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Lose The Liar

Dear Sugar
I love my boyfriend, but I am worried because I keep catching him in lies. We're both very religious and I follow the religious guidelines but have never been one to project my beliefs or judge others. When we first started dating, he told me that he was a virgin, but every once in a while, he'd make sex comments. It sounded a lot like someone who's done much more than he is confessing to me. 3 months into our relationship I asked him again about being a virgin, and again he said he was. On Valentine's Day, he asked me whether or not I would be upset if he had already had sex, I said "yes" simply because that meant he was lying NOT because he isn't a virgin. Right then and there he confessed, to having 3 partners and doing it once with each. I was upset about the lies, but I forgave him and never mentioned it again. 2 weeks later he started making comments about sex and how great he is at it because of experience, which seemed odd because he's only had it 3 times. I grilled him about this and he said that I had "scared him" by being upset before so he didn't want to tell me that he has actually had sex 30 times with 3 different girls. I don't even know if any of that is true! Another problem I have is that he goes to clubs. We're both young so I understand that's something people like to do, but when they're single. He doesn't see the big deal about grinding with girls when he goes out with his friends, even though he's dating me. He says I don't want him to have fun. He also continually makes little promises to me saying he'll call or do something for me. Whenever the time comes for him to follow through with the promise he made on his own volition he ALWAYS lets me down. Just last night he said he wasn't going out so that we could spend time together; lo and behold, he went out, and when he finally called me he promised to stay up and chat. We talked for a 1/2 hour and then he fell asleep on me. So, what I'm asking is: am I being over demanding and bratty or do I have a right to be upset with him? Seething Sara

Dear Seething Sara
I think he sounds too immature for a serious relationship. Having said this, I do believe that he does love you, but he's not ready to make the sacrifices that people make when they have to think of someone else other than themselves. These kinds of guys don't change. Some of them grow up, but most don't. I think you are on different paths. Here are 3 reasons why you should break up and hopefully this makes your talk with him easier: 1. No way should he be lying to you if he has any respect for you. 2. He shouldn't let you down when he promises to call and do nice things for you. 3. He shouldn't be going out all of the time without you. Of course everyone needs time with their friends, but not all of the time, and not at clubs. He's grown accustomed to lying to you and to letting you down. He's doing it because you are allowing it. How much longer are you going to let this behavior go on? You are already seething, so what's it going to take. Lose him!

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