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I Think My "Best Friend" and I Are in Love

I Think My "Best Friend" and I Are in Love

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

I've been best friends with this guy for about seven years, and we've both had significant others for about four of those years.

The thing is, whenever we hang out alone we're just naturally flirty. And as we've grown up together, it's getting complicated! His girlfriend is always away out of state at school and my boyfriend works long hours, so we're always hanging out together. When we do, he will do things like hug me, tickle me, play with my hair, play with my hands, etc.

I am almost 100 percent sure he would never actually try to do anything sexual, but all of this playful flirting has caused me to have a crush on him. Also, whenever I talk about my boyfriend he usually changes the subject, and he never wants to hang out with us as a group even though we used to. Judging by his actions I'm pretty sure he has developed a crush on me too. I know he's committed to his girlfriend because he has talked about their future/marriage, but he also talks about their fights a lot, and that secretly makes me happy! I feel so guilty. I'm not going to just cut off my best friend and be sad, but this crush is getting ridiculous. Sometimes I want to be with him more than my own boyfriend, even though my boy is a great guy. Any thoughts on my situation?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community. Maybe we'll feature your content on TrèsSugar.

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hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 6 years
LOL, thanks LikeThoseSho I think I've got my hands full with all of my twenty-something friends
LikeThoseShoes LikeThoseShoes 6 years
im with hypnoticmix on this.... his comment was very well said. hypnoticmix, you should have ur own advice column!
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 6 years
This makes for a cute love story and is actually not an uncommon dilemma. Friendship is the foundation for the healthiest long term relationships if it's that strong and true IMO don't ignore it. The choices before you two are by no means easy. You have a couple of choices; ignore it and wonder what if for the rest of your life while the love only grows stronger and deeper as time goes on or choose it and hurt two other people in the process. That part will be an emotional burden but rest assured in the long run they will respect you for releasing them if you couldn't give yourself to them completely. What you're doing is releasing them to find some one who can. They won't think it in the moment but they will realize it later on. I think it's time for you two to face the music because the symphony appears to be reaching a crescendo. If the thought is even going to be entertained you want to strike while the iron is hot. That will keep the wind in your sails through the stormy seas ahead while you break up with your respective partners now.Best Wishes!
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 6 years
This makes for a cute love story and is actually not an uncommon dilemma. Friendship is the foundation for the healthiest long term relationships if it's that strong and true IMO don't ignore it. The choices before you two are by no means easy. You have a couple of choices; ignore it and wonder what if for the rest of your life while the love only grows stronger and deeper as time goes on or choose it and hurt two other people in the process. That part will be an emotional burden but rest assured in the long run they will respect you for releasing them if you couldn't give yourself to them completely. What you're doing is releasing them to find some one who can. They won't think it in the moment but they will realize it later on. I think it's time for you two to face the music because the symphony appears to be reaching a crescendo. If the thought is even going to be entertained you want to strike while the iron is hot. That will keep the wind in your sails through the stormy seas ahead while you break up with your respective partners now. Best Wishes!
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
Is there a way you could talk to your best friend about this? If you both have intense feelings for eachother and a lifetime of friendship behind you, it would be good to know before he gets married to someone he might not want to in his heart of hearts. Before this escalates into something that will cause a lot of heartache all around, make sure you know where he stands. If you're both really into eachother, maybe it's time to break things off with your significant others. It's gonna hurt them, but it will be better than to let this develop into a relationship-on-the-side. That would hurt a whole lot more.I agree with the above poster that you're already "emotionally cheating" so make sure you resolve this in the best manner possible! You don't want that emotional cheating to develop into a full blown cheating situation. Good luck and I hope everyone involved finds out where they're supposed to be.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
Is there a way you could talk to your best friend about this? If you both have intense feelings for eachother and a lifetime of friendship behind you, it would be good to know before he gets married to someone he might not want to in his heart of hearts. Before this escalates into something that will cause a lot of heartache all around, make sure you know where he stands. If you're both really into eachother, maybe it's time to break things off with your significant others. It's gonna hurt them, but it will be better than to let this develop into a relationship-on-the-side. That would hurt a whole lot more. I agree with the above poster that you're already "emotionally cheating" so make sure you resolve this in the best manner possible! You don't want that emotional cheating to develop into a full blown cheating situation. Good luck and I hope everyone involved finds out where they're supposed to be.
picturemeurs picturemeurs 6 years
I was in a similar situation. I had my boyfriend but was spending way too much time with my male bff.Eventually we ended up getting together and my boyfriend was sincerly hurt with this. At the end of the day I figured you need to follow ur heart. Take risks. We're happy now but your situation may be different.Are you sure this is something that wont just blow over? If you really love your boyfriend see if you can give it some time, condition your mind to get over this crush. If that doesn't work then maybe you need to have a talk with both. See how your bff feels, if those feelings are reciprocated. If so discuss what should be the next best move. If he's willing to give up his relationship, which seems kinda serious to begin something with you. If you however choose your boyfriend,consider coming face on with your feelings and taking sometime away from your best friend. Maybe plan a nice getaway with your boyfriend, a road trip maybe? Something that gets yall closer, spice things up. Either way, from experience emotional cheating is a serious thing and you should take some time to think about how to get a grip on things before it escalates.
picturemeurs picturemeurs 6 years
I was in a similar situation. I had my boyfriend but was spending way too much time with my male bff.Eventually we ended up getting together and my boyfriend was sincerly hurt with this.At the end of the day I figured you need to follow ur heart. Take risks. We're happy now but your situation may be different.Are you sure this is something that wont just blow over? If you really love your boyfriend see if you can give it some time, condition your mind to get over this crush.If that doesn't work then maybe you need to have a talk with both. See how your bff feels, if those feelings are reciprocated. If so discuss what should be the next best move. If he's willing to give up his relationship, which seems kinda serious to begin something with you.If you however choose your boyfriend,consider coming face on with your feelings and taking sometime away from your best friend. Maybe plan a nice getaway with your boyfriend, a road trip maybe? Something that gets yall closer, spice things up.Either way, from experience emotional cheating is a serious thing and you should take some time to think about how to get a grip on things before it escalates.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 6 years
When things like this happen, I'd like to suggest to...reverse the situation, and see it from your bf's pov. Let's just say, your bf has a very close female friend (beside you, his gf) who has a bf of her own...and he's feeling a huge crush on his friend although definitely see you as a nice good gf and won't break up with you.So what do you want your bf to do to you? Be a good bf and try to not get tempted or indulge in temptation? Or cheat on you with his friend to be found out by you eventually and break your heart? Or continue the relationship with you while emotionally cheating on you, hoping for one day his friend will be 'free' and he'll get to dump you?How would you feel if you found out your bf has been crushing on another girl (in real life and it's his bff)?Choose your action on what you want others to do to you too. Good luck.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 6 years
When things like this happen, I'd like to suggest to...reverse the situation, and see it from your bf's pov. Let's just say, your bf has a very close female friend (beside you, his gf) who has a bf of her own...and he's feeling a huge crush on his friend although definitely see you as a nice good gf and won't break up with you. So what do you want your bf to do to you? Be a good bf and try to not get tempted or indulge in temptation? Or cheat on you with his friend to be found out by you eventually and break your heart? Or continue the relationship with you while emotionally cheating on you, hoping for one day his friend will be 'free' and he'll get to dump you? How would you feel if you found out your bf has been crushing on another girl (in real life and it's his bff)? Choose your action on what you want others to do to you too. Good luck.
akanoname akanoname 6 years
both of you know that what you are doing is wrong. There will always be temptation in life. Ask yourself if you trully love your boyfriend and willing to talk about this problem to him? Are you willing to risk loosing him? I hope things goes well. good luck
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