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Liars Never Prosper

Dear Sugar
My best friend and I hang out all the time. Many people say we are attached at the hip and refer to us as the dynamic duo. Neither one of us have ever had a serious boyfriend and always stick our noses up at the girls we know who ditch their friends the second they meet a guy.

Last month, my friend met someone that she liked when we were at a party. He seems cool, and they have been hanging out since that night. Although I don't see my friend as much as I used to, I am so happy she met someone. We have a standing date every Tuesday and Thursday which, no matter what, we keep.

Last week she canceled both days saying she wasn't feeling well, which is totally understandable, but she canceled this week as well. I heard from a mutual friend that she wasn't sick at all and she had been hanging out with her new guy every night. Not only does it hurt my feelings that she chose him over me, but that she lied about it.

I've always had a sore spot for liars and I am not sure what to do because I am just furious with her. If she wants to be with him, then why can't she just be straight with me about it? I shouldn't have to feel hurt by my best friend because she has a boyfriend. Am I being irrational? Jealous Jessamine

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Jealous Jessamine
I can understand why you are upset, it is never fun to be lied too. Have you confronted your friend? Are you sure your source is reliable or is she trying to create drama? Some girls do a disappearing act when they meet a new guy even though they say they never would.

Take a deep breath and talk to your friend in a nonthreatening manor. People hate being caught in a lie so be prepared for her to be defensive. Tell her how happy you are she has met someone, but you are hurt and upset that she lied to you in order to spend more time with him.

Try suggesting that all three of you should hang out so you can get to know him better and hopefully she won't have to feel like she has to choose between the two of you. After the honeymoon phase wears off, she will be banging your door down for some much needed girl time.

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Join The Conversation
karmapunch karmapunch 9 years
I totally agree with tifygodess24! I've been in a similar situation.... I told my best friend I liked this guy, and it was great because we found out that she used to go to school with him. So she started talking to him and "tried" to include me... YEAH RIGHT! Basically, she started liking him and while I was totally unaware she went out with him on multiple dates and dated him for a whole month. When I asked why she didn't want to hang out with me, she told me she was really busy and tired. Then, he broke up with her and of course the first person she comes crying to is me. I was totally upset to find out she'd dated him for a whole month without telling me. I wouldn't have gotten upset if she told me she liked him, and was honest about how they were talking... Because I would have understood. Anyways, what I mean to say is that I feel your pain, and I think that like tify said, it's really NOT okay to ever ditch your friend for a guy, even if it is the "honeymoon" phase. friends are forever and no guy is worth spoiling a friendship. If she can't seem to even make the time for one or two days out of the week for you, then that just shows a lot about her character. I'd have an honest heart-to-heart with her and tell her exactly how you feel. Hope it works out for you.
tifygodess24 tifygodess24 9 years
Women should never blow off there friends, even if they are in the honeymoon phase, whos the first person anyone usually calls when their boyfriend or husband is a jerk? - their best friend . Never burn a bridge- plus how sad is that you cant give up 1 or 2 days a week to hang out with your best friend? Yeah I understand how great it is when you first start dating someone but guys get tired of clinging women after a while. And it is annoying because girls blow off there friends but guys usually dont. You should say something because if she really is your best friend she should no better then to lie.
a-nonny-mouse a-nonny-mouse 9 years
It's not cool to lie, ever. I can understand why you're mad, but I'd try to let it go (if possible). Just talk to your buddy -- she's your best gal; it'd be awful to let the friendship sour over something so slight as this. Let her know that you support her in this new romantic commitment and that you don't feel slighted. Extend an invitation to her that will allow her to spend a little less time with you and a bit more time with the boyfriend *without* feeling guilt or embarrassment. (Would you consider getting together only once a week? Or even every-other week, with normal phone time during the interim?) She will love you for it. Your friendship may grow stronger and better. Friendships evolve. Let her have her time with her new man, but create an environment that persuades her NOT to lie to you. Give her an easy out for these few little white lies. (Are you CERTAIN that she was being untruthful? One more reason why you shouldn't accuse her of lying -- maybe she was really sick. Nonetheless, allow her to have more time with her new Beau even if she was telling the truth.) Give her a bit more space; be a good friend. Hopefully it will all work out alright.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
First of all why are you relying on information from a third party? Why don't you just ask her about it instead of acting like you are in junior high. Sugar is right they are in the honeymoon period so give them some time to get to know eachother. I can kind of understand why she would lie about being sick especially since you stick your noses up at woman that ditch their friends to be with their boyfriends. Who wants to listen to the heap of guilt you would probably lay on her for choosing to hang out with him. Get out, get your own life, and maybe you will meet someone special!
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