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I Slept With My Best Friend's Boyfriend

Sunday Confessional: I Slept With My Best Friend's Boyfriend

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

Him and I were really drunk, came home from the bar, and my roommate/best friend was already asleep. We were sitting on the couch together, one thing led to another, and we had sex. The next day we talked and said it would never happen again, but then 2 nights later it did. We agreed again that it was a mistake. A month later, when I was drunk, and he was sober, he said he wanted to try and figure out a way to keep hooking up. I wasn't thinking, and we hooked up again. Nothing has happened since then, but I don't know what to do. I feel like it is not fair to my best friend because she is planning on marrying this guy, but I know she will never speak to me again if I tell her.


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Gray-Angel Gray-Angel 4 years
Should have just did what I did, have a threesome!!!!
dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
I wonder if the post and other people who responded truely understand this posts motives. That when she realized he was only willing to hookup for sex and use her like a second hand wh*** but still marry the friend then thats maybe the reason she would like to destroy her "friend" with the truth now.
jauntycap jauntycap 5 years
Wow. You've got yourself in quite a pickle. Or you got quite a pickle in you.So you made a mistake. Big deal. Own up to it. Accept the consequences. Your friend may disown you but you're going to have to take the risk of losing her friendship to spare her the agony of marrying a guy whom you know can't be faithful.Consider it a lesson learned. And don't do it again, not just because it's wrong, but because how you feel right now: the anxiety, the fear, the guilt, the shame, the disappointment in yourself, the dirtiness, the distance from someone you care about, and basically knowing that your totally screwed someone over who is walking around blissfuly ignorant while this secret eats you alive - it's not worth it.In the future you'll probably find yourself in a situation like this one again, but you'll probably make a different choice that'll give you a the opportunity to know what if feels like to make the decision that preserves your friendships and your sanity. Forgive yourself for not being perfect, but at the same time you must take the heat, and take responsibility for your actions. It's the only way to grow, honey.Also - Lay off the booze, it's murder on your judgement. And know your better than that. You're worth more than a couple of drunken hook ups that turn your life upside down. You don't deserve this kind of pain. You deserve to have friends and your own boyfriend. Go say that to yourself like a billion times until it sinks in. In the mean time, invest in a huge box of Kleenex because you are in for some more tears.Months from now, however, you'll be a little bit wiser.Take care.
jauntycap jauntycap 5 years
Wow. You've got yourself in quite a pickle. Or you got quite a pickle in you. So you made a mistake. Big deal. Own up to it. Accept the consequences. Your friend may disown you but you're going to have to take the risk of losing her friendship to spare her the agony of marrying a guy whom you know can't be faithful. Consider it a lesson learned. And don't do it again, not just because it's wrong, but because how you feel right now: the anxiety, the fear, the guilt, the shame, the disappointment in yourself, the dirtiness, the distance from someone you care about, and basically knowing that your totally screwed someone over who is walking around blissfuly ignorant while this secret eats you alive - it's not worth it. In the future you'll probably find yourself in a situation like this one again, but you'll probably make a different choice that'll give you a the opportunity to know what if feels like to make the decision that preserves your friendships and your sanity. Forgive yourself for not being perfect, but at the same time you must take the heat, and take responsibility for your actions. It's the only way to grow, honey. Also - Lay off the booze, it's murder on your judgement. And know your better than that. You're worth more than a couple of drunken hook ups that turn your life upside down. You don't deserve this kind of pain. You deserve to have friends and your own boyfriend. Go say that to yourself like a billion times until it sinks in. In the mean time, invest in a huge box of Kleenex because you are in for some more tears. Months from now, however, you'll be a little bit wiser. Take care.
camkitten camkitten 5 years
I think first you have to question your feelings for this guy because it seems like alcohol is a way for you to excuse what you are actually feeling. It will definitely hurt your friend to find out about this but she does deserve to know and hear it from you & not someone else. So be brave sit her down & tell her.
0jello0 0jello0 5 years
OK, so,HERE'S SOME REAL ADVICE... Just tell her what happened and admit you were wrong.
as606 as606 5 years
why would u want to torture your friend? and you say best friend? If someone does the same to you with your boyfriend whom you really like, would u like that? Put yourself in others shoes before you do something like this. It is someone's life you are destroying who has done nothing to harm you.
SeriouslyThough SeriouslyThough 5 years
Move out and distance yourself from them both.
Aquadave Aquadave 5 years
You are a horrible person. Drinking is no excuse. He is just as bad
mittins001 mittins001 5 years
These comments are very very harsh. Telling her how awful of a person she is probably won't help her in this situation, you guys may think it's the only way because she's evil and needs to see her horrifying actions reprehended, but on the flip side I feel she needs the opposite. I have been in a situation similar to this, only the person I was hurting was my sister. It's a long story, and I don't want to justify my actions at all, but I did not intend for any of it to happen, or continue to happen a few times. When she found out, he told her I had seduced him (which was the opposite of what happened) and she still saw him for about 3 months because she believed his story not mine. Lots of therapy for us both later, she finally left him. We didn't talk for a year, and I finally got the courage up to ask for her forgiveness and now we are back to being sisters again (fighting and all) So please, tell your friend before she finds out on her own, tell her you're sorry and that you take responsibility for your actions (because alcohol is not a good excuse) and maybe in time she will forgive you. AND PLEASE LEARN A LESSON THAT IT IS NOT WORTH THE GUILTY CONSCIOUS AND LOSING A FRIEND OVER A GUY! (plus the reputation that comes with it all...)
mittins001 mittins001 5 years
These comments are very very harsh. Telling her how awful of a person she is probably won't help her in this situation, you guys may think it's the only way because she's evil and needs to see her horrifying actions reprehended, but on the flip side I feel she needs the opposite.I have been in a situation similar to this, only the person I was hurting was my sister. It's a long story, and I don't want to justify my actions at all, but I did not intend for any of it to happen, or continue to happen a few times.When she found out, he told her I had seduced him (which was the opposite of what happened) and she still saw him for about 3 months because she believed his story not mine. Lots of therapy for us both later, she finally left him.We didn't talk for a year, and I finally got the courage up to ask for her forgiveness and now we are back to being sisters again (fighting and all)So please, tell your friend before she finds out on her own, tell her you're sorry and that you take responsibility for your actions (because alcohol is not a good excuse) and maybe in time she will forgive you. AND PLEASE LEARN A LESSON THAT IT IS NOT WORTH THE GUILTY CONSCIOUS AND LOSING A FRIEND OVER A GUY! (plus the reputation that comes with it all...)
ladyeleanor ladyeleanor 5 years
I think as a true friend you would tell her and see where it goes, if she stops talking to both that means that you can start seeing him, but who knows he might just go back and sleep with one of your friends once you guys hook up.
Lokipr Lokipr 5 years
Tell your "friend" and when she dumps the both of you keep seeing the guy. You're perfect for each other, but remember; what goes around comes around. You will see.
Pineappleheart Pineappleheart 5 years
sometimes this site gets really violent and judgmental. seriously people. even if it was okay to be so scathing, at least hold off until you get a more complete story. anways. just wondering, why do women think it's okay to let their men hang out alone with other women (particularly in bars, clubs, etc.)? while "trust" is key in any relationship, it's also important to be attentive (and vigilant!)...seems like the OP's friend is a little cavalier concerning the whereabouts and behaviors of her man. don't know why people get so shocked by such behavior if they've been fostering a laissez-faire relationship all along.
Pineappleheart Pineappleheart 5 years
sometimes this site gets really violent and judgmental. seriously people. even if it was okay to be so scathing, at least hold off until you get a more complete story.anways.just wondering, why do women think it's okay to let their men hang out alone with other women (particularly in bars, clubs, etc.)? while "trust" is key in any relationship, it's also important to be attentive (and vigilant!)...seems like the OP's friend is a little cavalier concerning the whereabouts and behaviors of her man. don't know why people get so shocked by such behavior if they've been fostering a laissez-faire relationship all along.
Rasberry-Sorbet Rasberry-Sorbet 5 years
I say that the real question you should ask yourself is why were you sleeping with this guy so casuallly? Why were you willing to be a doormat? This guy is having his cake and eating it too. He is having a ball going back and forth between you two. And you allowed yourself to take your friend's sloppy seconds. No judgement but think about it. You must not have very good self esteem to allow urself to stoop so low. I say remove yourself from this situation. It is very dysfunctional. Just disappear. Act busy, do other things. Get a new hobby, new job, whatever. I dont know if I would say anything. I would no longer consider yourself as a friend so don't start acting like you are concerned about her feelings now. Plenty of men out there you can date. Maybe you secretly want what she has. Its not healthy. I say go into counseling. One to recognize your problem with alcohol and two, for your flailing self esteem.
searching-soul searching-soul 5 years
To clarify what I mean. There was a time earlier in my relationship with my long term boyfriend that we broke up. He had a female friend that I found out had conspired to break us up because she had a huge crush on him. So when we were having serious issues she made her move. They went out briefliy but guess what-the same way she was so willing to point out my flaws and cause trouble between us I was willing to point out hers. When he woke up and saw her for what she was he came running back to me and went to counseling etc.. Right before he broke things off with her she asked what kind of person I was to try to come between them when I knew she was with him. His answer was-she did the same exact thing so why was it ok when she did it? She went psycho on him...but I digress. I'm all for forgiveness but people need to practice what they preach and stop being so hypocritical. if someone sympathizes with the OP fine, but when someone does it to you I hope you sympathize with them as well
searching-soul searching-soul 5 years
@ Anon The OP did it more than once though so the situation is not exactly the same. Her actions were pre-meditated. Also there had to be a part of you that knew that there is a possibility that your friend could've found out and would've been incredibly hurt. There's always the chance that she still might find out if this guy told someone else or chose to be vindictive. Have you figured out why you were willing to risk it all on a one night stand with your friends boyfriend? When people do not reflect on their actions, oftentimes they repeat them. Also if the tables are ever turned will you be as forgiving of your friend? Some people are very hypocritical and when the same exact thing is done to them they are a lot less forgiving. So I hope you are ready to practice what your preaching if it should ever happen to you.
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 5 years
I am not going to give this confessing person any advice. I will say this, I hope this poor girl finds out on her own all about how evil you and her nasty man is. I hope you she ditches the both of you, because she deserves better than this and finds people who have hearts, not disease infested black holes for hearts!
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