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I'm A Mom Who's Having 2nd Thoughts on Marriage and Kids

I'm A Mom Who's Having 2nd Thoughts on Marriage and Kids

Dear Sugar
I have major issues going on and I don't know how to deal with it. My problem is my being a parent. I'm 30 years old with 3 very young kids. I love them, I truly do. I was raised somewhat "Mexican" old school. You get married, you have kids and you stay home with them. I met a man with the same values and here we are. The problem is that I am SO unhappy. I stay home with them and I find it is SO hard to want to be a Mom. I hate taking them anywhere because it's so much hassle in and out of car seats, in and out of the grocery basket, their crying, and they need me for everything, just as kids do. Too many times I just want to say I'M DONE! But of course, I never would be able to leave my babies. My husband DOES NOT get it. I'm here all day with them while he's at work and when he comes home, he watches TV. and my job continues - dinner, bath time, bed, then cleaning up the mess they made only to do it again. If I do go somewhere without the kids, he'll call me a million times to find out what time I'm coming home, as ask why I haven't I left yet. Oh! And I just have to make dinner before I do go somewhere because he can't cook and he doesn't want to drag the kids to get something to eat. I can't believe this is my life. I don't understand why I hate being a parent. I feel so ashamed and tired of taking kids everywhere I go. My husband encourages me to go to school but I feel so unmotivated to even shower sometimes the thought of years of school just makes me want to cry. I just want to be left alone and find myself wishing I had never gotten married and had kids because I am so selfish. I feel very ashamed. Dissatisfied Dori

Dear Dissatisfied Dori
You certainly don't deserve to feel ashamed. It's not abnormal for you to feel like giving your entire life away for your kids is what you signed up for. It's reasonable that you need some freedom. Every single Mother in the world goes through phases where the crying and the needing get to be too much to handle. And that's why those who can afford full time help hire nannies. In the 50's women would be judged for wanting help with their children, but these days families hire them before the kids are even born just so they can have more time to themselves - and there is nothing wrong with that. Just as kids throw tantrums, you are having a minor meltdown. Take a deep breath and try and picture yourself in 5 years, when the kids are all out of diapers. You will be the luckiest of the bunch! Your body will look great, you will be done with all of the baby stuff and your life will be your own again (or at least until 3:00 when the kids get out of school). And it will only get better from there. All of the other Mother's who chose to hang onto their early 30's and travel or "be selfish" will be looking at you longingly. As far as addressing your misery now, you need to talk to your husband. Does he understand how much pain you are in? Can he make some concessions to help afford you some part time help? And/or is it possible for you to move closer to family? You can't be expected to do this all on your own.

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