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Mother-in-Law and Sister-in-Law Drama

Group Therapy: My Husband's Family Doesn't Have Boundaries

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Please help me understand what is the principal of a married couple? Once man marries he should put his wife and kids No. 1 or his sister and mom? I'm in a very bad position right now. My husband's sister won't leave my husband alone since I got into her. Texts him and calls him with any excuse she can find. I told my husband to tell her to move her address and get her packages and mail mailed to her address, but he has no balls to say it to her. And she checks on him if we get her packages and asks him to deliver them to her by a certain time and also asks him how we are doing and tells him how much she loves him and will be there for him. And all she is doing is bugging me so much. She never paid attention to her brother before — why now? And I told my husband that it bothers me but he is not getting it. What should I do?

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testadura67 testadura67 4 years
"My husband's sister won't leave my husband alone since I got into her." What do you mean by "got into her"? Sounds like you two had a fight. If that's the case, it may be an issue between the two of you that you are dragging him into. Hard to say, it feels like we're only hearing the end of the argument.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
You have the right to hand the phone to your husband when she calls. Or let it go to voicemail. Let your husband deal with the mail and stuff.It's totally annoying for sure, but not everything that's annoying in life can be fixed quickly. Especially where family is concerned. Try your best to be tolerant and leave as much as possible up to your husband. Now that'd be behaving like a team with him. Yes, your concerns are his concerns, but his needs when it comes to helping his family have become your responsibility too.That's all assuming nothing hinky's going on with these packages. No drugs or illegal stuff in there right? You do have the right to assure yourself that there's nothing bad going on. Maybe let your husband know that you reserve the right to open any of them if you get a bad vibe. If the sister wants absolute privacy for her mail, she needs to get herself a private address.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
You have the right to hand the phone to your husband when she calls. Or let it go to voicemail. Let your husband deal with the mail and stuff. It's totally annoying for sure, but not everything that's annoying in life can be fixed quickly. Especially where family is concerned. Try your best to be tolerant and leave as much as possible up to your husband. Now that'd be behaving like a team with him. Yes, your concerns are his concerns, but his needs when it comes to helping his family have become your responsibility too. That's all assuming nothing hinky's going on with these packages. No drugs or illegal stuff in there right? You do have the right to assure yourself that there's nothing bad going on. Maybe let your husband know that you reserve the right to open any of them if you get a bad vibe. If the sister wants absolute privacy for her mail, she needs to get herself a private address.
atraditionalist atraditionalist 4 years
don't interfere with family. Just don't. My aunt calls my mom every day and my dad just leaves it alone. If your husband is fine with it then you\ve got to let it go
Sherrilee Sherrilee 4 years
i THINK YOU ARE ALL MISSING IT. The sister in law doesn't seem to have a life of her own. Where is her man? She needs her own man to help her and get her packages. Something is strange that she has these packages mailed to your address. Doesn't she have an address? Don't speak ill of her to your brother. that will just makes you the bad guy. Feel sorry for her She needs to get a life. Live youras and be happy..
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 4 years
There's something missing in this story, something else is going on here. Either it's between you and your husband, or it's between him and his sister. It seems she may have a problem with you and there's a reason behind it, or they are hiding something. I'm not really sure what advice to give, I'd have to have more details.
katialoves katialoves 4 years
i would get really annoyed if MIL/SIL pushed the boundaries too much but this mail thing isnt much to get excited about. i'd let it go... however he shouldnt be responsible for delivering anything to her (unless she does other favours for you guys). pick your battles
njau njau 4 years
I get the feeling that you might have overstepped your boundaries and did something to offend the sister. You put "I;m in very bad position right now", You may need to take responsibility for your actions and apologize to her. Family is family, and yes you also need to be a priority too. But it should be okay for her to also ask to see 'how the family is doing', I ask my sister that all the time and I don't think it's nosy. But maybe i'm just reading this a little wrong.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 4 years
It appears that she may be just 'using' him for the address and for these packages... Do you know what those are for? Why can't she use her own address? As for her calling every day, you claim that this is for the package, so it's within her interest. If you want these calls to stop, etc, you probably would have to put your foot down about her using your family's home address, does your husband know the reason why she has to be using your address? If she's just lazy, fill up a forwarding address form from your local USPS for her and get all her packages forwarded to her current home address.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 4 years
It appears that she may be just 'using' him for the address and for these packages... Do you know what those are for? Why can't she use her own address?As for her calling every day, you claim that this is for the package, so it's within her interest. If you want these calls to stop, etc, you probably would have to put your foot down about her using your family's home address, does your husband know the reason why she has to be using your address?If she's just lazy, fill up a forwarding address form from your local USPS for her and get all her packages forwarded to her current home address.
Raynne413 Raynne413 4 years
She's his family. She was his sister before you married him, and she will always be his sister. Never do anything to come between someone and their family. They will resent you for it, their family will resent you for it, and you will end up resenting them both. If she calls every day or every other day, suck it up. If she's calling every hour or so, then I might think that is odd. Perhaps you should try being friends with her.
Raynne413 Raynne413 4 years
She's his family. She was his sister before you married him, and she will always be his sister. Never do anything to come between someone and their family. They will resent you for it, their family will resent you for it, and you will end up resenting them both.If she calls every day or every other day, suck it up.If she's calling every hour or so, then I might think that is odd. Perhaps you should try being friends with her.
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