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Making New Friends Is Harder Than I Thought

Dear Sugar
I have recently moved across the country with my husband and our two young daughters. I didn't think that it would really be a big deal leaving my friends, since everyone is getting married, having children of their own and slowly leaving the city where we all used to live together for the suburbs...but I was wrong.

Now it feels like starting from scratch to meet new friends is difficult and a little painful. It's hard to take casual conversations to the next level and set up play dates, dinners or lunches. I really miss having a pal close by to chat on the phone with about life.

I really hadn't expected this to be quite so challenging. My husband and I have always been outgoing, friendly and we would open our home to friends without hesitation. Do you have any suggestions for how I can turn my very distant acquaintances into friendships? Lonely Lana.

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Lonely Lana
You can equate making new friends to dating. You still have to go through a screening process and only time can really tell if you are compatible and the feelings are mutual. Sometimes to get the fire started though, you've got to take a risk. Something as simple as inviting some moms over from your kid's school one day would be a great way to break the ice.

Another creative idea could be to start a book club where you can invite just the ladies over without the kids so that you can find more to talk about then just your children. Have you ever considered attending a support group? Support groups are a great way to make new friends.

Venture out to and participate in community activities like; sporting events, plays, concerts, art shows, book signings, religious/neighborhood meetings and volunteer activities. The point is to just get out there and see who you connect with.

Also consider what makes a good friend and make sure that you are acting accordingly. Are you reaching out to others when they need support? Good luck to you and your husband; hopefully he can also benefit from some of these suggestions.

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Join The Conversation
Honeychild Honeychild 9 years
sorry typo can should be CANT go looking for friends
Honeychild Honeychild 9 years
Well how do you know these so called distant acquaintances? Asking questions with out seeming nosey is the best way to get know someone, DONT immediately ask for their # or ask to make plans bc that can come off desperate or stalker-ish. Simple conversations are best. Where is the best place to shop? Where is there a good gym,hair salon? If you start to go to those places you'll become more acquainted with that person. I actually met one of my close friends at the gym. We starting say Hi and Bye then days we were there at the same time we worked out together and chatted for a bit. Not long after we exchanged #'s and became friends. It takes time and you have to remember you can go looking for friends it just happens. Good luck
WhatTheFrockBlog WhatTheFrockBlog 9 years
Mme, we should've had our own meetup when I was in Paris a few weeks ago! The PopSugar meetup group!
justjaime27 justjaime27 9 years
Awww...well, thank goodness for technology! :) And have a great time going home for Christmas, that's wonderful! So you are Canadian then? Or American? Or French now? lol I noticed you said "mum", so my guess is Canadian...lol Toooo cute! Ha ha I told my husband if we ever moved anywhere, I'd just move there to live wherever long enough to get the cool accent...lol (I'm SUCH a dork, I know...lol)
Mme-Hart Mme-Hart 9 years
I've been here almost a year now full-on. I flew back and forth a LOT before we were married. My mum has been here once and my dad and brothers haven't been. It's hard, but that's what msn, phones and email are for. We work it out. If you cried yourself to sleep every night in Paris that would be sad...it is magical at night!!!! I've been home once and we're going home for xmas :D
justjaime27 justjaime27 9 years
That's right! :) You never know when you're going to meet "The One"! :) I think it's great though...when you DO finally find that person, it's just the greatest feeling in the world. I prayed for him to come into my life for so long, and he finally showed up, just when I was about to give up on guys...lol. ha ha ha I'm SUCH a hopeless romantic! :) Call me a cheese ball. Go ahead. :)
justjaime27 justjaime27 9 years
Oh, that's gotta be really hard! How long have you lived there for? Do you get to visit home often, or does your family get to visit you often? I'd go nuts. It's one thing to live states away, but to live and ocean away, I think I'd cry every night...lol Seriously, I only live 7 hours driving distance from home, and I go nuts...I'm a sap though. This is my first time living away from home.
Mme-Hart Mme-Hart 9 years
lol you're such an 80s song ;) You just never know where or when love will happen, huh? :D :love:
justjaime27 justjaime27 9 years
Hey, I hear ya. My uncle met my aunt online...it's the new way to date, I guess! :) I'm not saying it's bad or anything, I'm just a "worry wart"...lol I met my husband at work...lol As that 80's song goes, "I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar...when I met you...". Yes, I was a cocktail waitress, and he was my...boss!!! There. I said it. lol But it worked out in the end, we've been together almost 9 years now, married for 3 1/2 years! :) And to note...I didn't KNOW he was my boss when I started to like him...and he didn't tell me he liked me until I finally fessed up to him...lol Aaaaah love, don't ya just love it? :)
Mme-Hart Mme-Hart 9 years
Yes I do know, my family is all in canada and the usa. I have no one over here but my husband...you learn to live with it. It is hard, but it does work. You could always do it for a few years just to have the experience!! :D
justjaime27 justjaime27 9 years
Oh, and by the way...I finally looked at your balcony picture...that is BEAUTIFUL!!! You are so lucky...lol. I would LOVE to visit Paris someday. My husband actually talks about maybe living in Paris or even Italy, or England...he'd love to live in another country, but I just don't know if I could live that far away from family, you know?
Mme-Hart Mme-Hart 9 years
yep, it's a group thing...and yes you do have to be careful with online things, but don't overprotect yourself. That's how I met my husband :love: LOL!
justjaime27 justjaime27 9 years
Huh...neat! :) Thanks, Mme Hart! Sounds interesting...so it's not like you actually set up a one-on-one date with a "could be friend"...it's a group thing? lol Just asking, because you have to be careful with these meeting sites...some of my friends have done the online dating thing, and it's a scary world out there, ya know? But a group thing sounds so much better. Thanks for the info! :)
Mme-Hart Mme-Hart 9 years
lol no worries justjaime...and good evening to you ;) there's a website meetup.com and you search where you live and the different groups in your area that get together. You can join the groups and find out when/where they will meet. In Paris there are are mums and tots groups, wine tasting groups, groups by nationality, groups that go to museums together, etc. So you really search out through your own interets. :D Does that help?
justjaime27 justjaime27 9 years
Mme Hart...I don't get it. How does meetup work? I mean, what's the deal with it? lol Don't mean to sound so silly, sorry...lol Just curious to learn exactly what it is...never heard of it until you mentioned it! :) Hey, good morning, by the way! :)
Mme-Hart Mme-Hart 9 years
:D Thanks Jennifer! I just love meeting people and if you look, like ACTUALLY look, there are so many opportunities to make new friends in your life, but they aren't going to jump out at you...
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
That's great, Mme! I've made some nice friends from my meetup group, too. But, you're right, someone has to take the first step!!
Mme-Hart Mme-Hart 9 years
Follow up on my Meet Up comment. I went to a Meet Up here last night for the British Expat group in Paris (my hubby is Brit) and I walked away with a "date" next week with two fabulous girls (one aussie and one swedish girl). It was great, but you have to take the first steps to make it happen!
la_clique la_clique 9 years
Don't know where you are, but our local online version of the newspaper has blogs, posts, etc...for moms and play groups. I don't have kids, and don't really have any major hobbies to "bond" with people over, so I completely understand your problem meeting people. I mean, I like the girls I work with, but I really don't need to see them after work, too. Lets face it, its' hard to make friends in "adult" world. BB, I had the same problems with all the freaky ppl with drug problems and no morals when I was living in FL. All old people and freaks. Helluva combo.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 9 years
mmmm, that sux! I'm like that right now, I don't know anyone and if it weren't for my peeps here on popsugar, I'd feel pretty lonely. I could venture out with no problem here in my community...cause I've got people here that are trying to 'communicate' with me...but me knowing I won't be here that long is stoppin' me....but if you plan on living there for a looooooooooooooooong time, ya might wanna start goin' to the local places, looking up town festivals and stuff like that, you can meet some pretty cool people that way.
justjaime27 justjaime27 9 years
Ok 3Sweeties, have a great night!!! Happy domestic-ing! :) ha ha. I hear ya...yesterday I had to GROUND myself so I could get some laundry done...lol Take care, great chatting with you too!
3Sweeties 3Sweeties 9 years
I do too. I cancelled my gym membership (kids kept getting sick in their daycare) but I used to try to time it so I'd be there when Ellen was on. I'd be on the elliptical machine cracking up, and NO ONE else ws laughing. I guess they were more serious about working out! Well, I've been on here too long- gotta fold some laundry. It was fun chatting, Jamie. I'll look for you at the convention :P
justjaime27 justjaime27 9 years
THAT is hilarious!!! lol Ellen makes me laugh...I think she is just sooo funny! Love her show! :)
3Sweeties 3Sweeties 9 years
Floor dancing! haha. Have you ever seen that old Ellen DeGeneres (sp?) bit about walking, then you trip, so you pretend you were just about to start running? She does a little commentary "OH! that lady just tripped! Oh, no, she's jogging. I thought she tripped, but it was actually a jog!" That is probably not funny at all in print. But, I know I've done that!
justjaime27 justjaime27 9 years
HA HA HA!!! Aaaah, the macarena...that is HILARIOUS! :) Tooo funny. Eh, who cares how you dance...we all look like fools, but if we're having fun, that's all that matters! :) I'll never forget one time I was dancing, and fell RIGHT on my ass on the dancefloor....so what did I do? lol Instead of freaking out & acting embarrassed, I pretended that I PLANNED to fall on the floor, and then attempted at doing some "floor dancing"...lol. YES I WAS DRUNK...lol Fear not, normally Jaime does NOT break dance...lol Oh, it was so so bad...lol
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