After WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange's online dating profile came out last month, we took the opportunity to play matchmaker by suggesting that he hook up with international woman of mystery and Russian spy Anna Chapman. Well Esquire just got a professional, Bravo's Patti Stanger, to analyze Assange's profile. They kept things interesting by not revealing whom the profile belonged to until the end.
Some of Patti's best quotes:
- On Assange's assertion that he's "not the droid you're looking for": "You know, he's got a little bit of an ego and arrogance to him — I'll give you that. He's going to deter all good-quality women away — he's going to attract the diva-drama bitches."
- On his desire to date women from countries with political turmoil: "Okay, this is the most bitter man alive. This man is so bitter. It's a one-size-fits-all for him; every woman is the same."
- On why he might be British (he's Australian): "Now, he might be an international dude, like you said, and he might be British. Usually the British are kind of nasty like this — I wouldn't give the Scottish and the Irish this, but the British are kind of nasty."
- On what his hatred for anything Russian says about him: "He wants a woman who will give him an opinion — but I bet you he'll hate her opinion."
- On what his profile says about his sex skills: "He'll make great love to you then tell you what's wrong with you. That's called 'seducing and reducing.'"
She may be outrageous, but we have to thank Patti for new terms like "seducing and reducing" at least!