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Long Distance Boyfriend Won't Let Me Visit

"My Long-Distance Boyfriend Doesn't Want Me to Visit"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I live in Portugal, he lives in Belgium. We first met seven years ago while he was in Portugal for work for a couple of weeks. We dated innocently a few times until I saw his wedding ring. He said that he was unhappy in his marriage and thinking of separating, that he really liked me but I didn't want any kind of contact anymore. Last year he found me on Facebook. He had been divorced for four years and in a few months he convinced me to have a long distance relationship. He visited me twice last year and everything was great all year long, we spoke a lot over the phone, chatted, had video calls. At the beginning of this year he started a new job and very soon our relationship changed completely.

Keep reading for the rest of this dilemma.

He is very much career oriented so I thought he was doing the right thing. There was one weekend in January when he told me he was visiting his parents but for the first time I didn't believe him. He had visited his parents several times before and his behavior was never like that, so I had this doubt and got upset but didn't tell him, just asked him for a communication break longer than usual. We sometimes had a few days even a week communication break and we were fine with that. It also happened that one of us interrupted the communication break and that wasn't a problem either. This time I suggested a month but five days later I was missing him too much and I contacted him. He responded but the following two months were very difficult for me. He just wasn't the same nice caring guy I knew last year. I suffered and had many doubts that maybe he was meeting someone new at work but made the effort to be strong and project a different image and I mainly maintained our relationship on my own. Little by little he was coming back and at the end of March we had a conversation when I told him that I was suffering and I needed more of him. We also spoke about that strange weekend from January, he assured him that he visited his parents, it still doesn't seem totally right to me but I don't want to pay attention to that anymore. He said that the reason of his behavior in the last two months was due to the communication break that I asked for and then decided on my own to interrupt it. But this had never been an issue before! He also said that he would do anything to win my trust back and since then has been behaving quite wonderfully.

My biggest doubt in this relationship comes from the fact that I haven't visited him yet. Last year I wasn't working but doing a course so I had little money and couldn't have the initiative. We met twice when he visited me and I thought that was fine for the seven months we considered each other in a relationship. We didn't make any future plans but we were often talking about fun things that we would do together in Portugal or Belgium, places that he would like to show me, etc. He was even aware of and mentioned several times the necessity of planning a future encounter in our relationship as an event that we should both look forward. Unfortunately we don’t discuss it anymore even if my economic circumstances are better now. He works very much and there has been this awkward distance between us for two months this year. I delicately mentioned a couple of times his next visit to Portugal, I assume it's going to be in summer but I haven't really received a reply and he didn't engage in the conversation as he used to. I once mentioned how nice it would be to spend a weekend with him in Belgium but he was very evasive about the subject. My question is why is he doing this?

This also generates other kind of problems, every now and then I feel insecure and get jealous over his Facebook contacts because Facebook becomes my only window to his social life. He has many female friends on Facebook that like his posts and comment sometime, nothing flirty, at least not openly. We write to each other private emails and texts daily so I don't think that his Facebook activity would bother me if I felt that he was willing to make me part of his life a little bit more. I don't want to have to ask him to invite me to spend a weekend in Belgium because I think that he should suggest it.

I understand the limits and the difficulties of a long distance relationship and I don't consider myself a demanding person, I am willing to meet halfway and support even more when the circumstances require so but I am beginning to feel ignored and rejected in some way.

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