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I’m Scared To Tell My Parents That I’m Pregnant

Dear Sugar,

I am 22 years old and I recently found out that I am pregnant. I'm not married but have been with my boyfriend for about four years. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant and I don't know how to tell my parents. I have to tell them soon. The anxiety from the pressure is very stressful for me. Is there an easy way to tell them without being disowned? I've only got my boyfriend to talk to and I am scared.
- PreMarital Pregnant Prianna

To see DEARSUGAR's answers

Dear Premarital Pregnant Prianna
Have your parents threatened to disown you if you became pregnant? They may be shocked but give them the benefit of the doubt – they could be VERY excited about the prospect of having a grandchild.

I know you are overwhelmed so let's take this one step at a time. First things first – you need to have a serious discussion with your boyfriend about:

  • Your plans for marriage (if any),
  • How are you both planning on financially supporting your child?
  • Where will you live with your baby?
  • Your views on core values such as: religion, parenting styles, education and the breakdown of your involvement in raising this child.

It's important that you understand that you are bringing another person into this world. Once you and your boyfriend are on the same page, ask him if he is willing to be there with you when you tell your parents. Be willing to do the same for him when he tells his parents. If you think it will be easier, then talk to one parent at a time.

There are resources out there for support if your parents do freak out and disown you. There is Planned Parenthood 1-800-230-PLAN, The Riverways Pregnancy Resource Center , The Children's Aid Society or, you can always call 212-949-4800 for more information about adoption and foster care options.

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kaylene28 kaylene28 4 years
I was 18 when I got pregnant with my high school sweet hearts baby. When I told my parents well lets just say my mother was so mad and she showed it with all the name calling, as for my dad well he cried and that hurt me the most that he dissapointing my father. But havin said that they got over it my mother threw me a baby shower and well my dad and son are like two peas in a pot. Tell them, the sooner you tell them the sooner you will have that 10lbs weight lifted off your shoulders and you will feel so much better. Make sure you make the right choices for this child for when this baby came I still lived at home i left the dad he moved away and all i had was my parents. when my son was seven he met his father for the first time WOW!! he was told this is your dad this is dads gf and they are having a baby all in one month. I know that i didn't make all the right choices for my son I was young i missed out on a lot and tried to catch up but ended up causing more harm then good. SO make sure you have a plan. Trust me it will all work out Now hear this I was with my bf for 3 and a half years we seperated for he made choice in life i didn not agree with. A year latter while i was doing my practical at the hospital across from his house we happened to run into each other and started talking again. as far as I knew he no longer lived that life but was un sure, so we happened to get together one night and before I knew it my car was surround my cops guess that life was not over. I spent a night in jail and was realeased the next day. He told them i had nothing to do with this and to let me go and they did he was given an extra year for getting me off. it has now been a long time and when he was released from jail I was the first person he came to see he has spent every day appologizing to me and I forgive him. He has got a great job now and has been nothing but good to me and my son since Here is the big part I have been on my pill for 10 years and we did it and I got pregnant DAM!!! I am scared to death to tell my folks for what happened when i was 18 and because well they DONT LIKE HIM. I live on my own I work at the hospital infact i got four jobs good ones and am 28 But I am scared to death about how to aproch them the second time around. Does anyone have any upliftting advice ?
kaylene28 kaylene28 4 years
I was 18 when I got pregnant with my high school sweet hearts baby. When I told my parents well lets just say my mother was so mad and she showed it with all the name calling, as for my dad well he cried and that hurt me the most that he dissapointing my father. But havin said that they got over it my mother threw me a baby shower and well my dad and son are like two peas in a pot. Tell them, the sooner you tell them the sooner you will have that 10lbs weight lifted off your shoulders and you will feel so much better. Make sure you make the right choices for this child for when this baby came I still lived at home i left the dad he moved away and all i had was my parents. when my son was seven he met his father for the first time WOW!! he was told this is your dad this is dads gf and they are having a baby all in one month. I know that i didn't make all the right choices for my son I was young i missed out on a lot and tried to catch up but ended up causing more harm then good. SO make sure you have a plan. Trust me it will all work out Now hear this I was with my bf for 3 and a half years we seperated for he made choice in life i didn not agree with. A year latter while i was doing my practical at the hospital across from his house we happened to run into each other and started talking again. as far as I knew he no longer lived that life but was un sure, so we happened to get together one night and before I knew it my car was surround my cops guess that life was not over. I spent a night in jail and was realeased the next day. He told them i had nothing to do with this and to let me go and they did he was given an extra year for getting me off. it has now been a long time and when he was released from jail I was the first person he came to see he has spent every day appologizing to me and I forgive him. He has got a great job now and has been nothing but good to me and my son since Here is the big part I have been on my pill for 10 years and we did it and I got pregnant DAM!!! I am scared to death to tell my folks for what happened when i was 18 and because well they DONT LIKE HIM. I live on my own I work at the hospital infact i got four jobs good ones and am 28 But I am scared to death about how to aproch them the second time around. Does anyone have any upliftting advice ?
hilary77 hilary77 8 years
Wow well your not that young I mean kids are getting pregnant at 12 now days.Im not sure I know how they will react if their religious that could be a problem though.I sugest you tell them your sorry and know you made a mistake but u need them right now a lot.Good luck
wynter wynter 9 years
Come up with a future plan with your BF, and both of you tell them together. I'm sure everything won't be rosy at first, but they'll come around to it. Good luck! It would make a good question for Dear Sugar.
sjpwannabe sjpwannabe 9 years
simply sara -- that is a great question for dear sugar!
SimplySara2005 SimplySara2005 9 years
I'm 19. I've been with my boyfriend for just about 3 years... we've been talking about getting married... and recently I started to have some symptoms of pregnancy. When I missed my period this month.. I started to get kind of worried. Yesterday morning I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I then took another one about 8 hours later and it too was positive. I told my boyfriend and we're both excited... but im worried about my parents reaction. I don't have much choice, I'm going to have to tell them.. because this child is our responsibility (my boyfriend and i's). I just I can figure out how to tell them soon. And I hope they don't freak out... Anyone have any ideas on how to tell them?
Splenda Splenda 10 years
Adriana- When you ask such ignorant questions about "Whatever happened to birth control?", ask your parents the same thing. Didn't feel very good on the other foot? My Opinion- Why the cruel sarcasm towards pregnant girls? This girl and thousands of others are dealing with the same thing right now. She needs supportive words, not any that are going to make her feel worse. You have no idea what she may be going through. Girls do get raped also, you know. Nothing is 100% proof, other than being celibate. Don't judge someone until you know the whole story. We're here to have fun, and to crack on celebrities, not a person's body, choice, or situation that may (not) have occured.
wynter wynter 10 years
Most likely, your parents will be supportive after the shock. You're an adult afterall, not a teenager still in high school (and even those mothers survive). I married at 19, and we promised both of our parents that we wouldn't have children until I finished college. Well, 6 months later, I'm pregnant. They were shocked at first...my dad was ANGRY, but after they got used to the idea, everyone was excited. Then, we got pregnant again when I was 20 and 21 (planned this time). Both sets of parents were more supportive at first, but they let us know, they thought we were having babies too close together. Well, we wanted our kids close in age, and we both wanted to be young parents. Now, I have two sons who are the best of friends (our firstborn passed away as an infant), and I think we've gained respect from both of our families because of it. Both of our sons had complications and they were both in the NICU for a length of time, and I had to have c-sectiosn with them all. Our medical bills were pretty expensive, but not once did we ask for help with them or any other baby expense. I think it took that for them to actually see us as adults instead of their "babies". I also have a wonderful support system of grandparents now. They are all very close to my children, and their worlds revolve around them. What was probably a "mistake" of ours to them then is now what makes them the happiest in life. I managed to finish college too (with double majors), even with two kids. :) I know I wouldn't give up being a young mom for anything. It has its advantages too. So...don't see it as something terrible and don't be afraid to tell your parents. Even if they have trouble accepting it, once they see their grandchild, that baby will be putty in their hands. Any problems they had will be forgiven, and I'm sure you'll end up with a great support system too! Just don't give up hope on them. :)
yayita yayita 10 years
True that Caligirl
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 10 years
i have no advice, but i hope it all works out for the best. i come from the if-you-get-pregnant-before-marriage-we-will-disown-you type of family so i definitely understand why you're afraid.
sweet-pea sweet-pea 10 years
Hmmm... lets be realistic- many people who have sex are not always fully prepared to deal with the consequences each and every time. Young or old. I'm sure many of us were not fully planned- doesn't mean we weren't ultimately wanted or thay our homes or lives were sub par. Thats life- it doesn't always go the way you plan it. Good luck with your parents- remember they were your age once too.
caligirl1201 caligirl1201 10 years
I just read this and I'm the same age as you and I know this must be scary. You are an adult and you can handle this and the first step is telling your parents. To the person that made the insensitive comment above, everybody makes mistakes and you can't take this back. Anyways I wish you good luck and hope your parents support you.
Adriana42 Adriana42 10 years
I meant to say "to deal with the consequences" not circumstances
Adriana42 Adriana42 10 years
with sex comes responisbility and if you're not an adult enough to deal with circumstances when they arise then you are not an adult enough to have sex in the first place.. call me heartless and judgemental i dont care but i side more with the babies who are brought to life unplanned and sometimes in a very unprepared home that doesnt offer the care and everything best that babies deserve. We are the adults after all and we should not be selfish and only think about ourselves but the potential babies and their lives and happiness as well.
yayita yayita 10 years
This is tough but at least she is a bit older and not 16. Just let it rip, tell them and I'm sure they'll support you after a few days.
SailorMarie SailorMarie 10 years
I am now 32 years old, I met my husband when I was 20 and within the following year became engaged, married and then pregnant. That was 12 years ago. I was and am a young mom with an 8 & 10 year old. I would not trade them for anything they are so special, and I adore my husband, even after 12 years!!! It is not always easy, there will be struggles and celebrations. Look deep within yourself and be strong!
elaine elaine 10 years
so, how do we post questions to dear sugar anyways?
Imabeliever Imabeliever 10 years
You know your parents- we don't. But 90% of parents will get over the intial shock and be supportive. If yours falls into the other 10% then you have better things to put your energy into then how they are going to react. First, make sure you and your boyfriend are on the same page. Make sure you have answers for the questions your parents will ask. And stay calm. Make sure you are ok with this and then you will be in a better position to help make them ok with it. Good luck to you and congrats on the sweet little life you are about to bring into the world.
Louise-UK Louise-UK 10 years
i was on the pill when I got preggers,I had antibiotics for pnuemonia and it rendered the pill ineffective.My parents are strict Irish catholics and there were no other unmarried mums in our huge extended family.I shat myself.My brother put on 'papa don't preach' and shouted my mum up the stairs.Can.You.Imagine.She wouldn't talk to me for about four days,but she came round then and she adores my son,her only grandchild. My dad was typically laid back about it, it was just the fact that they knew i'd had sex that made me cringe. It might seem like the worst catastrophe ever,at the time,but once you tell your parents, it will be like a weight lifted off your shoulders
serendipity75 serendipity75 10 years
This girl is NO different than anyone else here by having pre marital sex. The ONLY difference is that she got pregnant. It could happen to anyone of us. WHO KNOWS what happened, the condom could've broke, the pill isn't 100%. I got pregnant while on the pill. It happens. Ideally, yes, it would be easier if she were married first, but it sounds like it was unplanned and she is accepting the responsibility.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
now all ya'll unwed.............quote unplanned pregnancies...cause we have no idea it'll happen when we lay down., ppffft......ummm anyway, no offense. to each his own...but..all that said, I really 'do' hope it works out for ya, you are 22 and an adult, I seriously doubt your parents will disown you, that's a scare tactic....
elaine elaine 10 years
i was in the same situation, only i was 20, and (my now husband) and i had only been dating for about 4 months. theyll be shocked and prolly upset, but in the end they will love that child with all thier hearts. =)
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
I guess my opinion is just that, mine....but seriously, what DID happen to having a young, what we do as wild life, then settling down, getting MARRIED, THEN having kids, you know, like when you're READY....and ooh i know, in love! and ooh I know what else.....READY for kids and PROUD to shout it to the top of your lungs...........HEY ME AND MY HUSBAND ARE HAVING A BABY.................*
atoxicsparkle atoxicsparkle 10 years
Yes, telling tham asap (after the plan) is excellent. My sister is 16 and has the most beautiful 3 month old daughter. She got pregnant when she was 15, and guess who was recruited to tell the parentals. yep, me. i was really nervous and had this hold plan on how to make my dad not be a total ass and get it through his head that he couldn't change what was already done, etc. etc. But when I told them, the only thing that happened was my dad saying "I knew I shouldn't have let her date an older boy (he was 17), do you think we should get her counseling?" then he cried, then he was just as giddy about buying baby stuff as us girls (which is VERY abnormal for this man). So you never know what their reaction is going to be. Good luck to you!
FaeMuse FaeMuse 10 years
DEAR has excellent advice for you. Sooner rather than later is important in divulging the information, and definitely try to keep a strong relationship with your boyfriend at this time. Sitting down and having a serious conversation about your options, especially how you will support this baby, where you will live, and so on, presents you and your boyfriend both as mature and ready for these challenges. Prejudging your parents may not be a good idea, because after the initial surprise (and maybe upset/disappointment/excitement), things may not be negative. You are their daughter, after all, and your baby is part of their family too. :) Good luck!
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