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In Love With My Best Guy Friend

"I'm in Love With My Best Guy Friend — Should I Stay His Friend?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

This year has been the worst for me in terms of love and relationships. I'm an attractive girl, I'm smart and educated, but I seem to keep falling for guys who are not into me or who date me for a while, then realize they don't want to commit. It's taken a real toll on my confidence and self esteem to the point where I don't want to date another guy for at least six months. Not until I can be happy on my own. The problem is, I'm in love with one of my best guy friends.

We've known each other for about a year. At first, we were interested in each other and went on a few dates, but he wasn't ready for a relationship. Truth is, he was in love with his best girlfriend and holding out for her. Things ended up not working out with them and he is now single. Up until Christmas, he would text me every day to say hi. He even made a picture of us his Facebook profile picture, which I thought was odd. For one thing, I don't have a Facebook account, so I couldn't see it unless I looked on my friend's account. And for another, he's told me over and over again that we are just friends. I didn't understand what that meant, if anything.

Anyhow, he invited me to spend Christmas with him since I would be alone, so I did. However, it was the most awkward interaction in the world. I could tell he was uncomfortable being near me. I don't know if he feels like I'm still attracted to him or what, but the person I spent time with wasn't my friend. I felt like he didn't even want me there. He spent the whole night texting until I got aggravated with him and asked him who he was texting. I had driven a long way to spend time with him and it really hurt my feelings to see him more interested in other conversations.

The next day, he changed his Facebook profile picture and now it's just one of him by himself. Words can't describe what I feel for this guy, but to continue with this "unrequited love" hurts so badly. He says that we are really good friends and that I am one of the truest friends he has, but then he acts like a stranger when we're together face to face. I am so confused and hurt. I just wish I could see him platonically but I can't. Not to mention, I am 99% positive he is interested in someone else. Do I continue this year-long friendship where we've grown so close? Or should I cut him out of my life? It hurts both ways, but I want to quit thinking that one day he'll love me when it's hit me in the face that he won't.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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henna-red henna-red 3 years
Great advice. Listen, girl....you've been shown the truth. When a person, man or woman, says one thing and demonstrates another, you always believe their actions. Always. It doesn't matter what someone says if their behaviors don't back it up. It sounds to me as though you've found a man who mirrors your own strategy....and is just as unsuccessful with it as you. I have to agree with bubbles....get the book, they have it on amazon, and might in the local library. I did, and it's a very revealing read...great information and if you take that information seriously, you can change your life for the better. Take care, and good luck in the new year!
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 3 years
Someone is going to accuse me of being the female author, I mention this book so often, but I promise I get nothing for this advice. Please go out and buy a copy of "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Sokol and Carter and get through the first chapter before you decide if it's about you or not. That book helped me change my attitude and behavior around. If you're young you may not have enough of a romantic history to know for sure, but you mention this is not a first time to be in love with the wrong person. You and the guy don't have basic communication down, there is no reason to be wondering what he's thinking. You need to ask and just have the conversation. Tell him what you think and feel, ask him what he thinks and feels and listen to what he says and believe him. Don't second guess. Don't argue. If you need to, ask clarifying questions. Get ready to have your mind altered once you hear it from the only person who could know. You know what -- that is all a real relationship is anyway. You probably have no idea how much power you have to change this course, but you do. Read the book. Commit yourself to simply having an open conversation with the person you're attempting Jedi mind reading tricks alone or with friends. Ask instead. And you've already changed things quite a bit. Best of luck to you!
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