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My Boyfriend Is Broke, Therefore Never Gets Me Anything

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend has been out of a job for about a year now, so he has never gotten me anything for my birthday or Christmas. I don't really mind, it's just the fact of even when I was broke myself I just wrote him a cute letter saying how much I appreciated and loved him.

But him, he doesn't do anything at all for me. I'd like for him to do something for me, anything at all just to show me he loves me you know? Especially with Valentine's Day coming up. How do I tell him this without sounding like a spoiled brat? By the way, he's a wonderful boyfriend, and whenever he does have money he spends a lot of it on us.

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Source: Flickr User Sister72

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dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
Hustlerbabe96, thats the cutest story ever. That would have made me cry.
hustlerbabe96 hustlerbabe96 6 years
i can relate to u sooooo much. my bf and i live together and he hadnt had a job in a year and a half!! we live together, so i was supporting us financially. anyways i never got anything for christmas or anything and if i did i had bought it. lol anyways,long story short...it was christmas eve and i was kind of bummed out because i knew i wasnt going to get anything so i told him, "Babe, I dont care if you write me a cute note on a napkin, or on a leaf...just as long as it come from the heart." that valentines day i got home from work and there were about 500 little pieces of papers all over our house with quotes or reasons why he loved me, or just saying i love you. it was great. so i think you should just be upfront!!! and let him know!
SanDiegoLove SanDiegoLove 6 years
Sometimes boys need to be reminded that we don't always want tangible gifts. You say he spends money on you when he has it, which is great...but he might think that's the only thing you like. Something free or cheap, like a love letter, or a picnic, etc., might be just as nice and he doesn't think of that.
ella1978 ella1978 6 years
Being someone who also has a broke sig-other. You have to be upfront about what you want. If they aren't romantic by nature, or if like my fiance, they aren't from a "gift giving" family - it probably isn't their first thought. I saw that my fiance has already bought me a card, that made me happy :) and it's all I need.
CHOOCHOO CHOOCHOO 6 years
What does 'he spends a lot of it on us' mean? Activities? Meals? I mean, the guy doesn't have to get you an actual gift, but I agree that there are several things he could PLAN that cost little to nothing. A redbox movie and a bit of microwave popcorn make for a cheap and cheesy V-day movie night. What's that cost? $3? A picnic lunch in a park and a frisbee match. $5? Writing a cute note. $1, for sturdy paper? I tell you what! Go get a book that tells him how to be romantic, and highlight the parts you think sound really good to you. He can no longer get away with doing nothing for you when broke.
CHOOCHOO CHOOCHOO 6 years
What does 'he spends a lot of it on us' mean? Activities? Meals?I mean, the guy doesn't have to get you an actual gift, but I agree that there are several things he could PLAN that cost little to nothing. A redbox movie and a bit of microwave popcorn make for a cheap and cheesy V-day movie night. What's that cost? $3? A picnic lunch in a park and a frisbee match. $5? Writing a cute note. $1, for sturdy paper? I tell you what! Go get a book that tells him how to be romantic, and highlight the parts you think sound really good to you. He can no longer get away with doing nothing for you when broke.
gigill gigill 6 years
I agree with cordata, it seems a bit odd he didn't go out of his way to give you anything or do anything special, which like other people have saying...doesn't have to cost money. You seem happy with him otherwise so I don't want to say "dump him" based on his lack of gift-giving alone, but it still strikes me as a bit odd...
cordata cordata 6 years
It seems like he's not a gift giving guy in general. I think it's weird he never gave you a birthday or christmas present, even if it's just some hand picked flowers or some token of affection. Maybe you should ask if people in his family usually exchange gifts, just to get to the bottom of the situation. If you'd like something, don't be subtle: tell him you'd love it if the two of you had a valentines day gift swap. You can set a price limit at $20, or even stipulate that you can't send money on the gift but it must be creative. That seems simple enough for someone who is otherwise a great boyfriend to understand.
Venus1 Venus1 6 years
I think the key issue here is whether he is broke due to circumstances within his control or not. Hard times can happen to anyone.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
You could go see a great movie. That's only $20. You could have a steak dinner together for $40 at Outback. Not too much drinking thought the bill can go sky high. Tell him please buy you some chocolates or something that you've had your eye on. There's a really good bottle of Champagne called freixenet. Only $16 a bottle. Great stuff. You could make some strawberries with chocolate together. Even going to a dance club with friends can be fun and affordable. Just plan it out. But I'm sure you don't need much to have some good times together. He'll find a job at some point and money will be a non issue.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 6 years
You have to be clear and tell him what you want. One problem many women have is that they expect their partner to read their minds( I also have this problem, working on it) But as my mom told me, you have to speak your mind without being afraid. Just say it nicely.
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 6 years
btw my boyfriend says "just pull him aside and be straightforward. It'd be the easiest way for him to know what you mean and what you want. But also try and make it not sound like you're gold diggin. be suggestive, but not demanding. It's more like advice. Give him some ideas as to what you want that he can afford or create."
urika urika 6 years
alright, material things aren't anything people. it doesn't get you anything but nice things. nothing deeper than that. choidos to for not minding those assets, I'm the same way. I actually prefer not to get gifts from my boyfriend. but you're right, he should at least make you a card or show something sentimental. girls like cute things like that, its a known fact. just tell him how sweet it'd be to have something special from him to charish
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 6 years
I agree with the "tell him!" if he's such a great guy then talk to him and say "Hey. I'm not asking for things. I know you are not fiscally "ballin" or anything, but I really love home made things. I would never ask you to buy me something in this economy or situation, but I'd really appreciate it if you did something even as simple as making me a valentine's day card. (optional) I love you very much, and sometimes even though i know you still love me, it makes me feel a little unloved when you don't do anything at all for special occasions." but that's just what I'd say.
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 6 years
I agree with the "tell him!" if he's such a great guy then talk to him and say "Hey. I'm not asking for things. I know you are not fiscally "ballin" or anything, but I really love home made things. I would never ask you to buy me something in this economy or situation, but I'd really appreciate it if you did something even as simple as making me a valentine's day card. (optional) I love you very much, and sometimes even though i know you still love me, it makes me feel a little unloved when you don't do anything at all for special occasions."but that's just what I'd say.
MandeeLei MandeeLei 6 years
WOW I am surprised by some of the comments on here. Money does not equal love and buying something for someone is easy and doesn't show how much you care for them at all. Honestly the holidays including Valentines are a 2 way street. I think the best present is being able to look back on an amazing memory that you shared with the person. This could be anything from making a special dinner together (your favorite meal and his favorite dessert or vice versa), watching a favorite movie together, going to a free museum or free concert, having a picnic in the park, you get the idea. I don't think that just because he's a guy he should automatically have to buy you things and I'm not even sure that's what you want. Sharing an amazing night with him that you planned together will bring you both closer than a bracelet ever will that's for sure.
genesisrocks genesisrocks 6 years
I think you're a sweetheart compared to all the people who want material gifts like jewelry. Just remind him Valentine's Day is coming up and he'll probably think of something
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 6 years
I could forgo the material gifts for a while. When my partner and I first got together we were both broke but were always doing things for each other in our own way for the other so we really didn't think to miss material gifts.
Hiding55 Hiding55 6 years
I get annoyed with people who are constantly broke or poor spenders. Never being able to go out gets old fast. I don't think you sound spoiled at all. You can try talking to him and ask him to be more romantic and appreciative. If he had it in him he'd already be that way.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
Make it a team effort. The next time you two are together, say, "Hey, let's brainstorm some ideas on how to have a recession-proof Valentine's Day. There's lots of inexpensive or even free things we can do to celebrate the holiday this year!" It's going to sound cheesy, but once a boyfriend and I were really broke and we weren't able to take a Vegas vacation we wanted to. So we bought a Wayne Newton CD and put on funny sequined outfits and made cocktails and had a "Vegas vacation" in his living room. It was a fun night, we laughed a lot and had a great time together. Relationships CAN survive financial crisis, you just have to get creative :)
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