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Moving On From a Breakup

Group Therapy: Help With Moving On From "the One"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So I met this guy and fell in love with him. Harder and deeper than I had before with anyone. He also told me that he had never felt this way before about a girl and how much happier he had become since I came into his life. We connected on a level in which I had never experienced. We have just about everything in common and we just clicked super fast with one another. We've known each other for 8 months, which I know isn't a long time, but love knows no time, isn't that a saying? Anyways I really and truly felt and still feel that he was my soulmate. That one guy I had been looking for my whole life. And I couldn't be happier. We spent all day everyday texting, and he'd call me every night he got off of work and as soon as we hung up he'd text me again. It was amazing . . . to think that a person cared about me that much that they'd never wanna go without me in their life in one way or another. We did not live in the same state so really communication by phone was all we had for the first few months of talking and us dating.

I finally got to go see him in person about 3 months ago. That moment — where I seen him and hugged him for the first time — was like magic. I'll remember that forever, whether I want to or not. And unfortunately I don't. He ended up breaking up with me a few days after I went back home. He told me he just wasn't feeling it while I was there . . . that there just wasn't a "wow" factor.

For the rest of the dilemma, keep reading!

We still keep in contact and he flirts sometimes, says that he wants to be with me and then flips a switch and says he doesn't see it happening or that having a gf is not what he wants. I asked him three times already if we could work things out . . . this is how much he means to me. Last night was the last time. He told me he just doesn't think that it would work because I live here and he lives there and how he wouldn't want me to move there or move in with him cause he feels like I would become his responsibility and that's something he doesn't want.

I need to know how I can stop feeling how I do about him. I have no idea how to move on. It's hard because I want to move on, but then at the same time I don't because I still feel like he's just confused by how he's feeling right now and he might come around to wanting to be with me again. And I only say this because of how he interacts with me. He even says he wants me to come visit him soon. But I don't know if he's just playing games or what. I'm beyond confused and I am honestly tired of trying to figure out his mixed signals, so I decided to just stop. I want him in my life, I do, but I don't know if it's possible for me to just be friends with him.

I know I can't be the only one who has gone through this so if anyone can give me any advice or let me know what they did to get over that one guy their heart beats for I would really really appreciate it.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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karlotta karlotta 5 years
When my BF of 6 years broke up with me after 6 months, I kept in touch and drove myself crazy and sick trying to get him back by any mean necessary - the subtle and the not-so-subtle. Nothing worked, but I just knew he was the one for me so I couldn't understand why such resistance! Then I cut off all contact. And stuck to it. And when he contacted me, I told him I would not talk to him - but I didn't pretend, I said it was because I loved him and it was bad for my ego. He started chasing me again, and I declined and hung up and kept myself from responding for months. I finally relented when I could tell his persistence was love and not pride; and when my own emotions had calmed down and were level enough that I wouldn't be inferior in the relationship.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Agree with everyone above. He isn't attracted to you physically. He doesn't want you in his life. His actual day to day life. That's a serious blow to the ego, huh? I'm really sorry about that, but there isn't a single thing you can do about it.What you have going on with the emails and texting is all make believe. It's fluff. A real relationship requires two physical bodies getting together on a regular basis. Without that, you might as well call a 900 number and pay someone to tell you sweet nothings. You deserve a lot more than that and I think you know it.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Agree with everyone above. He isn't attracted to you physically. He doesn't want you in his life. His actual day to day life. That's a serious blow to the ego, huh? I'm really sorry about that, but there isn't a single thing you can do about it. What you have going on with the emails and texting is all make believe. It's fluff. A real relationship requires two physical bodies getting together on a regular basis. Without that, you might as well call a 900 number and pay someone to tell you sweet nothings. You deserve a lot more than that and I think you know it.
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 5 years
I agree that you need to cut off all contact immediately. You will not be able to get over him if there is a part of you hoping that he is just confused and will come around. Besides, if you're going to give your heart to someone, you deserve more in return than someone who is on the fence. In the future, you should take this as a lesson that you need to be cautious with your emotions in online/text/phone relationships. If you are going to continue to meet people that way, you need to make a committment to be face to face with them as soon as possible. You can have a wonderful emotional/mental/spiritual connection with someone, but if there is no physical attraction on one or both sides, then the relationship isn't going to work and all that time you spent talking and texting is going to end up being for nothing.
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 5 years
I agree that you need to cut off all contact immediately. You will not be able to get over him if there is a part of you hoping that he is just confused and will come around. Besides, if you're going to give your heart to someone, you deserve more in return than someone who is on the fence. In the future, you should take this as a lesson that you need to be cautious with your emotions in online/text/phone relationships. If you are going to continue to meet people that way, you need to make a committment to be face to face with them as soon as possible. You can have a wonderful emotional/mental/spiritual connection with someone, but if there is no physical attraction on one or both sides, then the relationship isn't going to work and all that time you spent talking and texting is going to end up being for nothing.
cloudillusions77 cloudillusions77 5 years
you have to cut off contact with him. don't tell him about it--just do it. guys respond more when you give them the silent treatment. once you're out of the picture, if there was any true connection there, he'll realize how much he needs you. if he doesn't contact you again, then you'll still be better off because you'll already be focused on getting over him.if he does come crawling back, though, be weary: it could just be that his ego is wounded, he's feeling rejected, and he wants you back just to get over being dumped.if it's really love, then he should be willing to come visit YOU. no matter what his excuses may be (working all the time, no money, etc.)hope this helps and good luck. stay strong.
cloudillusions77 cloudillusions77 5 years
you have to cut off contact with him. don't tell him about it--just do it. guys respond more when you give them the silent treatment. once you're out of the picture, if there was any true connection there, he'll realize how much he needs you. if he doesn't contact you again, then you'll still be better off because you'll already be focused on getting over him. if he does come crawling back, though, be weary: it could just be that his ego is wounded, he's feeling rejected, and he wants you back just to get over being dumped. if it's really love, then he should be willing to come visit YOU. no matter what his excuses may be (working all the time, no money, etc.) hope this helps and good luck. stay strong.
sharky89 sharky89 5 years
I'm really sorry you are going through this - I went through something similar and it was difficult. After much hesitation and many failed attempts, I finally cut all contact with him, which made it a lot easier to move forward. I began focusing on things I had (wonderful friends and family, hobbies, etc) and making it a point to say thanks for at least one thing every day, which allowed me to slowly to let go of the things I didn't have. I would be lying if I said I didn't think of him and miss him at times, but the big take-away for me was that I learned to love myself to the point where it wasn't OK for me to be jerked around the way I was - I respected myself and his decision to not be with me, left, and worked (and am still working) to enjoy my life. It gets easier with time but you have to be open to letting go of the past and gracefully receiving new experiences (whether you seek them out or find yourself in them) - you may discover new things about yourself, new love, etc only if you are strong enough to let go. What's meant to be, will be. Good luck to you.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 5 years
You cannot call someone a "soulmate" never having been around them , you just cannot. Its immature to invest and label a text/im/internet/fb/phone relationship as "the one" and then be surprised that he just used you.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
If you want to get overt him you need to stop being in contact with him. If you're still texting and/or talking via phone, he's still in your life, which makes you happy to still have him and yet confused by his intentions. If he says he doesn't think it would work and that you shouldn't relocate to be together, you have to believe him. Tell him that although you don't really understand, you get it and you need to move forward with your life by staying away from him. This is a win/win in my opinion. If he realizes he really does want you then he can come chasing you down. And if you don't hear from him, then you'll have a clear answer. Being out of contact will allow you time to think about things, and heal, and get over him. Good luck.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
OP, I have a link for some stuff that will help. Send me a PM.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
OP,I have a link for some stuff that will help. Send me a PM.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
I would guess that you had sex with him while there, so, you both got more than you needed for the first physical meeting, and he moved on. Sex alone cannot build a relationship that lasts a lifetime.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
I would guess that you had sex with him while there, so, you both got more than you needed for the first physical meeting, and he moved on.Sex alone cannot build a relationship that lasts a lifetime.
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