My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years now and he's a great guy, however, recently I've developed feelings for his best friend. His friend is everything he's not; confident, grown up, gorgeous and charming.
At first I dismissed it as a harmless, idle crush. But this past weekend it was my boyfriend's birthday and he over did it on the alcohol and got really messy. His best friend was my hero that night. He took care of my drunken boyfriend and me, making sure we both got home safely and that I was OK.
Since then, all I can think about is the hug he gave me that night, as he told me that everything would be OK. What does it mean now that I have this huge crush on my boyfriend's best friend? What can I do about it? I really want to date him. In A Mess Jess
To see DEARSUGAR’s answer
Dear In A Mess Jess
You can’t go there girlfriend, so don’t even think about it. If you care at all about your boyfriend, you’ll back this train to nowhere right on up. He will resent you for breaking his heart and moving in on his best friend. What's worse is that you could wind up causing an argument between two friends. You don’t want to be that girl; no one will trust you or like you for it.
Remember the episode on Friends in Season Four called "The One With Chandler In A Box?" Joey made Chandler spend Thanksgiving in a shipping crate as punishment because Chandler kissed Joey's girlfriend Kathy. As much as it stinks, you’ve got to fight off this urge.
Try and spin this so that you can still have him in your life somehow. Although you can't date him, you can gain him as a buddy that you find attractive. Not only would your boyfriend be pleased if you guys became friends, but if (or should I say when) you and your boyfriend break up, you’ll be able to keep him in your life because the relationship was always strictly platonic.
On a side-note, can we address that you don't think very highly of your boyfriend and maybe you should consider that he isn't the right guy for you? If he only knew that you thought he lacked charm, good looks and confidence he would be crushed. I'm sorry that I can't give you permission to go after your boyfriend's best friend, but I do think that he can remain in your life as a pal. Good luck.