine your choices. It sounds like this relationship is emotionally destructive (for you, he's probably a-ok) and is making you a little cray-cray.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 4 years
I agree that it sounds like you are trying to "trap" this guy into a relationship with this maybe pregnancy, since you say no abortion, no adoption, you don't want to raise it alone and he's a good dad to his other child. Spoiler alert: that plan never, ever ended in happily ever after. I think you need to reexamine your choices. It sounds like this relationship is emotionally destructive (for you, he's probably a-ok) and is making you a little cray-cray.
testadura67 testadura67 4 years
Wow. I never knew such a simple question could elicit such horrifically offensive responses. Wait until you're sure to tell him. The question of going through a pregnancy alone / adoption / abortion isn't even on the table until you know for sure. If he's clear about not wanting a relationship, then supporting you emotionally while you get a pregnancy test is not his responsibility. Taking care of a child that he helped create is. Your unrequited feelings do not create an obligation on his part. A child does. Find out first, and the rest will fall into place. If you're not pregnant though, I'd urge you to reconsider your relationship with this guy, because this situation may very well happen for real in the future if it's not happening now. Good luck to you.
karlotta karlotta 4 years
It sounds like you're looking for a way to obtain this guy's commitment and attention rather than really being worried about the situation. Trapping him into fatherhood seriously isn't the right way to go. That is just ugly, and if you do that, he'll never love you. Know that. First of all, you should just go out and take a test before starting the drama. Second, this is why contraception was invented. At your age, seriously, this shit should NOT be happening. Third, it's time to consider abortion. At this stage, it's probably even just a matter of taking a pill, it won't require a procedure, and it's the most humane thing to do for all involved. Don't let a kid come into this world with parents like the two of you. I'm not saying you're a bad mom, I'm just saying this isn't the kind of family situation a child deserves to have. And learn your lesson.
karlotta karlotta 4 years
It sounds like you're looking for a way to obtain this guy's commitment and attention rather than really being worried about the situation. Trapping him into fatherhood seriously isn't the right way to go. That is just ugly, and if you do that, he'll never love you. Know that.First of all, you should just go out and take a test before starting the drama. Second, this is why contraception was invented. At your age, seriously, this shit should NOT be happening.Third, it's time to consider abortion. At this stage, it's probably even just a matter of taking a pill, it won't require a procedure, and it's the most humane thing to do for all involved. Don't let a kid come into this world with parents like the two of you. I'm not saying you're a bad mom, I'm just saying this isn't the kind of family situation a child deserves to have. And learn your lesson.
BrownEyedBabe BrownEyedBabe 4 years
DO NOT tell him until you go to the doctor and find out for sure. I agree with above, you need to get some reliable birth control so you don't put yourself in this position for a third time. If you are pregnant, why is adoption out of the question? There are so many people out there who would love a child who cannot have them and would be able to give them a better life. Sounds like you're more content sleeping around then staying home and taking care of your child. Having this child is not going to make this guy like you so if you are pregnant, please let this child have a chance at a better life.
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
I would just take a test first and then discuss it with him. No reason to get everyone in a tizzy at this point. If you are you two need to figure out together what you're going to do about it. And if you're not, and this is just a fwb thing, get some reliable birth control so you don't find yourself in this situation again.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 4 years
Go to a doctor and find out. Why is adoption out of the question?
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 4 years
Go to a doctor and find out. Why is adoption out of the question?
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