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Marrige Meltdown - How Can I Stop The Fighting?

Dear Sugar
My husband and I have been married for four years and I am noticing a gradual change in our relationship. I feel like he is taking less and less interest in me and our marriage. We have been fighting more and I am always the one to step up to the plate and smooth things over. I am the kind of person who can't go to bed angry, where as my husband can hold a grudge just to prove a point.

I am newly pregnant and I am really scared. I am honestly beginning to feel a little bit trapped in my relationship. I want to be in a happy marriage again but I'm at a loss on how to improve our relationship. I want my baby to be brought up in a loving and happy home. Do you have any suggestions for me? Saddened Samantha

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Saddened Samantha
It sounds like you and your husband are having trouble communicating with each other. Is he aware that you are feeling his distance? After you smooth things over, are you still feeling angry inside? Maybe you don't realize it, but could you be holding a grudge as well? Getting through the tough times requires both partners in the relationship to be dedicated to making it work.

Having open lines of communication with your partner is key to making your relationship work. When you fight with your husband, try talking it out before dismissing it and sweeping it under the rug. This way your feelings don't snowball and then lead you to explode or feel trapped. Getting your feelings out should make you both feel better. Tell your husband you love him and you are willing to do anything to have your happy marriage back.

If communicating on your own isn't helping, marriage counseling is always an option. Having an outside mediator sometimes helps to identify where your communication glitches are. Since you are newly pregnant, your problems probably seem magnified. You must try your best to work on them now so that you are a team again when the baby arrives. More than ever your home needs to be a loving, caring, and safe environment.

I hope you and your husband can work out your differences. If not, remember, you are never trapped in an unhappy marriage; there are always options and people you can talk to if you want to get out. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

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Lil2Blue Lil2Blue 9 years
Dearsugar is right.. You should focus on becoming a team again with your husband, and I am sure that this is what he wants as well! Have a look together to see what needs to be said or done to make it happen.. good luck with it!!
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
It sounds like this is just both of you expeirencing pregnancy. Honestly both of you change an are hormonal and stressed. Planned or not pregnancy is hard and its a stepping stone. I think you guys need to just talk more and be as patient as possible. If you think theres a real underlying problem then seek conselling. But your hormones and all are going to make you paranoid and question everything chill -------------------- Happy Halloween Popples
gossipqueen gossipqueen 10 years
Did the change (arguing) start or intensify when your pregnancy started? If it did, your husband might also be scared of the new responsibility. Is he having problems at work? with his family? with your family? Usually we think men act funny out of the blue (lol, granted most of the time they do) but sometimes there's a perfectly good reason. Like sugar said maybe the fact that you're pregnant intensifies a problem that might be small or that your husband sees as small while you see a hurricane. Express your concerns but also take the time to find out if HE has some issues going on with him that might have nothing to do with you or your relationship....sometimes we are selfish and only see our side and sometimes we bring what bother us at work home. Good luck!
LaylaCams LaylaCams 10 years
Not that I'm having problems, just that they are using my name! lol
LaylaCams LaylaCams 10 years
Whoa. This isn't me, I swear.
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 10 years
Please seek couples counseling.
PinkSparkleGrl PinkSparkleGrl 10 years
A child's happy home can be a single parent, grandparents, aunts, even two people of the same sex. As long as whom ever is taking care of the child loves them and takes care of them, that equals a loving and happy home.
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