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Insecure About His Porn Habit

"His Porn Habit Is Making Me Feel Insecure"

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

In every other relationship I've ever been in, I've never been bothered by "other women." I've always felt extremely confident in myself, my attitude, and my looks. I was never the jealous type or the kind of woman who was constantly comparing herself to others. I just wasn't like that. That is, until I became involved with my current boyfriend.

We've been together for approximately a year, and I rarely see my friends anymore. I don't go out much because I'm always spending time at home with him. At first, he never made it apparent or obvious when he thought another girl was attractive. His attention was always on me. I know it would be normal if he did, but he never used to watch porn or have "hot girl" magazines around, but lately everything's changed. I find he's been watching porn on the laptop, and usually I would never care. Then he started buying all sorts of magazines, ones full of beautiful, voluptuous women. In front of me, he's even said to his friend: "Check out the chicks in here!"

Like I said, I'm not used to feeling jealous and insecure over petty magazines and some porn, but it makes me so sad and angry and frustrated with myself. I've started to question if he's even attracted to me anymore. I mean, the women in these magazines have the exact opposite of my body type. I'm 5'4", thin, and 100 pounds. I have A-cup breasts, but I have a nice full bum that I love and long legs. I've never questioned myself in this way before and I don't understand why it's happening with him.

We also don't have sex as much anymore and I don't know why. I'm always down, but he seems to make excuses. Why does he make me feel more insecure than ever before? Maybe if the women in these pictures resembled my body type in some way, I'd feel better, but instead, I wonder: am I not what he's into? Am I not his type?

Tonight, when I came home, he was on YouTube searching "boob slip" and "nipple slips" and I was totally weirded out. First of all, who searches that? And second, I feel like he'd rather look at other women's breasts than at mine. I explained how I'm feeling and told him that I thought he was being really insensitive — I even brought up the magazines, but he says I'm overreacting. He said that guys don't have one single type, which is understandable, but why does he have to be so stunned about how he's hurting my feelings? I hate how he leaves those magazines just lying around everywhere. Am I being crazy and hormonal and insecure, or do I have a reason to be upset? How can I overcome this crazy jealousy?

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honeybee87 honeybee87 4 years
Hi there Funny story...the exact same thing is happening to me right now. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months (we live together) and I have always been aware of the porn he has on his laptop. It never bothered me until just the other night I noticed he was downloading more porn. I asked him about it and freaked out totally. I also felt insecure about it and we spoke. Anyway, to cut a long story short..yes, confront him about it and ask him why he does it. That is sure to make him feel uncomfortable. Don't pass any judgement...he likes what he likes and is entitled to his private viewing as long as he doesnt replace it with you. He shouldn't leave his shit lying around..(my bf doesn't own magazines) and the only time he should watch it while you're there is if its with you. Porn can be great. Another thing we have in commen as that I too have stopped seeing my friends as often as I used to. Thats gonna change from now onwards. You need to assert your independance and always remember, you have a right to a life seperate of his (as he has a right to indulge in porn seperate of you)..if that makes sense. Goodluck!
Sherrilee Sherrilee 4 years
I think he's trying to make you jealous. This man knows it is making you insecure . He probably enjoys it. As far a s not seeing your friends and getting out without him. this is the story of my life. He got you all to himself and now he is making you jealous and insedure. He has you in a box. step out of the box a little. He may show how jealous and insecure he is.
MyMiriam MyMiriam 4 years
Hi there. First hand, I would like to apologize beforehand for poor grammer, my first language is not english. It seems to me there are to main situations needing to be adressed here. The first is that when you stopped seeing your friends, going out, taking time just for you and nursing yourself, having something and being someone outside of the relationship, you made him the primary and singlemost important person in your life. That's a scary thing, and it's easy to become jealous and insecure, feeling threatened, when the horizon of your dailylife, is concentrated on him. You need to get out, see friends, work on being more independant, go out with out him and have a good time. Not to make him jealous, but to restore your own sense of perspective. The other issue is that he needs to learn to respect you. It's fine that he likes watching porn and looking at woman in magazines, but he should respect that it hurts you and stop flaunting it in your face, leaving stuff around the house for you to see. If he loves you, it should be in his interest that you are as happy and content in the relationship as it is in his power to make you. And vice versa. You should make sure the same for him. So to sum up: Get out there, live your life, strengthen the feeling of yourself, and the jealousy should diminish sooner or later. Secondly, talk to your hubby about respect. I hope I was just the slightest bit helpfull, and if not I'm sorry for the lengthy post. Good luck, hope it all get's better soon. Best regards, Miriam.
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