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In Law Rivalry

Dear Sugar
I just got married and both my family and my husband's family want us to spend holidays with them. There is a 3 hour distance between their houses, so it's not like we can go back and forth. We are trying to be fair by splitting holidays up evenly, but I am surprised by their lack of understanding. They are laying the guilt on really heavy by saying we aren't being respectful and keeping tradition. When my husband and I have children, we are going to want to start traditions of our own as well. Are they ever going to let go of us? Surprised Sarah

Dear Surprised Sarah
What about suggesting that your families blend for the holidays and celebrate together? Even though I am sure they would feel like they are giving up some of their own traditions, you could opt for an early meal so that each one could leave at a reasonable hour. If that's too much driving, you could offer to host. This way whoever wants to come will come and if no one shows then you and your husband are free to observe anyway you like. When you invite them, ask them if there is anything they want to share that will make this holiday feel more traditional for them. Perhaps they want to pass along a certain recipe, prayer or wine? I am sure they would be honored if you requested their special dish too.

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