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Insulting Women as Pickup Strategy

Group Therapy: Insulting Women as a Pickup Strategy

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

After a particular encounter with a real jerk who works in my office I began to wonder if the neg-hit would work on men, too. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this term it's a scumbag trick where a man is a jerk to try and make you feel bad enough to seek his approval. A negative hit is an insult that is intended to bring a woman's self-perception more into line with reality. It's mostly used by so-called pickup artist lowlifes who want to try to lower a woman's self-esteem enough so that they actually have a chance of sleeping with her.

For example, if a guy that's hitting on you were to say, "Do you have highlights? I don't get why women ruin their hair with those streaks." This guy is purposely trying to insult you so you'll think, "What is up with this guy? He isn't falling all over me. Is my hair really that bad?" and try to make you self-conscious and simultaneously pique your curiosity. I've just been curious lately about whether or not this strategy would work on men too. I feel like if he's a cocky ass he'll be wondering why I'm not all over him like every other girl and become interested. I've never used a strategy like that but I think I'm going to conduct an experiment next chance I get out of sheer morbid curiosity. If it works I won't use this power for evil I swear! I'm interested to hear other people's opinions on this subject.

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RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 5 years
Hah I just read some stuff at the link that mncheerbabe posted, and almost all of those things are about fashion or makeup.. (Clearly.. what else could anyone have to talk about if they don't know a person).Honestly, if someone came up to me and gave me a back handed compliment about my outfit, I'd immediately assume it was a pissed off gay guy.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 5 years
Hah I just read some stuff at the link that mncheerbabe posted, and almost all of those things are about fashion or makeup.. (Clearly.. what else could anyone have to talk about if they don't know a person). Honestly, if someone came up to me and gave me a back handed compliment about my outfit, I'd immediately assume it was a pissed off gay guy.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 5 years
I think this only works on really really dumb and superficial people. No one who has never met me could ever hurt me in a way that would mean anything to me. Much less pique my interest. I wouldn't even speak to someone who says insulting things about other people. This has happened before: Guys making fun of people around us as a way to start a conversation. That is not very nice, and I always tell them they can eff right off. Nicely.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 5 years
I think this only works on really really dumb and superficial people. No one who has never met me could ever hurt me in a way that would mean anything to me. Much less pique my interest. I wouldn't even speak to someone who says insulting things about other people. This has happened before: Guys making fun of people around us as a way to start a conversation. That is not very nice, and I always tell them they can eff right off. Nicely.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Playful, teasing, not afraid to disagree. Those work great. Being tooooo agreeable or overly decorous can come across as low self esteem. Belle and Sabrina are right. Keep it positive and kind. Most guys will take offense if you get at all antagonistic. Which is what I found out.
Belle-de-Nuit Belle-de-Nuit 5 years
Unfortunately, when dealing with such idiots, there's no room for grey areas or subtleties. He won't perceive your "neg-hit" as a clever role-reversal of gender behaviors, he'll just think you're a bitch.And frankly, if a guy can't take a joke, he's not worth your time to begin with.
Belle-de-Nuit Belle-de-Nuit 5 years
Unfortunately, when dealing with such idiots, there's no room for grey areas or subtleties. He won't perceive your "neg-hit" as a clever role-reversal of gender behaviors, he'll just think you're a bitch. And frankly, if a guy can't take a joke, he's not worth your time to begin with.
sabrinaland sabrinaland 5 years
I should clarify that I would only do this to a guy if he was the one to initiate the negative talk.
sabrinaland sabrinaland 5 years
I've tried this and it doesn't work with guys. It will work for a couple of minutes, but fact of the matter is men have very sensitive egos and they will eventually walk away from you with their tail between their legs. At first when guys used to walk away from me with a hurt look, I thought it was a joke or a ploy. But no, they were genuinely hurt! I wasn't even being all that rough! Men do not like to have their awesomeness questioned.
pink-elephant pink-elephant 5 years
I think finding out if this trick will work on guys or not, depends on the guy. Just like it would also depend on the woman in the opposite scenario. Some men might feel secure enough in their self not to care or bother what you think of them and just blow you off as a jerk. Others might be more offended like you say and try to win apporval. However, any way you play it, I would think you'd have to be careful when playing this game,however, as it might have the potential to get out of hand or you really end up hurting someone.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
If you want to ask guys if they have highlights, go right ahead. I can't imagine it would hurt anything. They'll just be happy to get your attention. I'd be careful to not let it degenerate into insult, though, or even giving the guy a really hard time. Your average fella is used to being shot down and even laughed at just for trying to approach a woman. She happens to be in a bad mood, so she cuts him off at the knees. Because of past hurts, he is much more likely to take a woman's teasing at face value. A playful, light touch would be vital.And from what I understand, "neg hits" from pickup artists are generally meant to be funny and ballsy and are used to break the ice, not lower a woman's self esteem. Snottiness is so unexpected from a man that it CAN come across as funny. Usually doesn't, however.(I used to flirt a bit rough sometimes, and a couple times it backfired on me. One guy developed an intense dislike for me because he took my mock interrogation and jokes really personally. And I ended up having to see him again through work. Not the wisest thing I ever did.)
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
If you want to ask guys if they have highlights, go right ahead. I can't imagine it would hurt anything. They'll just be happy to get your attention. I'd be careful to not let it degenerate into insult, though, or even giving the guy a really hard time. Your average fella is used to being shot down and even laughed at just for trying to approach a woman. She happens to be in a bad mood, so she cuts him off at the knees. Because of past hurts, he is much more likely to take a woman's teasing at face value. A playful, light touch would be vital. And from what I understand, "neg hits" from pickup artists are generally meant to be funny and ballsy and are used to break the ice, not lower a woman's self esteem. Snottiness is so unexpected from a man that it CAN come across as funny. Usually doesn't, however. (I used to flirt a bit rough sometimes, and a couple times it backfired on me. One guy developed an intense dislike for me because he took my mock interrogation and jokes really personally. And I ended up having to see him again through work. Not the wisest thing I ever did.)
lexib1994 lexib1994 5 years
personally, i think everything is a mind game no matter if there is a real connection or not. and you are onto something here... you are right, the same strategy works on men too. when you approach a guy who has a super ego and you deny him, he will try to win you over because you are a chase. in most cases (not all) once you give in, he will lose interest. all in all, it's a rather interesting psychological mind game if you think about it hahah
nbnb nbnb 5 years
for once i agree with pax. i'm not sure what the point is. do you want to date a cocky guy who only talks to you because you give him a backhanded compliment? it seems like a distraction from finding men you actually click with and like. however, if you want to find a hot f**k buddy, then good luck with the experiment.
nbnb nbnb 5 years
for once i agree with pax. i'm not sure what the point is. do you want to date a cocky guy who only talks to you because you give him a backhanded compliment? it seems like a distraction from finding men you actually click with and like. however, if you want to find a hot f**k buddy, then good luck with the experiment.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
Too many mental games can keep you from getting a real connection. So, while such are fun, they are not always productive of what you want.Play carefully, and not meanly.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
Too many mental games can keep you from getting a real connection. So, while such are fun, they are not always productive of what you want. Play carefully, and not meanly.
mncheerbabe mncheerbabe 5 years
See http://www.sosuave.com/articles/neghits.htm for more info
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