I am in a long distance relationship. We are engaged and have been dating for seven months. I love her, but there are a few things about her that make me angry. She constantly talks about her ex-boyfriends and she's still very friendly with two of them. They even have a special ring tone on her phone. I’ve asked her to stop talking about these dudes but she doesn’t listen.
Something else that really bothers me is that she tells me when guys hit on her - it comes up everyday. If it’s so often, isn’t she used to guys hitting on her? Women hit on me too, but I don’t feel the need to tell her about it. I feel like she’s just bragging.
Also, she just got a new job and now she talks about the guys there. One day I was with her and some guy called her phone. She answered and this is what I heard from her.
" Who is this? Trace, the dark haired dude? Where are you? Oh cool, I totally dig that. Where do I live? I live in Houston. How old are you? I am 19 - I dig that too. Well you can call me later, ok – bye.”
She did this right in front of me. When I asked her who that was, she told me that it was the guy from her car dealership telling her a way that she could get money off on her car.
He called again the next night at 9:00pm as well. I started to ask questions and she didn’t answer. I was getting angry and she could see it in my face, but all she wanted to do was hook up. I let it go, even though I was upset and a few days later I decided to confront her.
I told her how I had heard most of her conversation and asked her why she lied to me. She became angry and threw a fit. She cried and said I should trust her by now. I went to see her and we made up. But right after we made up her phone rang and it was the same dude. I just let it go because I didn’t want to argue anymore, but I am mad. Again it was 9:00pm.
Last night she called to tell me about the guys at work. She thinks they are super cool and even mentioned a guy named Trace. So that’s really not what I wanted to hear because now I know the whole car dealership story was bogus. Unfortunately, there are a couple of stories like this, but I always let it go.
Dear, what if I am wrong and she’s not lying to me. I am so upset and confused…I don’t know what to do. Hurt Henri
To see DEARSUGAR’s answer
Dear Hurt Henry,
You know what to do, you are just afraid to do it. Henry, call off the engagement. Not only is your girl not the marrying kind, but she sounds like the most immature 19 year old on the planet. I know that seven months may seem like a long time, but clearly, you don’t know her well enough to be committing the rest of your life to her.
Don’t settle for anything but the best - and she sounds like she’s about the WORST! She talks about other guys non-stop just to make you jealous you know. What’s the point of that? Does she want to see you blow up and go crazy or something?
Also, taking those kinds of calls in front of you is about the most disrespectful thing I’ve ever heard of. The problem is that you take it. You’ll go for the booty when she turns it on and you sweep the anger and the problems you guys are having under the rug. Be a man and take a stand. It’s time to feed your fiancée back into the lion’s den …that’s where she seems to want to play anyway.