This year has been the worst for me in terms of love and relationships. I'm an attractive girl, I'm smart and educated, but I seem to keep falling for guys who are not into me or who date me for a while, then realize they don't want to commit. It's taken a real toll on my confidence and self esteem to the point where I don't want to date another guy for at least six months. Not until I can be happy on my own. The problem is, I'm in love with one of my best guy friends.
We've known each other for about a year. At first, we were interested in each other and went on a few dates, but he wasn't ready for a relationship. Truth is, he was in love with his best girlfriend and holding out for her. Things ended up not working out with them and he is now single. Up until Christmas, he would text me every day to say hi. He even made a picture of us his Facebook profile picture, which I thought was odd. For one thing, I don't have a Facebook account, so I couldn't see it unless I looked on my friend's account. And for another, he's told me over and over again that we are just friends. I didn't understand what that meant, if anything.
Anyhow, he invited me to spend Christmas with him since I would be alone, so I did. However, it was the most awkward interaction in the world. I could tell he was uncomfortable being near me. I don't know if he feels like I'm still attracted to him or what, but the person I spent time with wasn't my friend. I felt like he didn't even want me there. He spent the whole night texting until I got aggravated with him and asked him who he was texting. I had driven a long way to spend time with him and it really hurt my feelings to see him more interested in other conversations.
The next day, he changed his Facebook profile picture and now it's just one of him by himself. Words can't describe what I feel for this guy, but to continue with this "unrequited love" hurts so badly. He says that we are really good friends and that I am one of the truest friends he has, but then he acts like a stranger when we're together face to face. I am so confused and hurt. I just wish I could see him platonically but I can't. Not to mention, I am 99% positive he is interested in someone else. Do I continue this year-long friendship where we've grown so close? Or should I cut him out of my life? It hurts both ways, but I want to quit thinking that one day he'll love me when it's hit me in the face that he won't.