In every other relationship I've ever been in, I've never been bothered by "other women." I've always felt extremely confident in myself, my attitude, and my looks. I was never the jealous type or the kind of woman who was constantly comparing herself to others. I just wasn't like that. That is, until I became involved with my current boyfriend.
We've been together for approximately a year, and I rarely see my friends anymore. I don't go out much because I'm always spending time at home with him. At first, he never made it apparent or obvious when he thought another girl was attractive. His attention was always on me. I know it would be normal if he did, but he never used to watch porn or have "hot girl" magazines around, but lately everything's changed. I find he's been watching porn on the laptop, and usually I would never care. Then he started buying all sorts of magazines, ones full of beautiful, voluptuous women. In front of me, he's even said to his friend: "Check out the chicks in here!"
Like I said, I'm not used to feeling jealous and insecure over petty magazines and some porn, but it makes me so sad and angry and frustrated with myself. I've started to question if he's even attracted to me anymore. I mean, the women in these magazines have the exact opposite of my body type. I'm 5'4", thin, and 100 pounds. I have A-cup breasts, but I have a nice full bum that I love and long legs. I've never questioned myself in this way before and I don't understand why it's happening with him.
We also don't have sex as much anymore and I don't know why. I'm always down, but he seems to make excuses. Why does he make me feel more insecure than ever before? Maybe if the women in these pictures resembled my body type in some way, I'd feel better, but instead, I wonder: am I not what he's into? Am I not his type?
Tonight, when I came home, he was on YouTube searching "boob slip" and "nipple slips" and I was totally weirded out. First of all, who searches that? And second, I feel like he'd rather look at other women's breasts than at mine. I explained how I'm feeling and told him that I thought he was being really insensitive — I even brought up the magazines, but he says I'm overreacting. He said that guys don't have one single type, which is understandable, but why does he have to be so stunned about how he's hurting my feelings? I hate how he leaves those magazines just lying around everywhere. Am I being crazy and hormonal and insecure, or do I have a reason to be upset? How can I overcome this crazy jealousy?
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