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I Snooped Through My Boyfriend's Texts

"I Snooped Through His Texts, and He's Furious"

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

Clearly I have trust problems. I'm more than ready to admit this. I've been with this guy for eight years. We live together. Our story is really messed up — I feel like I have to warn you.

One time I broke my cell phone, and he lent me his old cell phone to use for the time being, until I bought a new one. I took some pictures on it, and while uploading my pictures onto my computer, I found older pictures on it of him and some other girl in a bar. He is standing straight and taking the picture, but she is leaning into him, with her face on his shoulder and her head pressed to his cheek. Since this was completely an accident and he was right there, I got very upset, and he said that he chatted up the girl just to prove to his guy friends that he could and showed them the picture to prove it. I've always been jealous and insecure and suspicious and I feel like this made it even worse.

Fast-forward, I snoop because I feel like he's hiding things and being dishonest, while he says he's hiding things because I would just freak out and not trust him about it. We've had a talk where I apologized for my lack of trust and asked him for help by always telling me everything regarding other women, and I'll try my best to not get jealous and freak out about it. He agreed but did not tell me anything, and we just fell back into the same thing.

I keep snooping and eventually find texts on his phone with a phone number he has saved but with no name. The girl talks to him about her life, says she wishes he would clean her apartment for her and that she loves to hear from him and it makes her smile. I confront him with it, and he gets furious, saying I have no respect for his privacy, and that there's nothing going on, and that I should call the girl to find out for myself.

I do call the girl, but from her end, it seems like they've been texting back and forth for years and that some things have happened in the past, but she is not clear on it. She says that talking about the memories brings back pain and that she "had been young — it was a mistake." However, she also lies to me and says they haven't talked since god knows when, when I just saw their texts that day. They met in a place we used to live, and he never introduced me to her or talked about her. I never even knew about her until now, two years later, after we've moved away for two years.

After our fight over these texts, he goes to the extreme and disconnects his phone, saying that is the only way he can give both he and I peace of mind. I guess I just want to hear random people on the Internet tell me that I'm really crazy and this all needs to stop.

My friends say different things. Some say that if I trusted him I wouldn't snoop, and some say that if he had nothing to hide he wouldn't mind my snooping. I don't know what I think now. It's all a jumble of hurt and confusion.

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