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I Want to Hook Up With a Girl

"I Want to Hook Up With a Girl"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have a fantasy of hooking up with a girl. Not just kissing but being naked and going all the way. The problem is that my boyfriend, who I've been in a relationship with for years, thinks of it as cheating if I even so much as kissed another girl. I have a friend who is very curious as well, but her boyfriend says the same thing. I wouldn't want to ruin the friendship anyway, but I don't know what to do about these thoughts that keep plaguing my mind.

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Jake2010 Jake2010 5 years
Hmmmm... this one is a hard one... seeing as this is fantasy/curiosity material.... there should not be an overwhelming sense of urgency to hook up with a girl... I think you might get what you want by talking more to your boyfriend about it... study the pros and cons.... as a guy, I don't think I would be freaked out if my gf wanted to try it and she wanted me to participate or at least watch.... I WOULD be more concerned if my gf wanted me to share her with another guy.... although both 3-some styles hold curiosity I can honestly state I would have a much bigger issue with another guy on my girl - especially if I really cared for her... in a one-night-stand environment.. then I'll do it with any combination and just have fun with it... Just my 2 cents...
Jake2010 Jake2010 5 years
Hmmmm... this one is a hard one... seeing as this is fantasy/curiosity material.... there should not be an overwhelming sense of urgency to hook up with a girl... I think you might get what you want by talking more to your boyfriend about it... study the pros and cons.... as a guy, I don't think I would be freaked out if my gf wanted to try it and she wanted me to participate or at least watch.... I WOULD be more concerned if my gf wanted me to share her with another guy.... although both 3-some styles hold curiosity I can honestly state I would have a much bigger issue with another guy on my girl - especially if I really cared for her... in a one-night-stand environment.. then I'll do it with any combination and just have fun with it...Just my 2 cents...
Girl101 Girl101 5 years
I had some of the same feelings, but my boyfriend now husband understood. We set some ground rules and explored our sexual desires and fantasies. It helped that I wanted him to participate, kind of a safety blanket for me and a fmf was a fantasy of his. I enjoyed it very much, but I still consider myself straight. After a few times, we both seemed to be realize that making love was better with just the two of us but I am glad I was able to see what it was like and that he was so understanding about my curiosity. I think in the long run we are stronger because I am not wondering if I am missing something and it is not some forbidden fruit.
jill10014 jill10014 5 years
This is a bit of a situation and you haven't given enough information to give you perfect advice - I can only present information to you based on what I have been through. My bf of six years and I are in the swinger community and regularly hold swinger parties ... and see this issue come up quite a bit. When does sex (including kissing, oral, etc.) with anyone other than your SO become cheating. We as a COUPLE decided that it is cheating if the other person is not aware of what is happening. For some people, this is not true. The relationship that he and I have is worth far more to me a fling with a girl on the side. Is your fantasy more important than your relationship? Only you can make that decision. It sounds like you need to have a serious conversation with your BF and try to determine if a 3some is something that he would consider. If this is nagging you now, it will only become worse with time.
jill10014 jill10014 5 years
This is a bit of a situation and you haven't given enough information to give you perfect advice - I can only present information to you based on what I have been through. My bf of six years and I are in the swinger community and regularly hold swinger parties ... and see this issue come up quite a bit. When does sex (including kissing, oral, etc.) with anyone other than your SO become cheating. We as a COUPLE decided that it is cheating if the other person is not aware of what is happening. For some people, this is not true. The relationship that he and I have is worth far more to me a fling with a girl on the side. Is your fantasy more important than your relationship? Only you can make that decision. It sounds like you need to have a serious conversation with your BF and try to determine if a 3some is something that he would consider. If this is nagging you now, it will only become worse with time.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I think if my husband finds another man attractive and act on it (making out with him, etc), I'd consider that cheating. So I'm sure that if you hooked up either with a girl or a guy and you know your bf thought it was cheating = you're cheating. If you really want the experience, I suggest you break up with your bf. Yes, I'm serious. I mean, if you're young and you still want to experiment, and he's not like that, then it is what it is. Good luck.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I think if my husband finds another man attractive and act on it (making out with him, etc), I'd consider that cheating. So I'm sure that if you hooked up either with a girl or a guy and you know your bf thought it was cheating = you're cheating.If you really want the experience, I suggest you break up with your bf. Yes, I'm serious. I mean, if you're young and you still want to experiment, and he's not like that, then it is what it is. Good luck.
GregS GregS 5 years
If he thinks it's cheating, then it is. At least to him. So you have a choice. Do you keep it as a fantasy? Or do you go ahead with this knowing that it could poison the well with the bf. IMHO, the bf sounds controlling, and that's through your filter. Using "even so much as" is one indicator of this. So do you want to be in a LT relationship like this? That's totally up to you. In terms of your friend, you shouldn't mess up her relationship to try something out. Experimentation is fine so long as no harm is done. In the case you're presenting, two couples could well become four individuals. Tread carefully.
GregS GregS 5 years
If he thinks it's cheating, then it is. At least to him. So you have a choice. Do you keep it as a fantasy? Or do you go ahead with this knowing that it could poison the well with the bf. IMHO, the bf sounds controlling, and that's through your filter. Using "even so much as" is one indicator of this. So do you want to be in a LT relationship like this? That's totally up to you.In terms of your friend, you shouldn't mess up her relationship to try something out. Experimentation is fine so long as no harm is done. In the case you're presenting, two couples could well become four individuals.Tread carefully.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 5 years
If it makes you feel any better: if you are bi but are in a monogamous relationship with a guy, you will always want to be with girls. It doesn't matter if you do it once or a hundred times. It won't be out of your system. This of course works the other way around too (if you're bi but in a monogamous relationship with a girl). I'm not saying life is harder for bisexual people, because straight people in relationships may be tempted to do things with someone of the other gender at times. Don't cheat on your partner. He clearly told you it's not okay, so treat it as though you were cheating on him with another man. You can either suck it up and have it be a fantasy, or you can end the relationship and maybe find one with a partner that will allow you freedoms like this. Just know that the feeling of wanting to do it will never go away. It's a matter of how much you're willing to live with that. Most people deal with it quite alright, since a majority of the population is in monogamous relationships.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 5 years
If it makes you feel any better: if you are bi but are in a monogamous relationship with a guy, you will always want to be with girls. It doesn't matter if you do it once or a hundred times. It won't be out of your system. This of course works the other way around too (if you're bi but in a monogamous relationship with a girl). I'm not saying life is harder for bisexual people, because straight people in relationships may be tempted to do things with someone of the other gender at times. Don't cheat on your partner. He clearly told you it's not okay, so treat it as though you were cheating on him with another man.You can either suck it up and have it be a fantasy, or you can end the relationship and maybe find one with a partner that will allow you freedoms like this. Just know that the feeling of wanting to do it will never go away. It's a matter of how much you're willing to live with that. Most people deal with it quite alright, since a majority of the population is in monogamous relationships.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
I agree with the comments above. It is cheating, but if this is a nagging curiosity of yours you should break up with your boyfriend and give it a whirl.
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 5 years
It is cheating if you hook up with anyone that isn't your partner, if you do not have their consent- period. If this is something you want to do, maybe you just need to end your relationship then go for this girl on girl encounter.
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
Sot on Spacekat; we are not just an entertainment centre for others,men or women. I like the gay bar idea too.
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
Sot on Spacekat; we are not just an entertainment centre for others,men or women.I like the gay bar idea too.
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
I agree with most of the comments above. I certainly would not advocate a threesome with someone for your first experience - too complicated. This is a case of if you don't try you'll never know. It could well be that if you feel like being with another person, regardless of gender then you are not ready to settle with him. Best wishes. x
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
I agree with most of the comments above. I certainly would not advocate a threesome with someone for your first experience - too complicated.This is a case of if you don't try you'll never know. It could well be that if you feel like being with another person, regardless of gender then you are not ready to settle with him.Best wishes. x
BiWife BiWife 5 years
If you want to explore your sexuality, you have to decide whether you're going to cheat on the guy you're with, or let him loose and explore while single. Guys that will consider non-threesome sexual encounters with someone else not cheating are few and far between (I married one of the few). They either want it to be some male fantasy of being with two girls or it's no fun for them (they might even be jealous of the girls you get). Also, you shouldn't be picking who to test the waters with from among your circle of friends. Sex complicates relationships and gay sex doubly so (thanks to social mores and taboos), and from personal experience it's just easier to start a new relationship with someone you're really attracted to.
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