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Lack of Motivation After Quitting Pot

Group Therapy: He Quit Pot and Changed — For the Worse

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I knew from the beginning that he smoked pot, I wasn't 100% with it growing up and I experimented so I couldn't judge. Things got more serious and we moved in together. Everything was great. He always hinted that he wanted to give up smoking pot as most of his friends had. So I asked if he would give it up as talk of marriage and kids and buying a house was in nearly every conversation.

He is off it nearly 3 months now and hasn't looked back. But he has completely changed for the worse. He is withdrawn, sits in every weekend, nothing can motivate him, mood swings to beat the band, and piled on the weight & sex has gone out the window, he ain't the same man that I met. His friends have even seen the change. I knew that coming off it could cause some effects. I really love him and prepared to fight for him but I'm at a loose end. I tried to talk to him and I might as well talk to the wall cause he just sits there and looks at me. I'm hoping that someone might have had a similar situation cause I don't know what to do next.

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been-there-done-that been-there-done-that 5 years
there is resentment there. when someone withdrawls it is due to fear. he may be very afraid due to some past things. think very hard of what he has been telling you that you are not hearing because you are pushing for him to open up and be happy. back off if you love him. let him know you are his best friend and not the enemy and that if he is harboring resentment (from having to stop pot to grow up or something) then you are willing to be understanding and give him whatever it is he needs to feel safe with you. talking about feelings is the key to a good relationship. he also was self medicating for his guilts, fears, insecurities, angers, self hate and hate for others and any other negative emotion you can think of with pot and that is something he has to talk about with a professional to allow love into his heart and self love for himself. you cant MAKE him have that. you can be understanding and not push him into emotions of love and happiness he may not be ready for and as far as the marriage and kids - stear clear big time on that talk for right now- its far too much for this guy yet! he is just now experiencing emotions again and dealing the best he can with them. he cant cope that is why he smoked pot... talk to him! have him know you are his friend and will wait for him to come to you.
PinkSkullys PinkSkullys 5 years
my boyfriend is just like that!!! same exact thing happened. i hated his grumpy unmotivated states the most, so i started initiating everything. i told him that we were going fishing in 20mins so he better get up, and for sex i would be spontanious and talk dirty and do new things. i quit talking about marriage and kids, cause he didnt need the added stress.... but now were doing great and he seems so much happier, since i became a new in charge woman he became himself again, if not a better version. its all about letting him see how much fun your having. all he needs is a little push. things will eventually fall in place.
soulsearcher83 soulsearcher83 6 years
He was self medicating with the pot. He has a mood disorder, likely depression. He needs to see a therapist/psychiatrist and get treatment.
LikeThoseShoes LikeThoseShoes 6 years
weffie: thanks, it feels great not to smoke... i will probably not ever go back.
Pamelaine Pamelaine 6 years
I don't know, I'd say that if he has been able to successfully quit for 3 months, rehab may not be the appropriate level of care. Those tend to be more intensive and focused on detox. But I do believe that some type of outpatient treatment group would definitely be beneficial for him.
nyxmoxie nyxmoxie 6 years
hmm that's weird, I used to smoke pot with a friend but it was a once in a while thing, I never got hooked to it, my friend on the other hand smoke it all the time, and he could hardly go long without it, I suggest that your SO goes to rehab
Pamelaine Pamelaine 6 years
There is a condition called Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS), where people experience withdrawal symptoms such as depression, memory loss, and more for up to a year after quitting drugs. I don't know how chemically dependent he was on marijuana, but from my experience working in a recovery center, many people do feel depressed for months after because their brain has stopped naturally producing dopamine. I would recommend that he start attending an outpatient aftercare group in a treatment center in order to get additional support in his recovery, and see how his behavior is in a few months. Here is some additional information: http://digital-dharma.net/addiction/post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome-why-we-dont-get-better-immediately/
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
Like others have already stated, it sounds as if he's suffering from depression. He may have smoked the weed to deal with his depression and "check out". Now that he's off the weed, he isn't checking out from his feelings of depression. That is, I don't think the depression is from quitting smoking, but I think the smoking was because of the depression.You have to decide if you're willing to be there for him while he deals with depression and dependency issues. If he is ready to seek professional help, this would obviously be the best route for him. Good luck and best wishes :)
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
Like others have already stated, it sounds as if he's suffering from depression. He may have smoked the weed to deal with his depression and "check out". Now that he's off the weed, he isn't checking out from his feelings of depression. That is, I don't think the depression is from quitting smoking, but I think the smoking was because of the depression. You have to decide if you're willing to be there for him while he deals with depression and dependency issues. If he is ready to seek professional help, this would obviously be the best route for him. Good luck and best wishes :)
weffie weffie 6 years
LikeThoseShoes: That's great that you've been so successful, but your experience is not necessarily typical. You can't compare yourself to someone with depression, it's kind of like saying that an arthritis sufferer should be able to run a 6-minute mile because it's easy for you.
RAInsight RAInsight 6 years
...some do go through that if they think there is nothing left in life but keeping up with the Jones's... If his love for you, and now your creating a time-line for your lives, asking him to do this and that... if all of that has over come his "will" his drive (which may not have been as strong as you think to begin with) then yeah its possible...and maybe pot was always his release/ his cope- to handle the real feelings he's always had even before meeting you... and hell yes its depression... situational or clinical, he would need professionals to decide that.
LikeThoseShoes LikeThoseShoes 6 years
** just wanted to say that yes people do respond differently but never once has anyone ive known that has quit has gone through anything like this
LikeThoseShoes LikeThoseShoes 6 years
I can totally and honestly say this has nothing to do with him giving up weed. I personally have just stopped smoking weed after being a complete pothead for the last 6 years. smoking like a fire. I have just stopped about 2 months ago and am actually doing extremely well. never once while i WAS smoking did i feel as if it was something that was addictive. I think this is more a matter of him realizing that this is him growing up... which i lets face it... IS depressing. I agree with all above posters that suggest therapy. Marriage and Kids are a HUGE step. Get ready to deal with his issues with this because it sounds like he's having some anxiety about it.
weffie weffie 6 years
I agree it sounds like he's suffering from depression, but I disagree that it has nothing to do with weed... Pot can be an effective antidepressant and when you've been self-medicating with it since adolescence it really affects you to suddenly go without... It's like abruptly going off Prozac or Zoloft.I went through the same thing when I stopped smoking, and I've since started again because I prefer pot to a chemical alternative. If he really doesn't want it to be part of his life any more, he has to develop other ways to cope. This could take a fair bit of time and counseling, particularly if he's been using it as a crutch since he was still maturing emotionally, because as a teenager it replaces the need to deal with things properly so people like us have a hard time processing feelings when we're totally sober.The fact that he was motivated to quit on his own is encouraging tho, making that decision is one of the hardest steps of kicking any habit. He may be embarrassed or feel weak, so it could be hard to talk to you, someone he wants to be proud of him. Lots of men feel more comfortable discussing feelings with a stranger since they have no need to impress them, hopefully you can encourage him to get the help he needs. Good luck <3
weffie weffie 6 years
I agree it sounds like he's suffering from depression, but I disagree that it has nothing to do with weed... Pot can be an effective antidepressant and when you've been self-medicating with it since adolescence it really affects you to suddenly go without... It's like abruptly going off Prozac or Zoloft. I went through the same thing when I stopped smoking, and I've since started again because I prefer pot to a chemical alternative. If he really doesn't want it to be part of his life any more, he has to develop other ways to cope. This could take a fair bit of time and counseling, particularly if he's been using it as a crutch since he was still maturing emotionally, because as a teenager it replaces the need to deal with things properly so people like us have a hard time processing feelings when we're totally sober. The fact that he was motivated to quit on his own is encouraging tho, making that decision is one of the hardest steps of kicking any habit. He may be embarrassed or feel weak, so it could be hard to talk to you, someone he wants to be proud of him. Lots of men feel more comfortable discussing feelings with a stranger since they have no need to impress them, hopefully you can encourage him to get the help he needs. Good luck <3
kismekate kismekate 6 years
Yah, those are usually the symptoms of when people begin to start smoking weed. Seems like the weed and his mood is unrelated.
mix-tape mix-tape 6 years
He is depressed and it has nothing to do with weed unless he is just upset that you made him quit before he wanted to.
liquidrops liquidrops 6 years
It's surelly a depression and if he's not open to counseling or just opening to you, you could convince him to do some sports or different activities,new chalenges that could revigorate him...and sexualy if hes not intrested because of depression you don't have to push things it's making worse u just have to change your usual behaviour,were sexy lengerie without reason or sleep without it making him come to you,it's better because in these situations people are very sensitive about...everything
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 6 years
OP,He is suffering from depression. Are you ready to help him deal with that?
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 6 years
OP, He is suffering from depression. Are you ready to help him deal with that?
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 6 years
Speaking from experience, when you stop smoking pot you don't go through months of withdrawal; a day or two or grumpiness can be expected but nothing as serious as what he's going through.Maybe he's worried about marriage/kids/adult life. He sounds like he may be suffering form depression, do you think he would be open to some counseling? Either way I don't think the pot is to blame.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 6 years
Speaking from experience, when you stop smoking pot you don't go through months of withdrawal; a day or two or grumpiness can be expected but nothing as serious as what he's going through. Maybe he's worried about marriage/kids/adult life. He sounds like he may be suffering form depression, do you think he would be open to some counseling? Either way I don't think the pot is to blame.
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