Actually, her advice could be applied to anyone dating or in a relationship, but her new DVD Married in a Year sets the rules for any woman hoping to walk down the aisle next Spring. It's mix of her trademark no-nonsense, old-fashioned values, and healthy setting of boundaries.
The interview opens when we were discussing what she calls a crisis of masculinity in America, and she had just told me parents need to start raising boys to be chivalrous and go after what they want. Since we're not looking to date 8-year-olds, I asked what that meant for women today.
TrèsSugar: Are women a lost dating generation now?
Patti: Women have become the men and men have become the women, and now men are pissed that the women have become them. Well, too bad, you didn't step up. What am I supposed to do?
TS: What do you think about women making the first move?
Patti: I don't think it's a good idea for women to make the first move. I think what you have to do is signal the hunters you find in your area. There's not a lot of them, but there's at least one for everybody. And I think you have to take your time and get to know someone, and if you want to start as a friend then start as a friend. But if you make the first move, you set the precedent, and you don't want to set the precedent as the female; otherwise, you'll never get back the feminine energy.
TS: Are you saying women should make it easy for men to ask them out?
Patti: No, it's like presenting. All you're doing is presenting yourself. If you're his type then he's going to walk across the street and offer you a drink. You're not being aggressive about it; you're just presenting.
TS: How would you define presenting?
Patti: Show up, look good, smell good, sit back, relax, smile — signal. It's called a five-second flirt. You make eye contact and smile, but only for five seconds. It's in my DVD.
TS: What are the biggest mistakes you see single women making?
Find out below.
Patti: They're calling guys after dates, which is a no-no. You don't call a guy, you don't text him, you don't say thank you. You say thank you on the date . . . If you start calling him, you interrupt his processing time of whether or not he likes you and then you become a pest and a nuisance.
TS: So let men take the lead because they like to?
Patti: Yes, let them come to you. If he wants to, he will come to you. Trust me.
TS: Let's talk about one of your rules: no sleeping together before monogamy.
Patti: No sex before monogamy, which means no intercourse, blow jobs, or anything like that.
TS: Really? Because I feel like there's a period in dating when you're monogamous but not formally in a committed relationship.
Patti: No, there's no such thing. Sexual monogamy is a relationship. If you're monogamous sexually, but he's not calling you every week to go out that's not a relationship. You have to get out. You don't give someone sexual monogamy if they're not treating you like you're in a relationship. You'll know in the first couple of weeks if he's being consistent and asking you out on Saturday night . . . You don't want to be sexually monogamous; you want to be sexually and relationship monogamous.
TS: Still, talking about the relationship status often comes after the relationship forms — what if women don't want to seem pushy?
Patti: No, it needs to come before [sex, the relationship]. You need to say to a guy, "What's a relationship to you?" And if he says to you, "I want you to only be mine," then ask, "what does that entail?" You ask that in a job interview. How many days a week do you want to see me? What's your situation? . . . He'll know, he'll tell you.
TS: Your DVD is titled Married in a Year — isn't that fast?
Patti: How old are you?
Patti: Really? Huh. Usually people say that in their 20s. No, that is not quick. Six to nine months is negotiation for the ring and nine to 12 is to physically get the ring. So it is not quick. A guy knows at the six-month mark if he wants to marry you or not. Now if you just want to play the field and enjoy life, you have the right to do that, but this [her DVD] is for women who want to get married.