Sometimes I really feel like I'm dating two different people, which is bad. I've been with my boyfriend for more than four years, and he's one way with me and another with his friends. My boyfriend is 34 (I'm 27, so we're not teenagers), and I just feel like a lot of behavior is extremely immature and occasionally downright irresponsible and ridiculous. Sometimes I even feel disrespected.
My boyfriend's friends are what I can only call "man boys": they are all older, many of them are divorced, and they all seem to be making an attempt at reliving their early 20s with an assortment of drinking/drugging/smoking and disrespecting women. When my boyfriend is with me, he's caring, loving, cuddly, and mostly sweet — though we have had some very ugly fights over the way his friends are and how he is when he's with them. When he's with some of his friends, he becomes disrespectful, immediately starts binge drinking, and seems to crave social acceptance amongst them, which I just don't get. I hate the person he is when he's with some of these people, and I feel like I don't know him at all.
I've started wondering which person he really is. I know I can't make him dump these friends, but I don't know what to do. Any advice?