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Love It Or Leave It

Dear Sugar
My boyfriend and I have lived together for the past year. We are thinking about getting engaged soon but there are a few issues that still need ironing out. He makes no effort to get to know my family and when I go home for a visit - he hangs out with his friends. It saddens me that he's not more family oriented. I resent when he goes out of town to train for Akido and I am stuck at home alone. I get angry that I always end up doing what he wants to do. I have talked to him about this, but nothing ever changes. He is 35 years old and has a dead-end job that he doesn't like. He has dreams and ambitions and does nothing to make any of them come true. What should I do? I am becoming increasingly unhappy. Sad Lee Lee

Dear Sad Lee Lee
There are 2 big issues here. The 1st one has to do with you. Take up some hobbies of your own so spending time with him isn't your only form of recreation. When he's at Akido, why do you feel like you have to be stuck at home? Go out and do whatever it is that interests you. It's not fair of you to ask him to give up what he loves just to chill with you. And when you are with him, assert those interests. If there is something that you'd like to do and he doesn't want to - then go do it alone. He's not going to stop bossing you around if you continue to let him. I'll bet he'll even be impressed with your new found passion for life. The 2nd issue is that you can't change other people. If you are already aggravated that he's: unmotivated, demanding and not family oriented then - love him or leave him! Those things will never dramatically change. Why would you enter a lifetime commitment with someone whose values you don't respect? Marriage can be hard enough - dating should be roses.

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