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Mad at My Absent Boyfriend

"Am I Right to Be Upset With My Absent Boyfriend?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Lately I have been getting really upset with my boyfriend. It's more of an internal sadness that makes me outwardly pull away. We have been together for around seven months, and things were fantastic at first: hearts fluttering with every kiss, not being able to stop thinking of him, the anticipation of the next time we would see each other. I fell hard for him, but now little things are getting me very upset and I want to know if it's justified or how I can feel better.

A few months into the relationship, he mentioned something about me meeting his family, and he'd already met mine around the first few dates. He said he did not want things to go for so long without me meeting his family, then set a date for that to happen — and that date has long since passed. When I would bring up the subject, he would go off on a long, winded explaination of why it couldn't happen then. At one time, he really insulted me by saying that his family would not like me based on how I look. Needless to say, I was very upset then, and even more so later when I found out that his family did not even know about me. When he talked to them, he explained all the times we went out as "hanging out with a group of friends," or worse yet, "hanging out with (insert guy names that rhyme with mine)."

His family members have come to town and there has been no attempt to set up a meeting. Through an unfortunate car accident, his family now knows that I exist, so now they mention wanting to meet me, but my boyfriend keeps putting it off, which stirs up all the hurt again. With the recent holidays also came our birthdays, which are only a few weeks apart, and I spent so much time thinking of what to get him as a gift. I ended up buying him movies that he loved and CDs from bands that he listens to all the time. It was truly from the heart and so much time went into picking everything out. When my birthday came around, though, I got a novelty cup with a $9 price tag. I thanked him for it and cried later on.

I really have not been able to see him much. He did come over to my house at Christmastime to be with my family, but other than that, it really has not been just the two of us for a very long time. I was looking forward to a midnight kiss on New Year's Eve, especially since I have never had gotten one. All day he hinted at the fact that he wanted to see his friend that night, even saying that if he was invited to a party that may or may not happen that night, he would go. We went to my house for a few hours to watch a movie he'd wanted to see, then he left to go ring in the new year with his friend. Now he is spending the entire New Year's Day with his friend and wants to watch TV at my house again tonight. I feel like he is going out and having fun and is just using me for the TV. Am I getting upset for no reason?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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GTCB GTCB 3 years
Okay, it is that obvious only to me? He's got another girl (or two) on the side and is cheating on you. Classic evasive guy behaviour. So, my advice is dump him immediately and look for someone else who gives you his full attention.
henna-red henna-red 3 years
Accept your feelings.....listen to them. Stop asking if they're justified and learn to listen and respect your own inner voice. It's showing sense.....and it's time for your actions to line up with your feelings. You've allowed this guy to turn you into his emotional punching bag....and you just keep taking his shots. Every time he say's something like he can't intro you to his family because of the way you look.....you are allowing him to hit you. And you come back for more. Why? That is the question you need to ask....why do I take his hits and come back for more? What am I getting out of this? Why am I afraid to ask for and demand better treatment in my life? Why do I accept this abuse? Why don't I leave this relationship? Why don't I expect and demand more in my life? Bubbles is so right, a good therapist can help you ask yourself those questions, and look for the answers. You can certainly start looking yourself, but your sense of self esteem seems so submerged at this point, that it may take a professional to help you pull it back into focus. Broken record be damned......you need a multitude of voices telling you this....he's shown you how he feels, believe him. Have enough respect for yourself to refuse to allow such abuse into your life. We teach people how to treat us.....teach yourself that you're worth much more than what he has to offer.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 3 years
I know I'm sounding like a broken record but I agree with the others, he is not that into you and is clear about it. Painfully so. So the real question is what is going on with you you are putting up with this kind of treatment from anyone? Please go seek a therapist and figure this out. That is truly the problem. A woman with a healthy sense of self would have dropped him like a hot potato with the 'your looks mean you cannot meet his family' moment. I've seen blah men say those kinds of things to beautiful women only to see the woman believe it and try to improve for him -- it's so bizarre. I don't know what you look like, but it doesn't matter. He is a very sick and dangerous person to be involved with if he speaks to a date that way.
missmaryb missmaryb 3 years
He's hiding something or he's completely emotionally unavailable. Either way, he's not treating you well and you are right to be fed up. I personally think you should break it off. You are not happy, he's being elusive and just plain rotten...what's there to hang on to? Good luck.
Chickpea69 Chickpea69 3 years
If anyone makes you feel insecure, unloved or distrusting then the relationship is not the right one for you. Holding on to a "love" that is not right for you, and that you can never change, could mean that you are missing out on meeting the person you are meant to be with. You are clearly a generous and thoughtful girlfriend who needs doting attention - and who deserved her new year's kiss. This boy will not change. He needs a girl who is stubborn, independent, strong, and as selfish as he seems to be. He is just a practice for your true love down the line. The patterns that we set in our relationships start from our very first one. Don't fall into a pattern of accepting things that do not meet your expectations. By this I mean regularly, an occassional incident or misunderstanding is very different,but reading your post it seems that he does not consider your feelings or needs and it is highly unlikely that he ever will. Someone else out there is waiting patiently to share that New Years Kiss!
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