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Ignored by My Boyfriend

Group Therapy: Fighting For His Attention After 4 Years Together

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend and I met in college almost four years ago through some of my girlfriends, and after college we spent almost two years doing long distance — he is in Med School and I was working in another state. I moved to be with him in Feb., quit my job and left friends because I wanted our relationship to progress and we didn't want to do long distance forever. 

Prior to me moving we saw each every 4 weeks or so and talked at night for about 30 mins, and now that I've moved I see him an hour or so a day for dinner, even on the weekends. We have a great time together when he's home, but I haven't made a good group of friends here yet, and he doesn't seem to understand how lonely and bored I get when he's constantly out of the house. He's a really great guy and I know he loves me, but I feel like I constantly have to compete for his time. He's infamous for taking me to parties with him and then leaving me alone in rooms full of people I don't know, and although this doesn't normally bother me, after 4 years I feel like he should be wanting to spend more time with me than his huge group of friends, especially considering he's planning to ask me to marry him. 

He's taking his boards in a few weeks, so he's been studying almost 16 hours a day with another girl, quizzing each other and working through practice tests. He knows I am not comfortable with him spending so much time with her, especially since I see him so little and he's agreed in the future not to study one on one with a girl. He has a three-week break once this test is over, and I've been really looking forward to finally having time with him since he won't have any commitments, but he's already talking about filling up those weeks with trips to see his friends from home, his parents, and things he wants to do with his current school friends. It seems like all the time we could have spent together is slowly being eaten away. I told him again how frustrating it is that I feel like I have to tie him down to get him to spend time with me, and he says he gets it, but I know he feels torn between seeing me and wanting to do all these other things. 

We currently live together, and we are planning to get married in two years when he graduates, but I'm worried it will always be like this, and I'm going to end up resenting him because I always feel like his last priority. Any thoughts or perspective would be helpful!

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