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Long-Distance Dating Advice

Group Therapy: Am I Headed For Heartbreak?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I recently started dating this guy. He is great, absolutely fantastic. He makes me laugh, and he is so incredibly easy to talk to. It's been so easy since the first day I met him, and he just makes me so happy. Problem is, he is moving away in less than 2 months — permanently. What do I do? I can't help but let my guard down when I'm with him, but the more I let my guard down the more attached I get. I just see myself headed for a broken heart, and I don't know if there is anything I can do to stop it or protect myself. What would you do in this situation? I just don't know anymore.

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karlotta karlotta 4 years
I don't know why you say it has to end. I met my boyfriend when we lived 5000 miles apart, and we made that work for a year and a half before finally moving in together. Love survives distance.
bethinabox bethinabox 4 years
I just dealt with something kind of like this... I've known this guy for about 9 months, liked him for 8 of those, even through another relationship (for both of us, he had a girlfriend I had a boyfriend... bad, yes...) but we just couldn't stay away from each other. We finally both ended up being single in February so we started seeing each other for real... Then he got a job on the other side of the state. :/ Even though I knew he'd be leaving nearly a month before he actually left, I didn't back off, I kept seeing him because I liked him so much. I still do like him. We have seen each other I think 3 times since he left? He lives almost 2 hours away, so long distance would probably be doable, though difficult, but his relationship that he had while we liked each other was long distance, and that obviously ended badly so he doesn't want to do it again. Honestly I have considered moving closer to him. It wouldn't be JUST for him. I'm from that end of the state, out here for school, and I'm graduating next month. My dad lives out there, maybe 45 minutes from where my boy lives. I could, in theory, move out there and be with him. it's just all the logistics. I have a job here with people that I adore, good roommates and friends... and the idea of moving again, by myself this time, is terrifying. But I know he's thought about it, too. He's told me more than once of job openings for my same position closer to him. But I don't think I can do it just yet.SORRY for ranting about *my* life for so long, but basically, I just want you to know, I FEEL YOU. It's rough. And I can't really tell you what to do, because I can't make up my own mind. Just know that I know how much it sucks. I miss this guy every day. But, hopefully, it will get better. *hugs*
bethinabox bethinabox 4 years
I just dealt with something kind of like this... I've known this guy for about 9 months, liked him for 8 of those, even through another relationship (for both of us, he had a girlfriend I had a boyfriend... bad, yes...) but we just couldn't stay away from each other. We finally both ended up being single in February so we started seeing each other for real... Then he got a job on the other side of the state. :/ Even though I knew he'd be leaving nearly a month before he actually left, I didn't back off, I kept seeing him because I liked him so much. I still do like him. We have seen each other I think 3 times since he left? He lives almost 2 hours away, so long distance would probably be doable, though difficult, but his relationship that he had while we liked each other was long distance, and that obviously ended badly so he doesn't want to do it again. Honestly I have considered moving closer to him. It wouldn't be JUST for him. I'm from that end of the state, out here for school, and I'm graduating next month. My dad lives out there, maybe 45 minutes from where my boy lives. I could, in theory, move out there and be with him. it's just all the logistics. I have a job here with people that I adore, good roommates and friends... and the idea of moving again, by myself this time, is terrifying. But I know he's thought about it, too. He's told me more than once of job openings for my same position closer to him. But I don't think I can do it just yet. SORRY for ranting about *my* life for so long, but basically, I just want you to know, I FEEL YOU. It's rough. And I can't really tell you what to do, because I can't make up my own mind. Just know that I know how much it sucks. I miss this guy every day. But, hopefully, it will get better. *hugs*
searching-soul searching-soul 4 years
You know at first I was going to say don't do the long distance thing,that's it's too hard. Then I remembered a couple of years ago my Mom did the long distance thing with her fiance for more than a year and now they are married and she moved to Colorado to live with him. There is hope if you two really care for one another and are committed to being in contact, calling each other every evening to check in and see how your day went and visiting each other when you can afford it. If you can commit to these things there is a chance. It involves a lot of trust too, because this person is not around you on a regular basis. If you think you can trust him and he feels the same way talk to him. It might work but know it's going to take a lot of effort. Anything worth having usually does.
searching-soul searching-soul 4 years
You know at first I was going to say don't do the long distance thing,that's it's too hard. Then I remembered a couple of years ago my Mom did the long distance thing with her fiance for more than a year and now they are married and she moved to Colorado to live with him. There is hope if you two really care for one another and are committed to being in contact, calling each other every evening to check in and see how your day went and visiting each other when you can afford it. If you can commit to these things there is a chance. It involves a lot of trust too, because this person is not around you on a regular basis. If you think you can trust him and he feels the same way talk to him. It might work but know it's going to take a lot of effort. Anything worth having usually does.
lovelittle lovelittle 4 years
I agree with the sourcherry, although this is more of a spring fling. you mentioned the word recently which leads me to believe that its only been a couple weeks. yes it might be great and wonderful...right NOW. lets be honest, you both still have on that pretty new relationship wrapper. you still don't know the real sping boy and he might not be so fresh in 2 months. regardless, it always makes it easier for me to let go of something when i'm the chicken who knew what to expect when she got to the other side. if what's over there is worth it, even if the road i'm crossing is risky and i know that KFC might be waiting (i.e. heartbreak), i'll go. BUT if you know that you can find someone who won't leave and who might, juuuuuuuust might be even just the slightest bit better (which i think not leaving would fit that shoe) don't do it. other option: if you decide to cross that road and springy stays great then talk about a long distance deal. skype, phone calls, phone sex/sexting...or something along those lines if that's something you guys are doing (you have to keep that passion alive somehow), visiting, those are options. see how it works for BOTH of you. just cause it works for one doesn't always mean its working for the other.
lovelittle lovelittle 4 years
I agree with the sourcherry, although this is more of a spring fling. you mentioned the word recently which leads me to believe that its only been a couple weeks. yes it might be great and wonderful...right NOW. lets be honest, you both still have on that pretty new relationship wrapper. you still don't know the real sping boy and he might not be so fresh in 2 months. regardless, it always makes it easier for me to let go of something when i'm the chicken who knew what to expect when she got to the other side. if what's over there is worth it, even if the road i'm crossing is risky and i know that KFC might be waiting (i.e. heartbreak), i'll go. BUT if you know that you can find someone who won't leave and who might, juuuuuuuust might be even just the slightest bit better (which i think not leaving would fit that shoe) don't do it.other option: if you decide to cross that road and springy stays great then talk about a long distance deal. skype, phone calls, phone sex/sexting...or something along those lines if that's something you guys are doing (you have to keep that passion alive somehow), visiting, those are options. see how it works for BOTH of you. just cause it works for one doesn't always mean its working for the other.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Well, what are you looking for from him? He can give you two months and that is it. If you're okay with that and can let him go with zero drama (okay, maybe a few tears) when the time is up, maybe even help him pack, go for it. You know full well you're not about to run off with him and try to move in with him, right? ...Right? (The man is to all intents and purposes still just an acquaintance!) If you even think that might happen--or if you think you're going to enjoy some sort of Skype romance with him forever--slowly start to disentangle yourself from him. You've got two months to do it. Treat him like this adorable wonderful puppy you've been taking care of for a while. Imagine him going to a wonderful home and remember him fondly. No attempts at delay or puppynapping allowed!
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Well, what are you looking for from him? He can give you two months and that is it. If you're okay with that and can let him go with zero drama (okay, maybe a few tears) when the time is up, maybe even help him pack, go for it.You know full well you're not about to run off with him and try to move in with him, right? ...Right? (The man is to all intents and purposes still just an acquaintance!) If you even think that might happen--or if you think you're going to enjoy some sort of Skype romance with him forever--slowly start to disentangle yourself from him. You've got two months to do it.Treat him like this adorable wonderful puppy you've been taking care of for a while. Imagine him going to a wonderful home and remember him fondly. No attempts at delay or puppynapping allowed!
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 4 years
If you could fall in love with the tragedy of the whole thing: a passionate fling with an expiration date, a summer love from your youth, blah blah blah, then I would say go for it. I've had a couple of summer flings like this and now that I'm older and this close to settling down, I'm so happy I had that in my life. I know I'm waxing poetic here, but sometimes the price of a summer fling is a temporarily broken heart. You'll get over the broken heart but you get to keep the memories forever. Just some food for thought.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 4 years
This happened to me once and I wish it never did. If you're not going with him (two months sounds a little soon to me to pack up your whole life for a guy you just started dating, but maybe I'm wrong), I suggest breaking it off before you get even more attached. Anon 5 does have a point though... how far away is he moving? Is long-distance possible or no?
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 4 years
This happened to me once and I wish it never did. If you're not going with him (two months sounds a little soon to me to pack up your whole life for a guy you just started dating, but maybe I'm wrong), I suggest breaking it off before you get even more attached. Anon 5 does have a point though... how far away is he moving? Is long-distance possible or no?
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
Ouch, I'm sorry. It sounds like a case of the right person at the wrong time. I don't know what your situation is, if you can move to be with him (if you're even at such a point to consider it yet), but I personally do not recommend ldr's. They are so hard and so many things can happen when you're so far away. But if you really think it could work, you could give it a shot. If you're not up for the challenge, you should start letting him go. I know it's hard.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 4 years
I also want to give you a piece of advice. Next time, find out these things about someone BEFORE becoming emotionally attached.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 4 years
OP, I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm afraid that if you cannot go with him, you have to break it off.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 4 years
OP, I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm afraid that if you cannot go with him, you have to break it off.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 4 years
Can you go with him?
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 4 years
Can you go with him?
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