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Impossible to Orgasm During Sex

Group Therapy: Orgasm Troubles With New Guy

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I need help on how to orgasm with a partner. I can masturbate on my own, but sometimes it takes a ridiculous amount of time to even get myself off. I've had a pretty okay sex life, nothing too great until my current partner; he's just great. But unfortunately for me, he loves it when a girl is really enjoying it and in turn orgasms from it, but I just can't. I do enjoy it; it feels great, but there's never a release, and I just don't know how to.

In regards to my sexual past, I'd say I was a late bloomer; I didn't have teenage relationships where you get a lot of "experience" foreplaying and stuff. I went directly into pleasing the men and not really letting myself get pleased or relax enough to let them, I guess? I'm also finding now that I'm hardly ever really wet down there. It is hit or miss; sometimes I can be drenched but others dry as a bone, and mentally I'm the same into the sex we are about to have.

I have purchased books in the past about this subject — didn't seem to help. I've approached a doctor about this, and she just shrugged me off (which was embarrassing, I don't talk to anyone about this and the first person — other than my boyfriend — totally down-steps it). Now I know people say, not every girl is going to orgasm, but from what I read, it seems like it does, so I feel like I'm the only one in the world missing out. I'm 27, not a young one, but seriously frustrated in more ways than one.

Any, any, any help/suggestions would be greatly appreciated, even if it is other books or websites or anything. I'm seemingly desperate to have an orgasm!!!!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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danakscully64 danakscully64 5 years
I agree with the other posters. You're not alone, many women (a good percentage) have never orgasmed from sex alone. I recommend bringing a vibrator into the bedroom. Be patient and relax.
looseseal looseseal 5 years
Yeah, it sounds like the biggest obstacle to your having an orgasm is that your mind is mostly worrying about whether you're pleasing him. It would probably help a lot if you're thinking about something that turns you on and gets you hot while you're trying to orgasm (as opposed to thinking about something that makes you anxious!). Remember, the brain is your most powerful sex organ.
Sandle Sandle 5 years
It sounds like you have trouble getting relaxed enough, or in the right frame of mind to orgasm. This can be hard to do, especially if you are overly concerned about pleasing him. I would recommend that you analyze how you feel when you are having sex and try to see when you are actively thinking about him vs. when you are thinking about nothing at all and simply enjoying. If that balance seems off, then you need to teach yourself to turn off your brain. Also, buy a vibrator and it won't take you a ridiculous amount of time to orgasm on your own. You might even learn some new things about your body that can translate over into your relationship.
Aquadave Aquadave 5 years
Sex is being selfish. I mean that in a good way. Don't worry about making him happy make yourself happy. that will make him happy. He gets off on pleasing you. (I do to). So be selfish make yourself happy and he'll be happy. Use him for your pleasure.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
Try to get him to duplicate what works for you. And, try to get into a committed relationship where care for each other and putting the other person first are the rules. Making sex special by reserving for only one, as he does the same for you, will help you get more out of it as well. Its purpose is pleasure. Work together to make it work for you both.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
To really figure out what's going on, I'd need to know more specifics. Like, how do you masturbate? What types of sexual activities/positions have you tried? Have you checked out erotic novels/stories? Explored fetishes? Generic advice can only go so far & you've tried most of what I would suggest generically. If you aren't comfortable getting nitty gritty on the post here, you're welcome to PM me
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