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Momma Don't Preach

Momma Don't Preach

Dear Sugar
I am 20 years old with a two year old daughter. I found out last week that I am pregnant again with my second child. I am not married but I live with the father of both my children. My mother is supportive of my life style but I am afraid to tell her I am pregnant again.

I have a friend who is in the same situation as I am. I'm young, not married, not attending college and I've got two young children. When she got pregnant with her second child, my mother called her a stupid dumb girl for getting pregnant again. She told me that that if I ever got pregnant again she would "kick me to the curb" and wouldn't watch either of my kids.

All this stress is eating me up inside. I have not been feeling well lately and I am afraid that all of the inner tension will take a toll on my health and possibly even my baby's heath. How do I tell my mom I am expecting again? Pregnant Pam

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Pregnant Pam
Being stressed out and pregnant can not be good for your body right now. Try to get what's bothering you off your chest and take a deep breath. Hopefully, you will feel much more peaceful once you free your secret. Being honest is always the best policy and we can only wish that your mom will share in your joyous news.

Please prepare yourself emotionally to answer all the questions your mom might have for you when you break your news. She may ask if you can afford to have another baby? Or who is going to watch after them when you are at work or school? Try to come with a plan of action. Also let her know that you will be needing her help.

Having your boyfriend there for moral support is also a great idea. Even if your mom isn't excited for you at first, she will learn to love your baby... she will have a new grandchild after all! Congratulations on your new addition, I hope you are excited!

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Midnightkiss4u09 Midnightkiss4u09 10 years
DearSugar good advice. Your mother will still love you, and your baby. All mothers say things they really don't mean.
juliet juliet 10 years
LISTEN TO YOUR HEART, not your mom - Parents say crazy things when they feel threatened (and they usually don't mean them). I'd be straight w/ your mom, and hope for a positive reaction. Worst case scenario is that she wouldn't be pleased. But that's her probably, not yours. You've just been blessed with a second child - this should be a time of celebration for you & your boyfriend! Try not to compare yourself to others - so what if you're not in college yada yada yada - it's a choice you made a while ago, it seems. As long as you raise your kids w/ love and compassion,you're doing a great job. Stay positive - You are in my prayers!
ohilovemybabies ohilovemybabies 10 years
our system in wisconsin is absolute crap. I hate , hate our governor. When I was single it took a long time to get financial aid from our state while illegal mexicans took it all. I do hope they get a call so that mom can go to jail where she belongs
atoxicsparkle atoxicsparkle 10 years
i know, it's so sad...if i think about it to much i cry, because i don't even know what this little boys future is going to be like...and honestly, i don't even want to think about what it could be...it's horrible!! but i have a feeling SRS is going to be getting a call pretty soon, and hopefully that will help some...but our system here is crap, so who knows :(
ohilovemybabies ohilovemybabies 10 years
I just read the blog. That is so sad and disgusting. I don't know how any mom can do that to their kids and still be on earth living themselves. I ask God that all the time why do the good people have to leave us and the wretched ones have to stay here with us destroying the world..
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
my daughter was diagnosed 5 years ago nov 11th, 2001 (not that i'm keeping track, lol). believe me, i have been mad at everyone and everything at some point over the last 5 years. autism is a spectrum disorder, like the flu, so one person is mild and one very severe and they present very differently. autism is a communication disorder, so inability to read social cues, speech differences (including early acquisition of words), and not understanding social boundaries can all be signs of autism; or not. every child is different. my daughter has regressive autism. she could talk and play like the other kids but then lost skills. she was on a down hill spiral until about a year ago and then suddenly she started to improve. you never know what to expect with autism. no doctor would diagnosis my child with autism for months because they didn't "want to label her". no diagnosis; no services through insurance or the school district. in my daughters case it probably wouldn't have mattered (she's very severely affected), but we went private pay until we got a diagnosis. usually though the earlier services begin the better the prognosis.
atoxicsparkle atoxicsparkle 10 years
she really is ohilove...i have to deal with a f*ck face of a mom almost every week who could care less about her son and his disability, which SHE gave him...i have a blog about it that explains the whole situation...the woman makes me sick!
ohilovemybabies ohilovemybabies 10 years
valeri, what are some of the symptoms of autism? there is this little girl in my church who I think has it but, I don't know if they ever took her to the doctor. That is so sad about your daughter , You rock! alot of mothers would not even care about that and pro be angry at God or the world. You are a true inspiration to all mothers...what are your kids gonna be for halloween?
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
well we have individual parties for my 2 younger girls (all 3 were born in february). but we did joint parties for all 3 up until my middle daughter turned 5. my oldest has sever autism, so she has no idea what a birthday is. because of that we (read i) go way over the top for birthday parties. people probably think i'm nuts, but i miss everything with my oldest daughter and i'm not missing anything else.
ohilovemybabies ohilovemybabies 10 years
My daughters look alot alike. I am so glad that I had 2 girls their names are Natalie and Emma. They both have very dark hair and brown eyes. They are half mexican but, the baby is a little lighter.. Your daughter could totally pass as her double is your daughter was 12 and ya I could understand why it would get a little freaky people thinking she was her esp.men. I cannot wait till they get older and I can dress them alike. THey were born March 11th and March 8th.. Do you have joint bd parties. Someone told me that is mean and rude to do that to the baby but, it saves a butt load of money..
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
we get the dakota fanning thing constantly (several times a day). one time we were at a fresh choice and everyone in there decided she WAS dakota fanning. it got a little freaky. hello, dakota is i think 12 and leelee is 5. but as someone else pointed out to me they see someone in a move and that's what they remember, they don't think about the aging of the person. people asked the twin question from the time i started going places (duh). eventually they were the same size and for about 2 years looked very similar. dressing them alike was kind of fun. i always think it's so lame, but i couldn;t help myself. it was so cute, you know? we don't do it anymore, but when they were 2-4, totally cute.
ohilovemybabies ohilovemybabies 10 years
Well, they are 19 months and 7 months but, I always have people say when they are older people are gonna think they are twins. And, I feel like spitting every time I hear was it planned. Come on people most births are not planned..Is that your little girl in your avatar cuz she looks alot like dakota fanning but alot cuter...
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
i can't believe it's not butter.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
hey! i had my second daughter 4 days after my first daughter turned 1! you are only the second person i have talked with that had them closer together than i did. are you constantly hearing "are they twins!" followed by this hugh "oh" of dissapointment when you say no, followed by "was that planned?"
ohilovemybabies ohilovemybabies 10 years
Dont' you think the guy in my avatar is sexy lol...
ohilovemybabies ohilovemybabies 10 years
Right on Valeri. You Rock!!!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
you're all grown up now! you are in a relationship of your own choosing, are a mother and pregnant. her response won't change any of that. parents say things in regard to your friends as a sort of hope that you will heed their advice. if you are happy and excited then why shouldn't she be? this isn't her call. whatever choices you have made will effect you more than anyone, and if your mother chooses, they will not effect her at all. the baby you have and the baby on the way need you to be healthy and strong, so anything that prevents you from being those things isn;t compatible with your life right now. if that turns out to be your mother, well that's her loss.
ohilovemybabies ohilovemybabies 10 years
Plus your mom already loves your 2 year old why would she not love the new baby. My grandma said to my mom how could she do that to her daughter cuz they are only a year apart and I was like do what, give her the greatest gift . She loves her sister. ( I had her 3 days before my daughters 1st birthday. That was one great gift lol
ohilovemybabies ohilovemybabies 10 years
I was in the same situation you were in. I am the same age as you too. I was raised in church so my parents freaked when I told them. I just have a question for you if you live with the father and you have 2 kids with him why don't you just get married to him. If you ever want to talk in private just let me know I can try to help you as much as I can. I know what your going through it was like reading my life story. I know your mom would never do that to you they just say stupid things like that.. Once they see how precious the babies are they soften up alot..
AmandaK AmandaK 10 years
I got pregnant at 17 and I was sure that my mom would disown me. She said the same types of things to me. I was scared and waited until I was 5 months along to tell her and she didn't warm up at first, but it's her grand baby and she'll love you and him/her no matter what.
travelgirl travelgirl 10 years
maybe you should invest in birth control next time or get your tubes tied.
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