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I've Got A Dirty Daddy

I've Got A Dirty Daddy

Dear Sugar
Here's a weird one: what are your thoughts on men and pornography? I recently found a dirty DVD of my father's and am very upset by it. I can't understand why a 60 year old man needs this type of thing. He is very conservative, clean cut, doesn't even drink. Please give me your thoughts on this topic as I struggle to come to terms with it. Skeeved Second Sibling

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Skeeved Second Sibling
As the song says "Everybody's A Dirty Rider." Men of all ages and types are stimulated visually and are into instant gratification. This is nothing more than a natural reaction to an animalistic instinct.

I think that you are just grossed out at the idea that you Dad is sexual. That's understandable, but if you separate yourself a little bit and try and see him as an actual man and not your Dad, then you would understand that he's just a guy, like anybody else who has sexual urges.

As you get older, you aren't nuetered. Wouldn't it male for a horrible and depressing outlook on life if we lost our sex drive as we got older?

The most commented on post ever was about porn. Click here to read what your fellow DEARSUGAR pals have to say on this topic.

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pinkangelmonkey pinkangelmonkey 9 years
wow lets not snap at e/o. people get a sense of empowerment from all types of things. if a woman feels like she enjoys it in one way or another than good for her, yet i feel that some of us may have been attacking the poster. she was brave enough to ask for help and get advice so we should help not hurt or embarass or even demean her. i think porn is normal for both females or males. its just dependant upon an individual's comfort level but you are lucky you just found porn. it could have been so much worse or more devastating than that. i like to call it adult movies that people like to watch, haha with their clothes off so they can compare to the other naked actors! hahaha just inserting a little humor!
yayita yayita 9 years
There are different porn categories, some are classier and less gross and demeaning than others. I for one can't even look at rough porn but I don't mind the soft type where it looks like real love making and not some violent F***ing. But what can we do if women lend themselves to doing all kinds of acts that truly demean and hurt them mentally and physically.
chickenhead chickenhead 9 years
i think women who find porn to be fun or rewarding have a misguided and warped sense of empowerment. they're misinterpreting the crux of the feminist movement.
chickenhead chickenhead 9 years
padraigin, i think porn is demeaning because, although women are voluntarily involved, they may not necessarily want to be. for instance, women in porn might be poor and seeking a way to support themselves. even if they aren't desperately in need of money, though, porn promotes and even encourages their seeking of unhealthy male attention. men who watch porn, then, are receiving a warped perception of how women should and/or want to be treated: as eye candy alone. porn emcourages women to objectify themselves and encourages men to treat women as objects.
MissSixty1 MissSixty1 9 years
awww its normal dont worry.
nycchica nycchica 9 years
Yikes. I'm the poster. I am trying to get over it, that's why I wrote in. I'm 28 years old and the sexuality doesn't really bother me--it's more the fact that it's dirtier than i expect most porn is and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I have always thought it is degrading to women. I wanted to know if all men are into this--for some reason that is comforting. I respect and love my father and am trying to get past my initial response and shock. Thanks to all for commenting (and to DearSugar for responding), it is really helpful to get other peoples' opinions.
Britgirl85 Britgirl85 9 years
come on, its more likely ever male you have come in contact with has seen some kinda porn in there time.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 9 years
I agree with pop, good advice8
Padraigin Padraigin 9 years
How is something "demeaning to women" when in most cases (mainstream porn) women are voluntarily involved in the making of said porn?
chickenhead chickenhead 9 years
I disagree with the idea that porn is "normal" for men to look at. It's demeaning to women and encourages lewdness. Skeeved Second Sibling, I'm sorry about your discovery...but I too would be mortified if my dad had one of those. I too find "dirty DVDs" both perverted and appalling.
Britgirl85 Britgirl85 9 years
Tis true most people do it... and id just like to say to defend the guys its not just the guys i know some girls who like a peek too!
Padraigin Padraigin 9 years
Jen76, thanks a lot. Now I have to think about my mother and father having sex again when I just got over walking in on them when I was 11. People are sexual beings. Even conservatives. It's just something we have to accept and move on with the knowledge of. And I ended a sentence with a preposition. Mrs. Bartscher would kill me if she saw that.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
hey, don't be so harsh on the poster! i think we would all, at some point, been surprised by the fact that all men look at porn. it's an odd thing to realize your parents are sexual beings; try not to think about it.
DeaconP DeaconP 9 years
i'm not sure how old you are (although since your father is 60 - i assume you arent THAT young) - but porn is not just for dirty, old men. you may think its gross - since it is your own dad, but it could be much worse. by the way - if it was some sort of weird, freaky fetish porn - i can understand why you think its gross. either way - live and let live.
caligirl1201 caligirl1201 9 years
Well congratulations, your father is a healthy male. My god at least he is a good father and attempted to hide it from you. I don't know one guy who doesn't own pornography and I'm sure my dad and brothers do they just hide it and don't talk about it in our presence. This post is hilarious, the person says the father is conservative, Mr. Conservative Bill O' Reilly got charged for leaving lewd messages on a co-workers answering machines and suggesting that she use a vibrator and he made references to porn. Be glad your father hasn't taken it that far. I say get over it and love your dad for who he is. Also medically speaking men over 40 can become impotent and alot of doctors would suggest pornography to up their sex drive.
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
Get over it! For cripes sake, your father is an adult. Would you also be upset if you found out he has sex with your mother? Being conservative and being a sexual being are not mutually exclusive.
angelbaby angelbaby 9 years
good point ep-they like to look but think of it as a fantasy type of thing
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 9 years
get over it. he clearly isn't addicted and separates it from his life.
angelbaby angelbaby 9 years
i have found out that a lot of men that you never would think of using porn do-i don't like to say it because it sounds so sexist-sometimes it is just something that they do
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