I love my boyfriend, but I am worried because I keep catching him in small, yet irritating lies. When we first started dating, he told me that he was a virgin, but every once in a while, he'd make comments about how great sex is. It just seemed to me that he had done it before, but I of course wasn't about to accuse him of anything.
Then, about three months into our relationship I asked him again about being a virgin, and again he said he was. On Valentine's Day, he asked me whether or not I would be upset if he had already had sex. I said "yes" simply because that meant that he had been lying to me for all of this time.
Right then and there he confessed, to having three different partners. I was upset about the lies, but I forgave him and never mentioned it again. Two weeks later he told me that in fact his number was more like eight and not three. Why lie and say you are a virgin if you have been with eight different women?
Another problem I have is that he continually makes little promises to me such as calling or coming over, but when the time comes for him to follow through, he more often than not lets me down. He also always goes out with his friends and parties into the wee hours of the morning. Am I am being too demanding or do I have a right to be upset with him? Seething Sara
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Dear Seething Sara
I think he sounds too immature for a serious relationship. Having said this, I do believe that he might love you, but it doesn't appear that he is ready to make the kind of sacrifices that people make when they have to think of someone else other than themselves.
These kinds of guys don't change. Some of them grow up, but most don't. I think you are on different paths and breaking up may be your best bet. Here are a few reasons why:
- He should not be lying to you if he has any respect for you.
- He shouldn't let you down when he promises to call and do nice things for you.
- He shouldn't be going out all of the time without you. Of course everyone needs time with their friends, but not all of the time, and not into the wee hours of the morning on a regular basis.
He has grown accustomed to lying to you and to letting you down and he won't stop because you are allowing it. How much longer are you going to let this behavior go on? You are already seething, so what's it going to take. Lose him!