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Moving Long Distance For a Relationship

Moving For Love — Tell Us What You Learned

Whenever I meet someone who lives or has lived far from where they grew up, I usually ask what brought them there. Half the time the answer is a relationship, and for nearly all that half the relationship is long over.

They never seem to regret it — how you arrive is less important than why you stay — but moving in together is tricky enough. Combine it with a long-distance move, and you have two stressful life events. So whether it was you who went the distance, or your other (maybe former) half, tell us what you would and wouldn't do again.

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stoof stoof 5 years
I was raised by a single Mom, with no men in my life, so I was in for a BIG surprise! (Beard hair in the bathroom sink freaked me out at first!) Right before we moved in together, my boyfriend's sister told me the greatest piece of advise that I now tell everyone: she said to me, "Now, the first week you move in together you WILL cry- this is normal!!" - and it was so true!! You may love him to death, are completely happy you're moving in, but at some point you are going to break down! This is normal, and it doesn't "represent" anything, so don't freak out. Merging two lives takes some time, so expect the first 3-6 months to be tumultuous; your relationship dynamic is going to change, you're going to find out habits that drive you nuts (just remember: for everything he does that pisses you off, you probably have something that pisses him off!) - you may even wonder if you made the right decision, or are homesick. After a couple of months, everything settles down as you both settle into a new groove, and the domestic bliss can begin. (Almost 3 years later, boyfriend and I are happier than ever!)
stoof stoof 5 years
I was raised by a single Mom, with no men in my life, so I was in for a BIG surprise! (Beard hair in the bathroom sink freaked me out at first!) Right before we moved in together, my boyfriend's sister told me the greatest piece of advise that I now tell everyone: she said to me, "Now, the first week you move in together you WILL cry- this is normal!!" - and it was so true!! You may love him to death, are completely happy you're moving in, but at some point you are going to break down! This is normal, and it doesn't "represent" anything, so don't freak out. Merging two lives takes some time, so expect the first 3-6 months to be tumultuous; your relationship dynamic is going to change, you're going to find out habits that drive you nuts (just remember: for everything he does that pisses you off, you probably have something that pisses him off!) - you may even wonder if you made the right decision, or are homesick.After a couple of months, everything settles down as you both settle into a new groove, and the domestic bliss can begin. (Almost 3 years later, boyfriend and I are happier than ever!)
dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
I say this. Moving and long distances are not the determining cause of the success or failure of a relationship. To me, a success or breakup is the result of the emotional tie beteen two people not whether they moved here or there for that person. If a man puts a woman first in his life, and she puts him first in her life, they will travel and date, and then make choices to be married to eachother. They will both make personal sacrifices to prove that the place where they are, is not the priority. Agreements are made and engagement rings are purchased to prove it. If he/she puts his job and money first, he will have her move there to live with him or vice versa. It will be obvious that the job is his/her priority. If she/she fits into his/her picture there, it will become evident that indeed that selfish motivations about jobs and money took hold over love and commitment to begin with. Marriage or breakups are the fallout, the result.
zabrow zabrow 5 years
I moved from San Diego to LA four months ago to be in the same city as my boyfriend. We don't live together yet (he's moving into my place in June), but just moving up here & being away from my friends & family for the first time ever has been a HUGE adjustment, especially since I've never really liked LA. Things between us are going really well, but everything else is super rough (getting used to a new job, new city, new apartment, being away from my friends & family) so if this relationship doesn't work out for whatever reason (even though I'm thinking & hoping that it will) I can almost guarantee that I will never move for a relationship again. It's too much stress & too much pressure to place on a relationship.
zabrow zabrow 5 years
I moved from San Diego to LA four months ago to be in the same city as my boyfriend. We don't live together yet (he's moving into my place in June), but just moving up here & being away from my friends & family for the first time ever has been a HUGE adjustment, especially since I've never really liked LA.Things between us are going really well, but everything else is super rough (getting used to a new job, new city, new apartment, being away from my friends & family) so if this relationship doesn't work out for whatever reason (even though I'm thinking & hoping that it will) I can almost guarantee that I will never move for a relationship again. It's too much stress & too much pressure to place on a relationship.
KeLynns KeLynns 5 years
I moved back to my hometown after college to be with a boyfriend that I ended up dumping only a few months later. I can't exactly say I regret it (I met my SO here and obviously I'm happy to have been in the right place to meet him!), but I do miss my college city like hell.
KeLynns KeLynns 5 years
I moved back to my hometown after college to be with a boyfriend that I ended up dumping only a few months later.I can't exactly say I regret it (I met my SO here and obviously I'm happy to have been in the right place to meet him!), but I do miss my college city like hell.
wolfpackgal wolfpackgal 5 years
I transferred to a school 5 hours away for a guy. Luckily, I had other friends in the town, and it's a coastal town so there's lots to do. Our relationship only lasted about 6 months after I moved there. I'm thankful that I didn't live with him though. Going from seeing each other two weekends a month to every day is enough to adjust to. Living together would make things even more difficult. When you start out in a LDR, your honeymoon stage lasts a lot longer. If you find that you are all the sudden in the same town, take it slow, because a LOT of things will change.
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