My ex-husband had an affair and we divorced due to his infidelities. I recognize that not all men are cheaters, but I can't help but have doubts about every man I meet and wonder if it will end up happening again. I'm with a guy right now who treats me well, but has made several disturbing comments about the attractiveness of my friends and recently mentioned that he thinks many of them who are married cheat because humans aren't meant to be in monogamous relationships. He claims that he's never cheated in a previous relationship, but this last comment in particular has really horrified me. I don't want to have my past dictate my future - are my fears well founded or am I just paranoid? Guarded Gabs
Dear Guarded Gabs
It's a hard one to call, so why don't you play into his game. Act cool about it and ask him straight up if he wants to be in a monogamous relationship. Don't do it in an angry way, just bring it up in a conversation as a theoretical argument. Position it as - the merits of monogamy and polygamy. You may not get the answer you want to hear, but at least it might allow a more honest discussion. If you are afraid to be that direct, you can always watch HBO's Big Love with him and see what he thinks about it.