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Keeping It In The Family Was A Bad Idea After All

Dear Sugar
I have been secretly dating my brother's best friend against his wishes for the past three weeks. He is four years older than me and my brother is very over protective of me and my daughter. As it turns out, my brother's friend has always been interested in me, but never pursued a relationship with me out of respect for my brother.

About a month ago we reconnected and we just couldn't ignore the power of our physical attraction for each other anymore. He has been staying over in the evenings at my home and has been: cooking for me, pampering me, reading my daughter bedtime stories and handling so many little details of my life. Honestly, he's everything that any woman could only dream of.

He is pursuing me at warp speed and while I really like him, I am just not ready to be in a relationship. How can I end it so I don't destroy my brother's friendship with him? This guy is someone who will always be in my life and I really don't want to hurt him. Help. Sneaky Sarah

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Sneaky Sarah
It sounds as if you should have taken your brother's advice after all. If things are moving too fast for your taste, the best thing to do is talk to this guy about your new found relationship. Honesty is always the best policy and the sooner you talk to him about how you are feeling, the better.

In order to avoid any hurt feelings, be as truthful as you can. Try saying something like this:

"I have been having such an amazing time with you lately. I think you are wonderful, and your pampering and attention to detail are incredible, however, I need to be honest with you about my feelings. I am not ready to be in a serious and committed relationship right now and feel like I would not be fair to you if we continued to spend time together as an exclusive, romantic couple."

Hopefully he will appreciate you being straightforward with him and I think this will be the only way to salvage your friendship. Also, there is no need to lie to your brother about this. Please talk to him ASAP about what's going on...c'mon, he's your bother. Give him a little credit. Also, he will be more upset if the rumor mill gets to him before you do.

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pink-sugar pink-sugar 9 years
Having done the protective single mother dating juggle in my mid-20's, I am totally with Jinx on this....mildly confused and wondering why she allowed him into her child's life before she was sure that he was going to be long-term? Tsk. Tsk. Not to mention, putting her brother's friendship in jeopardy when he finds out (...Oh and he will!) Why would she pursue a relationship when her brother had already laid out the boundary? Was it because it was something she was told she could not have and it peaked curious interests? Only to find out that the grass was not that gloriously green as she thought on the other side of the fence? Time to re-align and focus on being a mother first. Life becomes so much clearer when there is clarity!
BlondeSugar BlondeSugar 9 years
You are fooling yourself if you think you really like this guy. If you really did, you wouldn't let him go and be in a relationship.
Jinx Jinx 9 years
I don't get this. He's everything she likes, she has been dating him, but she just doesn't want to be with someone right now? She's already messed up in my opinion. If she was attracted to him but she just wanted fun, she could have met him for dates, or sex or whatever. But she shouldn't have let him cook, stay over and connect with her daughter. Especially in the first three weeks, only to decide that No, she doesn't want him around afterall. Seems she jumped into warp speed too, and now is forced to put the brakes on, for whatever reason. ~Procrastinate Now! Don't Put It Off~ (Ellen)
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