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Letting Boyfriend Rate You

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Only Rates Me as an 8

This question is an excerpt from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

We were having an extremely superficial conversation, I'm a little ashamed to say. We happened to be talking about a friend of ours having never been with a girl either of us found to be very attractive.

I remembered one past girlfriend of his, and then I said, "No, wait, so-and-so, she was a 10. What a betty. Never mind." He followed that with, "no, she was more like a 6 or 7." I wondered out loud, "Dang, if you thought she was a 6 or 7, what do you think I am?" He said, "Oh! You're like an 8!"

I'm so hurt. I hate to admit it but I've been crying. We've talked about it and he is really sorry, and there is a lot of love here. But I am having a ton of trouble getting over it. I feel like he should think as much of me as I think of him. I'm worried he's settling if he doesn't think I'm that attractive. And maybe it's my perspective, but if you compare it to a grade an 8 is a B-. On my looks.

I've told him how I feel and he's apologized profusely. I know it's mostly vanity, but I can't help how upset I am. Any advice? I'm am prepared to hear "stop whining."

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Source: Flickr User kiddharma

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trinitycc trinitycc 5 years
Ditto to # 32, Asia84. The guys I choose are full of personality, I fall for the inner person not the outer appearance. Like I told one friend who is losing his hair, "You are so much more than your hair", i.e. Bruce Willis, Michael Jordan. So your personality is what is more important, looks can go over time or in a second.
daniland daniland 5 years
I dont think you should be hurt at all, an 8 seems attractive to me. Its an honest answer that even if he tries to take it back, its probably true.
Jake2010 Jake2010 5 years
I think Juicebox07 summed it perfectly.... I am who I am... 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, or 10.... if you're my girl and I'm your guy... and we're crazy in love & lust with each other.... then that's all that matters...
Jake2010 Jake2010 5 years
I think Juicebox07 summed it perfectly.... I am who I am... 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, or 10.... if you're my girl and I'm your guy... and we're crazy in love & lust with each other.... then that's all that matters...
Padawan-Pri Padawan-Pri 5 years
you're whining too much - no one is a 10.
Burkina Burkina 5 years
A girl you think is a 10 he says is a 6. He thinks you're an 8 so that makes you more beautiful than the other chick. Honestly I think you need to stop whining. Would you cry this much if he said you were an 8 on the kindness scale? Think about it.
Burkina Burkina 5 years
A girl you think is a 10 he says is a 6. He thinks you're an 8 so that makes you more beautiful than the other chick.Honestly I think you need to stop whining. Would you cry this much if he said you were an 8 on the kindness scale? Think about it.
Asia84 Asia84 5 years
This is hilarious! I'm with Joe. You shouldn't have been sitting up there talk crap about other chicks your friends dated. Now you feel milky. I would NEVER ask my guy to rate me on some scale? I would never tell him where he is on a scale. Beauty is so subjective. You can like someone who isn't all that but their personality makes them look like a 10 in their eyes. I think you need to focus more on having a better personality (your BF too) than on what people look like. THAT makes you ugly.
Asia84 Asia84 5 years
This is hilarious!I'm with Joe.You shouldn't have been sitting up there talk crap about other chicks your friends dated. Now you feel milky.I would NEVER ask my guy to rate me on some scale? I would never tell him where he is on a scale. Beauty is so subjective. You can like someone who isn't all that but their personality makes them look like a 10 in their eyes.I think you need to focus more on having a better personality (your BF too) than on what people look like. THAT makes you ugly.
Choco-cat Choco-cat 5 years
he just thinks of the numbers differently than you. think of it this way, you thought that ex was a 10 and he said a 6 to 7 but called you an 8 - so that'd make you at least an 11!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 5 years
A confident woman never has to ask.
irishmary24 irishmary24 5 years
It was the equivalent of '' Does this outfit make my butt look big?'' There's no good answer to it! I understand the insecurity of not being thought of as the best looking. I'll bet there are more things he likes about you than looks. Forget about this one and give him a pass! It will be one more thing to love about you!
imLissy imLissy 5 years
I agree with jadenirvana. We should all have these kinds of problems.
jadenirvana jadenirvana 5 years
This is one of those dangerous "If you had to sleep with my one of my friends at gunpoint, which one would it be?' type conversations that need to never happen. Chalk it up to silliness, and move on! If this is the biggest problem you're having in your relationship, you're in good shape!
petitbijoux petitbijoux 5 years
I think the problem is that guys "rate" girls in the first place. When women are in love they don't usually focus on other guys looks and comparing them to other people that way. We know there are guys hotter than you we just don't care anymore. And if we do rate our guys we are usually looking at the whole picture not just looks.Our guys may not be the worlds "10" but he's our "10" and we want him to feel the same way about us so when we hear an 8 it hurts. But maybe they don't care about it as much as we think they do. That being said people need to get over rating other people that way anyways. Its kinda lame.
searching-soul searching-soul 5 years
Look at the celebrity ratings on this site. All of the hot girls are rated 8 or 9 like, Kim K. Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Heidi Klum, Megan fox and sp forth. There aren't too many 10's walking around in real life. 8 is a very good score. You remind me of this episode on the show Girlfriends where Tracy Ross kept hounding her bf to rate her looks. At first he gave her a 10. She knew she was'nt a perfect 10 so she kept bothering him and finally he caved in and gave her a five and then added insult to injury by adding an extra half point for her perky butt. She was so angry and hostile over this number he gave her she almost ruined her relationship with this guy that loved her. Sweetie you need to humble yourself a little before you push your boyfriend away. 8 is a really good number and you should'nt be thinking of yourself as a number anyway. I think you might need to work on your self esteem
snarkypants snarkypants 5 years
you asked him. deal with it.
snarkypants snarkypants 5 years
you asked him. deal with it.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
Kay, Everyone has insecurities. We have the right to expect a certain amount of emotional support from our partners regarding our insecurities. (That's why we have partners, isn't it?) I believe it is crucial for couples to sit down and openly and honestly discuss each other's insecurities and how partners can provide emotional support as each person wrestles with his or her insecurities. (Unfortunately, many couples refuse to do this -- just like the OP -- and they end up with damaged relationships as a result.)
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
Kay, Everyone has insecurities. We have the right to expect a certain amount of emotional support from our partners regarding our insecurities. (That's why we have partners, isn't it?) I believe it is crucial for couples to sit down and openly and honestly discuss each other's insecurities and how partners can provide emotional support as each person wrestles with his or her insecurities. (Unfortunately, many couples refuse to do this -- just like the OP -- and they end up with damaged relationships as a result.)
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