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Military Girlfriend Needs Support

This question comes from the Military Wives and Girlfriends group in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hey, I'm new to this site, but I'm just looking for a welcoming place to find support while my soldier is deployed. He has been gone for almost a year.

We are engaged and madly in love. I'm 18 and he's 21. I'm sure you can see where people have been disagreeing; my friends and family don't understand what it's like to date or be in love with someone who is deployed. It's hard and I feel so lonely . . . I could just use some people who know what I'm going through and give good advice and can help me get through this deployment with some dignity.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it to the Military Wives and Girlfriend group for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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army-girl18 army-girl18 6 years
Hey, ive been trying to find a group aswell, my boyfriend is in the Rifles and being deployed and the thought of him being on the front line scares me to death.People dont understand who arent in this situation and i find their words realy unhelpful, i just want to get incontact with a few people than can help when hes away. it might be helpful nearer to the time, but even now i cry just thinking about it , and dont want to put my doubts on him. especially as he loves it. Alex
army-girl18 army-girl18 6 years
Hey, ive been trying to find a group aswell, my boyfriend is in the Rifles and being deployed and the thought of him being on the front line scares me to death. People dont understand who arent in this situation and i find their words realy unhelpful, i just want to get incontact with a few people than can help when hes away. it might be helpful nearer to the time, but even now i cry just thinking about it , and dont want to put my doubts on him. especially as he loves it. Alex
kuuipo kuuipo 6 years
Hey There,Just wanted to say, "HANG IN THERE!!" It is definitely grueling to be separated from your loved one. My bf has been deployed for 6 months and it is still difficult. You just have to keep yourself busy, stay positive and look forward, especially towards the future. If you can, continue to keep in contact with your fiance by e-mailing or skyping and encouraging each other to stay positive.Stay strong :)
kuuipo kuuipo 6 years
Hey There, Just wanted to say, "HANG IN THERE!!" It is definitely grueling to be separated from your loved one. My bf has been deployed for 6 months and it is still difficult. You just have to keep yourself busy, stay positive and look forward, especially towards the future. If you can, continue to keep in contact with your fiance by e-mailing or skyping and encouraging each other to stay positive. Stay strong :)
tigr3bianca tigr3bianca 6 years
I've been deployed twice, so I know the other side. Have you gone to any family readiness group (FRG) meetings? Get in contact with your fiance's unit and see what activities they have for families. The FRG can really help out and support you during this difficult time. That is their whole purpose. I know it can seem the FRG is only for wives but that's not true, its for anyone in the soldier's support system. You said your fiance has been gone for almost a year, well that means he's on his way to you soon. Hang in there, it can be hard but it can make you stronger. There are also chaplains and family counselors for you and your fiance to talk to if you have problems after his return. There is also the Military One Source Hotline you can call anytime in case you need more information 1.800.342.9647. Good luck.
tigr3bianca tigr3bianca 6 years
I've been deployed twice, so I know the other side. Have you gone to any family readiness group (FRG) meetings? Get in contact with your fiance's unit and see what activities they have for families. The FRG can really help out and support you during this difficult time. That is their whole purpose. I know it can seem the FRG is only for wives but that's not true, its for anyone in the soldier's support system. You said your fiance has been gone for almost a year, well that means he's on his way to you soon. Hang in there, it can be hard but it can make you stronger. There are also chaplains and family counselors for you and your fiance to talk to if you have problems after his return. There is also the Military One Source Hotline you can call anytime in case you need more information 1.800.342.9647. Good luck.
AngieMae AngieMae 6 years
To get through this, enjoy the time you do have (phonecalls, emails, day visits), and don't take it for granted. Try your best not to let the time you do have be overtaken with the sadness of the anticipation of him leaving shortly. I think you're friends and family are programmed into thinking that because you are 18 you don't know how to live your life. Let them. It's up to you to make the best of your situation, and try to rise above their comments, and stay true to you and your relationship.That said, I was in this position before. I started dating my then boyfriend when I was 17, he was 19. He was in the military, and always away. We we "engaged" when I was 19, and he 21. I know how you are feeling. I felt the love we had was greater than anything in the world, and that no matter what we'd overcome anything. But the fact of the matter is, the distance made us grow apart. I stayed in that relationship for 4 years, out of fear that I'd never find anything better. The first two were great, but after that we lost our way. I just hope that you wait to get married until he is out of the military. Wait until you are able to co-exist together in a normal manner (no long-distance, no deployments) before you get married. There's no rush. If you and he are really meant to be together, you will. No questions asked. It's a bummer, but a very true point, the military changes people. Actually growing up changes people. You at 18 and you at 25 may be entirely different people. Just please make sure you know yourself before you decide to make such a huge life step. You're about to enter a great and scary time of finding yourself in life. I wish you lots of luck, hang in there.
AngieMae AngieMae 6 years
To get through this, enjoy the time you do have (phonecalls, emails, day visits), and don't take it for granted. Try your best not to let the time you do have be overtaken with the sadness of the anticipation of him leaving shortly. I think you're friends and family are programmed into thinking that because you are 18 you don't know how to live your life. Let them. It's up to you to make the best of your situation, and try to rise above their comments, and stay true to you and your relationship. That said, I was in this position before. I started dating my then boyfriend when I was 17, he was 19. He was in the military, and always away. We we "engaged" when I was 19, and he 21. I know how you are feeling. I felt the love we had was greater than anything in the world, and that no matter what we'd overcome anything. But the fact of the matter is, the distance made us grow apart. I stayed in that relationship for 4 years, out of fear that I'd never find anything better. The first two were great, but after that we lost our way. I just hope that you wait to get married until he is out of the military. Wait until you are able to co-exist together in a normal manner (no long-distance, no deployments) before you get married. There's no rush. If you and he are really meant to be together, you will. No questions asked. It's a bummer, but a very true point, the military changes people. Actually growing up changes people. You at 18 and you at 25 may be entirely different people. Just please make sure you know yourself before you decide to make such a huge life step. You're about to enter a great and scary time of finding yourself in life. I wish you lots of luck, hang in there.
Vanonymous Vanonymous 6 years
Hi there. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so lonely. I think it is very important for you to take this opportunity to explore new hobbies and find things that you enjoy. It is important to maintain your individual identity and not just turn into an "army wife". The reason I stress the importance of being independent is because things could go either way. Absence may make the heart grow fonder, in which case he will come home and your relationship will be better than ever. However, if your relationship continues, you should get used to being alone because men (and women) in the military are often sent away for weekends, months or years. On the flip side, as someone who witnessed this happen to my sister, he may come back from deployment (depending on where he went) a changed person. My sister's husband went to Iraq and came back a completely different person. He was mean and completely unable to adapt to a civilian lifestyle again. He refused therapy and then he left her. End of story.The scenarios are opposites, but in both cases, you are best off being able to live a happy life independently.
Vanonymous Vanonymous 6 years
Hi there. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so lonely. I think it is very important for you to take this opportunity to explore new hobbies and find things that you enjoy. It is important to maintain your individual identity and not just turn into an "army wife". The reason I stress the importance of being independent is because things could go either way. Absence may make the heart grow fonder, in which case he will come home and your relationship will be better than ever. However, if your relationship continues, you should get used to being alone because men (and women) in the military are often sent away for weekends, months or years. On the flip side, as someone who witnessed this happen to my sister, he may come back from deployment (depending on where he went) a changed person. My sister's husband went to Iraq and came back a completely different person. He was mean and completely unable to adapt to a civilian lifestyle again. He refused therapy and then he left her. End of story. The scenarios are opposites, but in both cases, you are best off being able to live a happy life independently.
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