Help! About 2 years ago, I re-met a guy I knew while I was in high school. He had just recently divorced and I was fresh out of an emotionally
abusive relationship. We struck up a friend/relationship, but it didn't
last long because neither one of us was ready. We remained friends. About
8 months ago, I realized that I do still really care for him and want to
be with him. And I spilled my guts to him. He said he wanted to give it a
try and then backed out. I was devastated and told him to cut off all
contact with me. Well, I recently ran into him again and it was just like
old times. After all this time, I still can't shake my feelings for him. I
know through a mutual friend he is single. What do I do? I don't want to be
in this place again, but I can't help it. I know I will probably wind up
hurt again, but is the risk worth the possible reward? I feel so pathetic! Torch Carrying Christie
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Dear Torch Carrying Christie
Pathetic ain't sexy, and if that is how you feel, he can feel it too. You may have freaked him out when you spilled the beans, maybe he is commitment phobic, who knows, but you can’t control him. So all you can do is take control of yourself. You wanted to cut off all contact, now you want to have a romantic relationship with him again? Slow down.
So what does this mean for you and Mr. High School? You called off the friendship, so you can put it back on. See if you can do non-romantic things with him, preferably with other people too. In other words, get your friendship back first. In the meantime, so you don’t feel pathetic, try and get out there and get on some dates with men other than him.
If you’re kinda lucky you’ll have a good friend. If you're lucky you’ll have a good friend and a new boyfriend. If you’re really lucky he’ll see the confident you and realize he wants to be with you and you’ll have the luxury of deciding what you want!
But one thing you should be proud of is that you told him how you felt. It may not have turned out well, but at least you went for what you wanted. That ain't pathetic!