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I'm Stuck In The Friend Zone

I'm Stuck In The Friend Zone

Dear Sugar
I have been very close friends with this guy around the corner from my house for about four years. We do everything together. We love being with each other and so we spend most of our time together. We tell each other everything and I think that he is just perfect.

Neither one of us are dating anyone right now so we always get the "why don't you guys try dating each other?" question. We both just say that it's because we are such good friends but lately I have been asking myself that same question!

The more we spend time together the more I am beginning to like him in that way. Sometimes I think he feels the same way, but other times I am just not sure. Do you think that I should talk to him about this? I am kind of scared. If I say something to him, I run the risk of losing my best friend, but if I keep quiet, I run the risk of losing my potential Mr. Right. I am so confused. Good Pal Val

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Good Pal Val
Go for it, life is too short and good men are hard to find. If I were you, I'd snatch him up while you can. Speaking your mind is a risky and bold, but could be well worth it in the long run. Trust your feelings and remember that he's your friend because you can openly and freely talk to him about anything.

Always prepare yourself for the worst, but the worst is your current situation. You'll always be best buds so if more is what you want, then you've got to try and get it! I know this could be an awkward conversation and it could totally catch him off guard. How about trying this out. You could say:

"This is so uncomfortable for me, but I really want to talk to you about our frienship. Recently, I've developed feelings for you that go above and beyond our friend zone. I've debated whether or not I should say anything to you about this, but I think it's time to come clean in the hopes that you share my feelings."

Oftentimes, Mr. Right is literally right in front of your face but you are too close to realize it. I hope this works out for you guys. If not, and he just wants to stay friends, unfortunately you are going to have to accept his wishes.

Be as graceful as possible about it and allow yourself some space to heal. Once you are OK again, go back to being friends. Good luck. It would really be wonderful to see you end up with your best friend; it's every girl's dream come true.

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Join The Conversation
Vsugar Vsugar 9 years
My experience with men is that they really like to make the first move. BUT, it really depends on what kind of person you are - if you are a take charge kind of woman, and making the first move is your MO, then you don't want to be with a man who will be turned off by that. That having been said, there is a LOT you can do to let him know you are interested without actually SAYING so: Laughing at a joke and then making eye-contact with a smile for a few seconds longer than you usually do. Eye-contact eye-contact eye-contact: Give him a kiss goodnight, and then look in his face with a smile for a few seconds longer than usual. You never know, a smile with a few seconds of clear, strong eye-contact might just make his heart skip a beat or two, and he may make the move on you!! Maybe he HASN'T made the move on you because he thinks you aren't open to it - but a little well-placed eye-contact with a friendly smile might make him change his mind. Try it. I had a man I met in store ask me out to dinner once, and when I asked him later what made him come over and ask, he said "Because I fancied you, and you smiled at me." I have never forgotten that, and it ALWAYS works!! Good luck. V
Lindsb Lindsb 9 years
I would probably be too chicken to just come right out and say I had feelings. I would beat around the bush.. maybe one day when there's a flirty atmosphere I would say something, like.. sometimes I think if we tried to date it would work, it would probably be awesome.. just to see what he says.. If he laughed at me.. I would take that as a sign. Haha. Hope that helps a little. Good luck!
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
i just heard the story of how some good friends of ours ended up together this last week. very similar situation, the guy wanted to date her but she initially said no we're "just friends" so they stayed friends but every year or so he'd come over, throw rocks at her window and say "why aren't we dating". it wasn't until she saw him with another girl, totally by accident, that she started to think "oh no!". so it's funny that tootsieshoes suggested he needs to see you as dating material, i guess that's what it was. anyway, after meeting as high school jr.'s and being friends for 6 years he finally came over (shortly after she had seen him with another girl) and told her that he had decided that if she wasn't interested in him romantically he was going to move away because he compared every girl he dated to her and it was just to hard. so she said she thought maybe they should try dating. which they did and now they have been married for 11 years and have 4 kids! your situation sounds very promising. good luck :)
FrugalFranny FrugalFranny 9 years
I was close friends with my now boyfriend for over three years before we got together. It was a bit awkward when we first approached it, and it's different to when you start going out with someone you've just met. You basically go straight to being comfortable without the exciting getting to know you period. That said I would definitely recomend giving it a go. We have now been together for 2 1/2 years, living together for 2 years and expecting our first child next june
tootsieshoes tootsieshoes 9 years
Before jumping into something - ie letting all your feelings out there are things you can do to prepare th stage as well. I would try doing things like getting friends to mention (in front of him) theyve seen other guys checking you out - because he needs to see you as dating material. As well, when your around him resist the urge to gossip and talk to him like hes another one of your girlfriends. Lastly, feel out his friends (tacktfully) beforehand - and confide in yours. Knowing people are there to support win or lose is great, and by getting some insider info from his friends before you leap - you know a bit more about how he might react and what you should prepare for. All the best to you girl....I really hope it works, Love Kellie
Holly-Golightly Holly-Golightly 9 years
An old boyfriend of mine once told me something I've never forgotten. He said a guy will NEVER approach a girl to be friends unless he finds her attractive. (Unless they are kind of thrown together like they work together or they hang out in the same group of friends.) He may have been wrong, but from everything I know about guys I think he was right. So, how did you become friends? If he initiated it, then that might give you some insight into how he feels about you. That said, I think you should go for it. You might regret it if you don't, and regret sucks.
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