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Imitation Is The Highest Form Of Flattery

Dear Sugar
One of my best friend's constantly copies every look of mine. She buys so many of the same clothes, shoes, bags, sunglasses as I do and she takes credit like her fashion sense is her own.

When we first met we had completely different styles. She was very preppy, while I am more trendy/designery. At first it was flattering, but now it's sort of creepy and obnoxious. We now have identical head to toe outfits... even our perfume is the same!

I feel like I should be getting a commission whenever she makes a new purchase. I know that she is a competitive person, but I don't understand why she would be competing with me - we are friends and I feel this is something friends shouldn't do.

We are both stylish girls in our own unique way. I consider my fashion choices a way of expressing my identity, so it feels as though she is "stealing" from me. I am getting really frustrated with her. Do you think that I am over-reacting or should I just let it go? How can I talk to her about this? Fashion Forward Friend

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Fashion Forward Friend
You have every right to be upset about this, how annoying of her. Even actual twins like the Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen dress differently as an expression of who they are. It's really weird and almost "single white female-y" of her to be copying your every look.

Your friend is clearly super insecure and she looks up to you. She is imitating you because she feels that you embody something she wishes she had; great fashion sense.

I think that if you confront her, you will just embarrass her. Instead, why don't you ask her to go shopping with you. This way when you are together you can ask her what HER opinions are and you can help each other nurture that unique individuality that brought you guys together in the first place.

By complimenting her choices, you will make her feel good about herself and maybe then she'll realize that there are things about her that even you want to emulate. That's about all you can really do. If she doesn't stop after that, then she may be too insecure and immature to be friends with.

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gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
I do not consider imitation flattery...to me is just plain stealing among "normal" people..if I was a celebrity I guess I could live with it...annoyingly...but it would be ok. Say NO to copycats!
rkdub rkdub 9 years
Isn't that the weirdest thing? People all over the world are starving involuntarily, while in the US, a very developed and wealthy country, people do it voluntarily? What a situation....
JennaV JennaV 9 years
Right. That is the one area they can have total control over in their lived. Not surprisingly, anorexia/bulimia overwhelmingly occur in western countries. I don't even know if it happens anywhere else.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 9 years
I'm such a dork and don't know why anyone would even fathom the thought of copying me, but it has happened to me so, so many times....I seriously 'don't' know why...maybe it's the "REAL" thing that is so appealing....?
rkdub rkdub 9 years
One of my good friends worked in the psych field and she said that the people with eating disorders are sometimes the hardest to help because they have major control issues.... and they are usually manipulative because of their need to be in control.
AshleyBrook AshleyBrook 9 years
Trust me, I totslly know what you mean! People caopy me all the time and it can get really annoying. What I always do is is start talking to them about it, and help her create her own style, that is different than yours but still something that is her. Go shopping with her and pick out something that you think she would look cute in and say to her, "Omg this would look great on you!" That is what always works for me. Good luck!
Kbrooks1122704 Kbrooks1122704 9 years
This happened to me 2 years ago, had this friend who I thought was awesome and it was nice getting the compliments and even helped her find the items I bought, soon enough found the b#@$ going through my room and when I thought she excused herself to go to the bathroom, soon after she had just about every new item I had, and was taking all the credit. The worse thing is she had an eating disorder and would always tell me how she had to get a smaller size then me and would purposely watch my reaction as if it would make her feel better. The final straw was when she got her hair done like mine and went after a guy I was seeing the night of my birthday. It was super creepy. Looking back, the girl was insecure. Taking her shopping to boost her moral wont help. You have to realize that while she might admire you it becomes an obsession after a while and leads to a very unhealthy friendship. People like this cannot control themselves so the longer you let this happen the worse it will get and trust me confrontation only makes the relationship worse. These people subconsciously know that they're doing but at many times cannot handle the reality of it. The best thing is to sever ties and let her regain her identity, or become a leach to someone else. It makes your life a lot less stressful. The only thing I regret is letting it go on for as long as it did. Good luck!
andrea5 andrea5 9 years
It's so funny that this has been posted, I've had a latch-on friend like this for over a year. On top of the copycat style, she also thinks it's normal to hang out in a threesome w/ me and my live-in bf... She's pretty much insane. My girlfriend and I have made up so many names for her, such as 'Doppleganger,' and we've turned the term swf into an adjective. ( IE - she needs to stop single-white-femaling my a$$! )! Don't sweat it, chicky, just stop answering her calls and she'll eventually move on, or just suck it up and hope she learns to find her own style. God, I need to forward this to my girlfriends, they're going to love this!!!
Louise-UK Louise-UK 9 years
It's the most incredibly annoying thing in the world,when it's happening to you.When other people complain about it,you just can't help saying "it's the most sincere form of flattery" I've said it myself,and it is true,but GOD! When you're the one being copied it's so frustrating,and you feel so petty moaning about it.
missnomi missnomi 9 years
crispet, I so know what you mean! somehow this 'friend' turned everything around and made me look like the cheap copy (she did have more money, so she could affort higher end versions of my style genius ;) )
ann_fancy ann_fancy 9 years
i Think everyone somehow knows people who do that, you feel like your identity is stolen ,it's not even about clothes anymore.
crispet1 crispet1 9 years
Ugh, I had a friend like this. She copied my haircut, bought the same style of shoes, quite a few things. And the thing is, she got more attention for it. Not me, who was the originator of whatever it was she copied. It really bothered me, so I know how you feel.
Faye16 Faye16 9 years
I'd hate that.
laiaira laiaira 9 years
I think this happens pretty frequently among friend groups- I wouldn't worry about it too much, eventually you'll find something she doesn't like, and she will go her own way... try to feel flattered, but if it REALLY gets to be too much, I'd vote and say confront her. Ask her if she doesn't mind going her own way for a bit. *~Laiaira~*
missnomi missnomi 9 years
I actually had a friend like that at one time. So annoying, especially if she sort of takes all the credits. what did I do? well, she WAS more or less single white female-y so, eventually I didn't hang out with her anymore.
audreystar audreystar 9 years
those are the twins from big brother 5.
pinkangelmonkey pinkangelmonkey 9 years
that is creepy...when i started reading i thought single white female...i think that you should tell her what you are thinking and that you are flattered but that you dont want to have all of the same outfits...go shopping and pick out stuff you dont like so she gets it then return it and then let her look like a dummy! just kidding that is too mean but really all you can do is tell her how you feel or if you dont than its your own fault and it will continue...
estahrox estahrox 9 years
I'd trick her into achieving her own identity. Go shopping and say "Let's just look at stuff you like today." Maybe you can help her figure out what she really likes, instead of just copying you. But if it gets to SWF, cut it off. She might just be a weirdo disguising herself as your twin.
Tiinnaaaa Tiinnaaaa 9 years
yeah..i would get really annoyed after a while..
beach_babe beach_babe 9 years
i would consider it flattery but i can definetly see how it would get enoying after awhile
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